am i being selfish?:((

posted 2 years ago in TTC
Member
3192 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I definitely don’t think you’re selfish for wanting to start trying now. You may not even be pregnant by May! Don’t feel guilty for living your life, she may be a bit disappointed if you get pregnant, but a real friend will come around.

Member
4474 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

Live your life and don’t worry about what other people have to say. You can’t make huge life decisions, like when to have a baby, based on other people’s life decisions. 

Member
2463 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

If she wants to get drunk, why would it matter if you were preggo?? :P Even if you DID get pregnant next month, you’d only be a few months along by the time of the wedding, and it’s not like you’d have a basketball already ;)

You shouldn’t feel bad for wanting to start your family. It sounds like jealous and selfishness on her part. You’re not selfish for wanting kids with your husband. :)

Member
136 posts
Blushing bee

she is being selfish for wanting you to change your life plans for her!

Member
374 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@Isla2013:  Nope. Not even a little bit.  There are some things that a bride can expect from her bridal party. Putting off pregnancy is not, nor should it ever be, one of those things. Its a shame she’s not excited for you. And there is nothing about PCOS that means your uterus turns off at a specific age, so her resentment sounds ill-informed.  If she can’t enjoy the company of her friends and celebrate without drinking, the problem is hers, not yours!!  And good luck with the baby making ;)  

Member
3714 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

@Isla2013:  Oh no girl, don’t feel guilty, you are doing nothing wrong, if anything i think she is being a bit selfish, you should live your life reagardless what her plans are, if she is a true friend, she will be happy and supportive, not the other way around…you are obv happy for her and you will be there and if you dont drink when she gets married is not the end of the world, so you drink after you give birth, big deal, alcohol is not going anywhere….dont feel guilty, your hubby is right

Member
1866 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@BartenderPlease:  Exactly this. And research actually suggests that women with PCOS may actually be fertile for *longer* than women who don’t have it! 

OP, your friend is being totally unreasonable. Family planning is solely between you and your husband – friends don’t get veto power over your reproductive choices. You definitely should not feel guilty at all!

Member
9404 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

I’m with PP… you go along with YOUR life plans as YOU wish.  Unless you want to wait until after her wedding or whatever other reason, that decision is solely up to you and your husband, without external influence.

Member
4387 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I can see her feeling a little badly inside that maybe her events won’t be as expected (ie. you two drinking together) but she should never have expressed this to you or suggested you wait to start a family.

Do what is right for you and your DH, start a family whenever you want. She will realize after she is married that those evens while important to her now, will not seem so life altering later (especially to people besides her and FI).

Member
5129 posts
Bee Keeper

@Isla2013:  It is so not selfish of you to want to try for a family. She cannot ask you to put your life on hold for one night of drinking, that is so unfair! She is being selfish to ask that of you. Remind her that you will still be there for her in every step of the way and being pregnant will not change how good of a maid of honor you are. Also tell her all the benefits of having a pregnant MOH – show her cute pictures that you guys can take.

My BFF is getting married in July and she wants me to get pregnant SO badly – she is constantly sending me pinterest pics of pregnant BM’s with the bride and things like that. I’m sure your friend will come around!!! =)

Member
620 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@Isla2013:  I feel bad that you feel bad! I’m the same type of person, so I understand. BUT you are in NO way being selfish. She’s the one being selfish. I’m so sorry you feel like this. Hopefully she’ll come around soon and realize that your family is more important than getting drunk :)

Member
961 posts
Busy bee

You are definitely NOT selfish. You have every right to TTC and get pregnant, should it happen before May. She can’t ask you to put your life on hold for her…..you can still go out and have a good time!! :) Just without drinking.

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