Am I being ridiculous?

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 2
Member
7193 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

red860126:  Your fiance is the one being silly. Of course two couples can be happy at the same time. He is probably reacting to pressure from his family (“How dare you get engaged during X’s engagement!”), but he should have ignored them. It’s a bridezilla (or groomzilla) who can’t handle someone else being engaged at the same time as them.

You can and should look at venues now. Venues often need to be booked well in advance, and that extra 3 months could be very imporant.

Post # 3
Member
667 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June, 2014

I agree with PP. It’s absolutely normal to feel a little slighted by this behavior. Your FI is being a little ridiculous in not wanting you to even talk about your engagement. If his brother’s wedding is still 3 months away, it’s an ideal time to announce it! If his sibling was getting married the next day, that would make a little more sense (no sense in taking their special day away and making it about you guys’ exciting news) but I definitely think it’s possible for a family to rejoice for TWO upcoming marriages! 

An engagement party isn’t necessary, and I don’t blame him for telling you not to expect one. We forewent ours because of the extra cost and our family being so spread apart. But it’s time to talk to your fiance about announcing it and making it public. He should be excited and happy and wanting to shout it from the mountaintops! It’s an exciting moment wanting to spend the rest of your lives together! 

Start looking for venues and vendors as soon as you can after you talk with your fiance. Let him know that some places book months to years in advance and getting a jump on things is IMPORTANT! A year will fly by, I promise! Best of luck to you in this difficult situation!

Post # 3
Member
667 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June, 2014

I agree with PP. It’s absolutely normal to feel a little slighted by this behavior. Your FI is being a little ridiculous in not wanting you to even talk about your engagement. If his brother’s wedding is still 3 months away, it’s an ideal time to announce it! If his sibling was getting married the next day, that would make a little more sense (no sense in taking their special day away and making it about you guys’ exciting news) but I definitely think it’s possible for a family to rejoice for TWO upcoming marriages! 

An engagement party isn’t necessary, and I don’t blame him for telling you not to expect one. We forewent ours because of the extra cost and our family being so spread apart. But it’s time to talk to your fiance about announcing it and making it public. He should be excited and happy and wanting to shout it from the mountaintops! It’s an exciting moment wanting to spend the rest of your lives together! 

Start looking for venues and vendors as soon as you can after you talk with your fiance. Let him know that some places book months to years in advance and getting a jump on things is IMPORTANT! A year will fly by, I promise! Best of luck to you in this difficult situation!

Post # 5
Member
1072 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

There’s absolutely no harm in looking or planning while his brother is doing his thing. In fact, given how quickly the best venues and vendors book up, you really should be planning now. Your fiance is being unreasonable.

Post # 6
Member
335 posts
Helper bee

There is no reason you cannot look and visit and finding your venue now, it actually makes sense to book the venue as soon as you can and set the date and work from there. Explain this to him, as guys typically don’t get those kind of things. 

Post # 7
Member
7385 posts
Busy Beekeeper

red860126:  Whilst I agree with PP’s that it is ridiculous for you to have put everything on hold for someone elses wedding, there might be a reason why your FI has said to keep quite. He probably knows his brother and FSIL better than you and probably knows their personalities. So maybe the FSIL or possibly the brother is a bit groom/bride zilla? Maybe your FI is just trying to avoid trouble and family rifts.

Doesn’t make their actions right but sometimes you just have to pick your battles.

That doesn’t mean that you two can’t quietly look/book venues or answer questions when directed at you.

Post # 9
Member
32 posts
Newbee

red860126:  my fiancé didn’t see the rush of looking for a venue/setting a date until the first 5 we inquired about were booked every sat for at least the next year. That’s when he realized that venues get booked up way in advance and felt bad that I couldn’t get the one I wanted. We got lucky with our venue because my friend had the date on hold but ended up going with another venue and passed it over to us which we gladly took. If I can start all over I would’ve dragged my fiancé months and months before to book my #1 choice. While I am growing to love my venue, I would still prefer the vintage vibe of the one we couldn’t get…. 

 

  • This reply was modified 2 years, 6 months ago by  Luckyinlove05.
Post # 12
Member
5192 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

red860126:  On the one hand it’s only three months to wait…but on the other hand if he wanted to wait so much, why didn’t he just propose after his brother’s wedding?

I think it’s reasonable to expect not to have an enagement party until after your BIL’s wedding since the family may be very stressed and busy until then.  But there is no reason you need to hold off on planning and looking at venues.  I don’t see why it’s a big deal.

Post # 13
Member
1298 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

red860126:  I would avoid talking about the wedding/any engagement party plans with your FI’s family until his brother is married, as it sounds from your update post that they are somewhat bride/groomzilla. But you and your FI should definitely start quietly looking into venues now, so that you have the best possible options as far as available dates. 

Post # 14
Member
1202 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

I don’t know the whole situation, but your FI’s family might be stressed out, emotional, tight on money, and sick of discussing wedding planning right now, especially if his brother is a groomzilla.  While it’s perfectly normal to start planning your wedding with your FI, maybe he just doesn’t want to involve his family until the stress of this wedding is over? Especially if his parents plan on contributing money to your wedding, and if their contribution will affect your choice of venue.  Weddings can be very stressful and sometimes the most rational people go crazy….      

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