- 7 years ago
So my brother is getting married to an amazing girl in May. I am very happy for them. They are both wonderful people, and I’m so glad they’ve found one another.
Sure, I can’t help but be a little jealous, since I’m 5-6 yrs older than them. But they’ve been dating for much longer than I have, and it’s the right time in their relationship to get married (they will both be graduating med school and finally be able to live in the same town and moving together to whereever they match).
But I am surprised at how poorly my mom is handling this. My brother and I are the most important things in my mom’s life, and my mom is proud of me for some things I’ve overcome in my life, but she can also be judgmental and critical too — and the things that she’s critical about me, my bro’s FI has achieved perfectly.
My mom is excited about the wedding and is welcoming my brother’s FI into our family (which I think is great, b/c my mom is bad about “welcoming” people into the family and was kinda cold to her for years). She went to help her pick out her wedding dress, she has given her my great-grandmother’s renowned recipes, etc.
But I am saddened by how my mom is handling the wedding b/c she’s treating my brother’s FI as the daughter she never had…..and seems to have totally forgotten that I’m her daughter too. Don’t get me wrong…I have absolutely no desire to steal the spotlight from my brother’s wedding. It is their day and I plan as a bridesmaid and SOG to do whatever they need.
But I was a little sad when I found out my mom gave my bro’s FI all of our family recipes….that she hasn’t even given to me yet. And I was shocked when my bro’s FI was talking about not loving her own family’s fine china, and my mom said, “oh, you’re welcome to have any of our sets of fine china…there’s mine, my mother’s, and my grandmothers…” My jaw dropped and I couldn’t help but exclaim, “But that’s mine!” My family has a very proud family history, I’ve been promised my grandmother’s and great-grandmother’s Haviland china since I was 5 (as well as our family silver since I’m the 7th generation to have our family pattern), and I couldn’t believe that my mom was so ready to hand it down to my brother’s fiancee without even thinking that I would care…..particularly since it’s always been the plan that I would get that china and wouldn’t need to register for my own. (And no, it’s not a cost issue — my brother’s FI comes from an extremely wealthy and long-standing historic family, and so she can both inherit and buy anything she wants).
I’m not jealous that they’re getting married, b/c it’s the right time for them and they’ve been dating for probably 7-8 years. But I am jealous that my mom is practically forgetting that I exist and that one day I might get married too (if my SO would ever propose) and that my family history means so much to me.
And this is not a materialistic thing – but rather that the silver and fine china has been passed down from generation to generation to the women in my family, and I’m the only girl, and it was always promised to me as part of my heritage….and now all the sudden it’s being forgotten that I exist.
So am I being reasonable that it makes me sad that my mom seems to be forgetting that I exist and giving my family heirlooms to my bro’s FI without asking me, or am I just being a jealous b!tch?