(Closed) Am I being rude? Don’t want to invite FBIL’s girlfriend

posted 7 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
994 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

What’s your FI’s take on it?

You may be able to get away with it since it’s a small wedding.

 

Post # 5
Member
9825 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

Well, now is not the time to be causing rifts in the family, but of course you want to trust that everyone will behave themselves.

You should be gracious and invite her, request that your FI talks to his brother and brother’s gf beforehand about being low key at the wedding.

Post # 6
Member
1087 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

if other siblings are allowed to have a guest, he needs to be allowed as well.

 

I personally would make a point to say something to this brother and girlfriend about their possible behavior and to make sure they keep in check.

Post # 7
Member
46128 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Are you giving plus 1’s to others who have been dating for the same length of time?

If so, it would be rude not to extend the same opportunity to your FBIL.

Groomsmen really are not occupied for most of the day, so it won’t work to try to use that as an excuse.

 

Post # 7
Member
6893 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

Short answer? Yeah, kinda.

I get that she may not be the most likable person in the world, but fact is, she could be your future sister-in-law. That would be the reason we’re def inviting FI’s brother’s girlfriend as well. Not because we like her, but because she may be a part of FI’s (and therefore my) family one day. I also think just, in general, it’s rude to not invite people that have been in a committed relationship for a while, especially when it’s a bridal party member. I get the “keeping it small-ish” thing, but really if you’re having more than just family there…I would. Keep the peace.

And for open bar – give the bartender a heads up. Should know when to cut people off anyways.

Post # 9
Member
6572 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 2010

I think you have to invite her. If other people get plus ones, he should too, especially since he’s both family and in the wedding party.

Even if it’s a small wedding, there’s plenty of other people there to pay attention to so you can just say thanks for coming and ignore her the rest of the time.

Post # 10
Member
3943 posts
Honey bee

I would invite her. Ya she might be immature…she sounds like a typical 22 year old college kid. But oh well. Its not worth the family drama to not invite her. Especially because its your fiances family.

Post # 11
Member
981 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I’m going to be honest – you sound a bit judgey of a 22 year old for doing what 22 year olds do. He’s away at school and probably busy and a bit self-involed now – how often he visits his parents home isn’t really something you should be holding against him. And the gf might not be so bad – her idea of “sooo drunk” might be three glasses of champagne and dancing all night. I think by not inviting her, you are trivializing the most important relationship he’s had to date, but at the same time you’re critizing him for not acting grown up. He’s important enough to be a groomsman, but not important enough to be allowed to bring his gf? That doesn’t seem right to me.

Post # 12
Member
3167 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

yeah, unfortunately i’d invite her too. if this is a record for him and he’s making an effort to introduce her, then i’d go with it. maybe she was nervous or has a really bad sense of humor, who knows.

@AmeliaBedelia: definitely agree about tipping off the bartender about her (and him as well).

i’d tell FMIL & FH that they need to make sure in no uncertain terms that little brother knows that this isn’t just a chance for them to get drunk off their asses. if they don’t intend to conduct themselves like adults then they’re going to be treated like children… and children don’t get +1’s lol.

Post # 13
Member
6893 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

@greenmint: Understandable, but really I think it’s the best way to keep the peace and not turn the tables on yourself. If she wants to make an ass of herself, let her. Just don’t put yourself in her position.

She may be immature, but that doesn’t really change much when it comes to being the courteous one, ya know? Trust me there are several people that I’m like “do they REALLY need to be coming?” I think a lot of us have this unless it’s a wedding of immediate family ONLY. I doubt you’ll pay much attention to her on your wedding day anyways.

Post # 14
Member
1928 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I have always thought that members of the bridal party are each given a +1. On the other hand personally, I would not want to invite this person.

I don’t know if it is just me but I get so offended hearing someone make fun of a wedding, ie mooning everyone.

If worse comes to worse maybe you can invite her, but I would let it be known that if anyone gets out of hand they will be asked to leave.

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