Post # 1
This is long, sorry.
My fiancé and I have both been married before.
At first we wanted to get married on vacation somewhere, just the two of us. I would wear a simple white dress and we would have a nice, romantic dinner afterwards to celebrate. We thought this would be ok with our family and friends since they have all seen us get married before, but when we mentioned it to them they didn’t’ take it well. They all expressed that they would want to be part of our special day. So, we decided to have a small (~20) person wedding at home. We couldn’t find a location at home that we liked so we decided on a semi-destination wedding around an hour away from here in the mountains. Instead of a traditional reception we rented out a restaurant for the night and and have a non-traditional dress, no wedding party, no flowers, no favours, etc. Just a simple ceremony and dinner.
The 20 person wedding soon turned into 35 people, I’m wearing a traditional white dress, we have flowers, a ring bearer and flower girl, favours, I’m decorating the ceremony and reception spaces, we did fancy invitations… This is still a “regular” wedding.
I didn’t want a bachelorette or a shower, yet I just had the bachelorette and the shower is next week. We had an engagement party with a fancy cake.
People keep telling us how excited they are and happy they are for us, and my fiancé is so excited about the wedding. But, as I’m trying to organize and plan a million things I can’t help but wonder if this is just stupid. Who the hell do we think we are doing all of this again?! It’s our second time, shouldn’t we just go to the courthouse and register our marriage and that’s it?
Don’t get me wrong – I cannot wait to be married to the love of my life! This is the man I honestly believe I should be with for the rest of my life, all of the mistakes and heartbreak I’ve been through in the past all led me to him and I’m so thankful. I would go through it all again in a heartbeat for the same outcome. So tell me ladies – is this over the top for a second wedding? I just wonder if people are laughing behind my back because it’s my second time.
Post # 3
Don’t worry about it- marriage is something to celebrate and you’re lucky to have so many friends and family members interested in participating in your joyous occasion 🙂
Post # 4
- Wedding: January 2013 - Harbourfront Grand Hall
@orchidaloha: I don’t think anyone is laughing at you! HONESTLY! Plenty of people have gotten married twice (or more!).
That being said, you shouldn’t have let everyone else talk you into all this if it wasn’t what you truley wanted! But too late now, you might as well enjoy it!
I think most people wish they had done things different when it was all over — I certainly did!
Post # 5
You’re fine. Think of it this way…. If you did that whole big celebration for someone who didn’t work out, and now you’ve found someone you obviously love above and beyond that first one, doesn’t that love deserve just as much song and dance as the first one?
Just because you’ve done it before does not mean you don’t deserve to have it be a real deal wedding.
Post # 6
35 people doesn’t sound over the top to me! I’m sure that’s just your closest family and friends right? 350 for a second wedding might be over the top. But I didn’t read anything in your post that I’d be side-eyeing. Also, aren’t you two both still fairly young? I get that impression (in a good way, don’t worry – I’m 25 myself!) So don’t worry and enjoy your wedding!
Post # 7
@Pinkmoon: lol no we’re not, I’m 29 and he’s 38
Post # 8
I think if YOU were the one pushing for all the bachelorette/shower/etc while your friends and family just seemed to be going along with it, that’d be one thing. But if your loved ones are voluntarily throwing all these celebrations for you because they love you and are happy for you, then you have nothing whatsoever to worry about 🙂
Post # 9
@orchidaloha: I don’t see any reason why a second wedding has to be small. I’d never laugh at someone having a big second wedding. Why your new marriage that you’re sure your love of life has to be smaller than your mistake?
Post # 11
@orchidaloha: I’ve been to two second weddings that were full-on weddings and didn’t for a moment think it wasn’t warrented. To me, the people were marrying the person they were MEANT to be with, and that was absolutely worth celebrating in a big way.
Post # 12
@orchidaloha: I consider 29 fairly young! It’s not like you’re 49 and have adult kids or anything. 🙂
Post # 13
@orchidaloha: No one is laughing at you. They love you and boy, do they want to celebrate you two, or what?! 🙂 Your family and friends are with you on this, full support.
My husband and I both were married before and we had a big wedding. It was wonderful and we enjoyed celebrating anew. His sons, my stepsons, were even featured in the ceremony as part of a family blessing. We went the whole 9 yards with the big this and that, but we were still honest about what it all meant for us. It’s perfectly acceptable to give yourself permission to enjoy your second wedding in this way.
Now then, if you feel you’re being overrun, that’s another story. I see you’re only a few weeks away at this point but you can still tone some things down if you really want to without ruffling feathers of those you’ve already asked to be in your party and whatnot. Decor, your look, flowers, all can be simplified here and there so you can still feel celebratory in your way. You can gently request no gifts at the wedding if you already have plenty between you, as it is gift enough to have people present with you (whether they’ll hear that message, who knows, but at least you will have made that boundary known.)