(Closed) Am I being rude? Please tell me

posted 6 years ago in Destination Weddings
Post # 3
661 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

No, I would not say you are being wrong at all. If you haven’t been talking for the past 5-6 years, then I see no reason to invite her. The pregnancy comment from her was uncalled for as well. Also, if you are inviting her to the family dinner afterward, then you have all bases covered I think.

Post # 4
331 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

Nope. I think it is completely fine. If it comes up, just let her know you are trying to keep it as small as possible, but that you would be “happy” (don’t use the air quotes) to have her and her fiance at the other ceremony. I know how you feel with having certain family members that will ruin the mood/ stress you out. Unfortunately, when my time comes, the cultural dictates of my family will probably require that I send them invitations. Good luck–but no, I do not think you are being rude! It is your day.

Post # 5
3471 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2012 - The Gables Inn, Santa Rosa, CA

This is YOUR wedding– if you don’t want them there that’s perfectly OK! 

She’s invited to the same thing the rest of your family is, that’s good enough. 


Enjoy your wedding, and congratulations! I’ll say it even if she can’t! 🙂

Post # 6
395 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

No, not rude.

Post # 7
2401 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Yes, I think you are being rude, especially if you are inviting other cousins. If you are not, then you’re in the clear.


Post # 8
531 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

I dont think its rude, its your wedding, if its gonna eat at you then invite her, if not then dont. Personally, if I were in your situation I wouldnt invite her, then if she asked why I’d tell her EXACTLY what my beef with her was annnnnddd thats why people tell me im insensitive haha.

Post # 9
4194 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry

No, I don’t think you’re being rude at all. It’s not like you’re inviting every family member but your cousin to the Destination Wedding. She can celebrate with you at the local event. 

(For what it’s worth- I’m only inviting one out of thirteen cousins to my wedding- just not close enough to the rest of them to warrant an invite. Just because you’re related, doesn’t mean you need an invite.)

Post # 10
5405 posts
Bee Keeper

I don’t know if you’re being rude or not. The thing is, you’re assuming they will be obnoxious and not social. Obviously you know them, but these assumptions might be false. 

Now, her comment would piss me right off. And the fact that you haven’t been close for years is reason enough to not want to invite them. But if you’re confident they couldn’t afford it, you could invite them and bank on them not being able to come, so you don’t look rude. Like a PP said, if you invite other cousins, this could be an issue. But ultimately it’s your wedding and YOUR choice, so do what makes you happy–you are not wrong in that. 

Post # 11
804 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

She may have said that because she’s hoping that a baby would fill a hole in her life, and seeing you so happy made her assume you had that yourself.  Especially if her fiance really is a loser (and not just socially awkard), she probably doesn’t want to attribute your happiness to your upcoming marriage.  Maybe you can make sure she’s doing okay?  It sounds like she’s displacing her unhappiness from her relationship onto you so that she doesn’t have to face some harsh truths.

You’re inviting the bridal party and two friends.  It’s not rude to leave your cousin at home. 

Post # 12
146 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

You don’t need to invite her, but if you’re inviting other cousins, it is rude.  Will it cause hard feelings in the family?  Do you care?  I wouldn’t invite her, but I stopped being a people pleaser 5 years ago.  

Post # 13
1414 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Nope, not rude.

Post # 14
264 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I’d say it is only rude if you are inviting all of your other cousins, or even her parents, but it sounded like you weren’t inviting your entire family to the Destination Wedding, only to the family celebration which you plan to invite her to. Personally, I am more of a people pleaser and don’t want to offend anyone if I cared about them holding a grudge against me forever. If you think that may happen, just consider whether or not you really care. Who knows, she may not come if you invite her or she may act acceptable or you could just tune her out.

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