Post # 1
I have no one else to talk to in real life (either my friends are single and miserable, taken and miserable, or married and don’t understand) about this, I figured I’d ask the waiting bees:
So, I bought myself a set of stackable rings. Just costume jewelry – some have stones, some don’t. They fit my ring finger and I said what the hey. They look fun and it’ll give me something to look at. SO immediately noticed and I mentioned that they only fit my ring finger so that’s why they were there. That was the truth.
Anyway, last night I got overwhelmed so we talked about everything again. I got kind of distracted and kept looking at my hand. He said, “You’ll make yourself depressed looking at that ring.” Then he said it was ugly and that he was waiting to say that. So me being a hot head, I threw it across the room. He was shocked and we went to bed like that.
This morning, I was trying to explain why I bought them (that it was just something to look at until he gets me a ring). He said that it was awfully convenient of me to buy a set of rings that fit only my ring finger! I told him that my ring finger is close to a 7, pretty normal for most rings, and that no other finger is close to it. So most rings end up on my ring finger. My right hand’s ring finger is like a whole size larger. I told him costume jewelry is fun no matter where I wear them. He told me that it bothers him when I have rings on that finger that look like engagement rings. I didn’t think it looked too much like one but I didn’t say. He said he has a problem with me wearing rings on that finger because he’s supposed to take care of that finger.
I told him that I’m a grown woman and if I want to wear a ring there, I can. It’s not a slap to him and it gives me something to look at. He’s not insensitive nor controlling, I think he feels rushed because I feel rushed. My grandmother is not in great health and I have no clue how long I’ll have her with me. I’d be crushed if she weren’t there. I also have other personal reasons for wanting to have it sooner than later. It’s hard on him and I know it.
He really doesn’t mind talking about it and has come a long way in the past 2 years. He used to get so tense but now he is at ease talking about it. I just have no clue why he’d react that way. He is so caring and loving but when it comes to my ring finger, he doesn’t want me to wear a ring on it? Am I just being a blockhead?
Post # 3
By the way, he did promise that it would happen in the next year. I just get so control-freaky and I need ways to offset it.
Post # 4
@sealevels: Meh my SO gets annoyed when I wear a ring I have worn for ten years on that finger. He thinks I should only wear his “promise ring” . I told him the only ring I think you shouldn’t take off is a wedding/e-ring. Until I have one of those I can wear whatever I like whereever I like.
Then again I am stuburn and willful so he wasn’t surprised by any of this =0) I am currently sporting a v-day gift from my father a few years back on my ring finger.
Post # 5
His anger at you wearing a ring is one of the stupidest things I’ve ever heard. Just tell him to grow up. In fact, you probably want him to mature more before he even asks you to marry him.
Post # 6
@OctBride-2012: I probably make him out to seem immature, but he’s really not. I think with all of the discussions, he probably thought I bought the rings to pressure him into replacing them. I didn’t. He knows how type A I am and that if I could, I’d propose to him. In fact, I told him I’m getting him a ring for him when we get engaged. I’m not very traditional with this.
The rings could be mistaken for an engagement ring upon first glance. I can see why he’d be slightly annoyed, but I don’t know. I took them off this morning and he put them back on and apologized. He said he shouldn’t have said anything.
He really is sweet and I think that it’s very stressful for him too. I saturate myself with all of the engagement stuff and bottle it in, then it comes bursting out. He is the only one who gets all of my crap.
Post # 7
BTW, the engagement will be at least a year and a half, so he’ll have time to mature with me through the process.
Post # 8
@sealevels: I think it’s kind of cute that he wants to reserve “that finger” for his future engagement ring for you. But I also understand why you want to wear rings on that finger, or any fingers for that matter. I’m a jewelry kind of girl and when I was single I was like you, I wore rings on any finger the ring I liked would fit me. I didn’t care if it was “that” finger or not, it was just jewelry to me.
It seems like you two worked it all out now, so that’s good. I can see both your points of view and it seems you see each other’s now, too.
Post # 9
well you couldve handled it a bit better but he has no claim over what you can wear on that finger. ive done something similar but not for your reasons, i did it as an experiment just to see if he would mention the ring on my finger. my mom gave me an old anniversary ring my dad gave her decades ago, and i started wearing it on my ring finger. sure enough he asked right away, where the ring came from, and why was i wearing it, ha!
Post # 10
I would not have worn any ring on ‘that’ finger, especially if it look like an engagement ring at all, but that’s jsut me. To me, that finger is for engagement and/or wedding ring only so I can see where he’s coming from. Maybe he feels even more pressure if people start thinking you’re engaged since you have a ring there and he’s no comfortable with that.
Post # 11
Guys view these things differently than we do. Your left ring finger to them is reserved for an engagement/wedding ring and that is it. If you start wearing other rings there, they take it as 1) pressure/blantant hinting that they are lacking and need to propose or 2) that other people will think you are engaged and that is the ring he got you and it’s not good enough.
Putting a ring on it is one of the biggest things for a guy. It means A LOT to them
Post # 12
I say it is your hand, your finger(s), your money that you spent, therefore your choice.
However, I can also say that *most* men would be a tad uncomfortable if the ring you chose to wear on that finger could be mistaken for an engagement ring. If it were costume jewelry that absolutely would not be mistaken, and they get angry because it is ‘their finger’ to decorate, then I say tell him to pound salt!
You ‘reseve’ this finger when you put a ring on it!
Regardless, I cannot imagine it is something to fight about, or get angry about.
Post # 13
@sealevels: Hope I didn’t upset you. If you wearing the rings upsets him that much then I just wouldn’t wear them. Go ahead and find a ring that fits your middle finger or your right hand. 🙂
ETA…and try not to let the small things like this get to you. In the grand scheme of things fighting about costume jewelry doesn’t benefit either of you. Use these small things to work on your communication now. If you can work through the small things it will be easier to tackle bigger issues in the future. 🙂
Post # 14
@sealevels: I think you’ve about nailed it…he is just sorry he hasn’t gotten you what he wants to see on that finger and what you really want on that finger. Not much you can really do, really..I guess you just either continue to wear your costume rings because you like them and want to wear them, or you just put them in your jewelry box as a compromise. That was sweet of him to apologize and put them back on your finger.
Post # 15
- Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA
I think he probably overreacted, but I can understand his point. It sounds like you are definitely pressuring him about getting engaged – and then buying a ring to put on your ring finger, and staring at it a bunch as you’re having your relationship/engagement talk? I’d try to back off for a while – you can’t drag someone along into wanting to get married right now.
As for the actual ring, of course you have the right to wear any ring on any finger. But I think he probably sees it – and in particular the wearing and staring in the middle of your engagement talk!!!! – as a non-so-subtle form of pressure, and that’s why he reacted weirdly.
Post # 16
I think you can wear whatever jewelry whenever and however you’d like, regardless of marital status. It’s JUST jewelry. Metal with some stones in it. That’s it. People need to stop taking it so seriously.
I think you could have handled it a bit better… I could totally see your SO posting something saying “Am I in the wrong here?” and word this exact story in a way that would give you the bad light. Still, he has to get over what jewelry you decide to wear. That is silly.