Post # 1
I’m having a small wedding. Right now, it is looking like there will be 60-70 people, mostly family. My FI is the oldest of 5, and his 2 sisters are my bridemaids, my sister is my MOH, his childhood best friend is his Best Man, and his two brothers are his groomsmen.
The problem is FI’s youngest brother. He is 22, graduating from college this spring, and just generally kind of a pain. He goes to school about 2.5 hours from where the family lives, and can’t really be bothered to come home very often. FI and him are not particularly close, but we made the decision to include only family in the bridal party, so he is in. In the 4 years that FI and I have been together, FBIL has had at least 10 different girlfriends. Now, FBIL has a girlfriend that he has been dating for about 9 months, which is certainly a record for him. He has brought her home to meet the family twice – the 2nd time was about a month ago, for Easter, where she proceeded to regale the family with tales of a recent wedding that she had attended (with FBIL), which was awesome, because it was open bar, and they “got soooooooo drunk!”. She also threw it out there that she thought it would be hilarious if, at our wedding, FBIL stood up at the front and mooned everyone.
Now, maybe she was just trying to push my buttons, but I just simply do not want her at my wedding. We will be having an open bar, and I don’t feel that I can trust her to behave herself. I’m also concerned because she wouldn’t know anyone, and the only person she does know (FBIL) is involved in the wedding, and will be otherwise occupied for parts of it. Awkward and weird to have this random girl standing around. FMIL (of course) says that I MUST invite her. I know this is ultimately our call, but it is complicated (in my eyes) by the fact that there will be a few friends of ours invited with +1’s, where we don’t really know the plus one. But, these are not members of the wedding party.
Am I being rude by not wanting to invite her?
Post # 3
What’s your FI’s take on it?
You may be able to get away with it since it’s a small wedding.
Post # 4
He is all about being non-confrontational, and would prefer not to make a big deal about this.
Post # 5
Well, now is not the time to be causing rifts in the family, but of course you want to trust that everyone will behave themselves.
You should be gracious and invite her, request that your FI talks to his brother and brother’s gf beforehand about being low key at the wedding.
Post # 6
if other siblings are allowed to have a guest, he needs to be allowed as well.
I personally would make a point to say something to this brother and girlfriend about their possible behavior and to make sure they keep in check.
Post # 7
Are you giving plus 1’s to others who have been dating for the same length of time?
If so, it would be rude not to extend the same opportunity to your FBIL.
Groomsmen really are not occupied for most of the day, so it won’t work to try to use that as an excuse.
Post # 7
Short answer? Yeah, kinda.
I get that she may not be the most likable person in the world, but fact is, she could be your future sister-in-law. That would be the reason we’re def inviting FI’s brother’s girlfriend as well. Not because we like her, but because she may be a part of FI’s (and therefore my) family one day. I also think just, in general, it’s rude to not invite people that have been in a committed relationship for a while, especially when it’s a bridal party member. I get the “keeping it small-ish” thing, but really if you’re having more than just family there…I would. Keep the peace.
And for open bar – give the bartender a heads up. Should know when to cut people off anyways.
Post # 8
Yeah, none of the other siblings will be bringing dates, other than FI’s oldest sister who is already married. The rest are all single. I guess I just resent being told that I must invite someone who seems massively immature, and totally uninterested in getting to know me/the family to my very intimate celebration.
Post # 9
I think you have to invite her. If other people get plus ones, he should too, especially since he’s both family and in the wedding party.
Even if it’s a small wedding, there’s plenty of other people there to pay attention to so you can just say thanks for coming and ignore her the rest of the time.
Post # 10
I would invite her. Ya she might be immature…she sounds like a typical 22 year old college kid. But oh well. Its not worth the family drama to not invite her. Especially because its your fiances family.
Post # 11
I’m going to be honest – you sound a bit judgey of a 22 year old for doing what 22 year olds do. He’s away at school and probably busy and a bit self-involed now – how often he visits his parents home isn’t really something you should be holding against him. And the gf might not be so bad – her idea of “sooo drunk” might be three glasses of champagne and dancing all night. I think by not inviting her, you are trivializing the most important relationship he’s had to date, but at the same time you’re critizing him for not acting grown up. He’s important enough to be a groomsman, but not important enough to be allowed to bring his gf? That doesn’t seem right to me.
Post # 12
yeah, unfortunately i’d invite her too. if this is a record for him and he’s making an effort to introduce her, then i’d go with it. maybe she was nervous or has a really bad sense of humor, who knows.
@AmeliaBedelia: definitely agree about tipping off the bartender about her (and him as well).
i’d tell FMIL & FH that they need to make sure in no uncertain terms that little brother knows that this isn’t just a chance for them to get drunk off their asses. if they don’t intend to conduct themselves like adults then they’re going to be treated like children… and children don’t get +1’s lol.
Post # 13
@greenmint: Understandable, but really I think it’s the best way to keep the peace and not turn the tables on yourself. If she wants to make an ass of herself, let her. Just don’t put yourself in her position.
She may be immature, but that doesn’t really change much when it comes to being the courteous one, ya know? Trust me there are several people that I’m like “do they REALLY need to be coming?” I think a lot of us have this unless it’s a wedding of immediate family ONLY. I doubt you’ll pay much attention to her on your wedding day anyways.
Post # 14
I have always thought that members of the bridal party are each given a +1. On the other hand personally, I would not want to invite this person.
I don’t know if it is just me but I get so offended hearing someone make fun of a wedding, ie mooning everyone.
If worse comes to worse maybe you can invite her, but I would let it be known that if anyone gets out of hand they will be asked to leave.
Post # 15
I probably am being judgey about FBIL and the girlfriend, because (and no offense to any young 20-somethings out there) they just seem to act like little kids. FI’s family has been going through a lot of financial issues lately, and FBIL is just totally rude/oblivious to all of it. For just one example – FBIL has essentially stolen one of the 2 working cars that his parents have, and has refused to give it back.
The only people that will be getting plus ones are a few outlier friends, who really wouldn’t know anyone else at the wedding – I don’t know their significant others, but I feel that it would be rude to invite someone to a wedding who doesn’t really know anyone but the bride and groom, and not allow them to bring a guest. Clearly, that is not the case with the brother of the groom.