Post # 1
I am getting married on Thursday. We are expecting about 150 people and we are doing a lot of stuff ourselves (meaning me, my sister, my mom). My fiance’s brother and family has flown in from Alaska and all of my fiance’s family is getting together for dinner. I’m fine with dinner, but I was told a few days ago that it is an all day thing. My fiance wants us to drive up to his dad’s house as soon as we pick the kids up from school at 1 pm. We will not be home until 8 pm. My fiance’s dad asked us to bring a side dish and my fiance informed me I needed to make something. I told him I didn’t have time and we could pick up some pasta salad or something from the deli. He didn’t like that. I am feeling very frustrated that I have to spend the entire day before my wedding sitting around with his family. I’ve never met his brother from Alaska and I realize it’s a lot that they flew in for the wedding. However, I have a TON to do including 250 roses sitting in buckets that need to put put into centerpieces and bouquets. I need to decorate my arch. I need to pack myself for the honeymoon as well as my 2 kids for the weekend family trip we are taking first.
I talked to my fiance today and told him I couldn’t get everything done. I canceled something today so I had more time to do stuff, but he says the time with his family tomorrow is a priority. I’m frustrated that my entire day is monopolized and I will be just sitting around chatting with a million things to do waiting for me back at home. Am I being selfish for not wanting to go or to not spend all day or do I need to suck it up for his family?
Post # 3
Can you ask for a compromise? Have dinner or lunch, but not the whole day. Unless he agrees to stay up with you putting all that stuff together!!
Post # 4
I don’t think you are being selfish at all, but at the same time I understand your fiance wanting his family to spend time with you. Weddings sometime turn into family reunions, who knows when everyone will be at the same place at the same time again?
Is it possible to delegate any of your projects or maybe agree to a brunch with family after the wedding day, but before you leave for your honeymoon? I am surprised that his family and your fiance would expect you to “make” a dish to take as well, if your fiance wants something homemade, show him to the kitchen.
Bottom line, you guys have to find compromises with your fiance and make sure he understands how many things need to happen. Next, you have to delegate and ask for help. A lot of times people really want to help the bride with projects, but we end up not wanting to burden someone. So don’t be afraid to ask a talented aunt to decorate that arch! Ask grandma or a sibling to help with your laundry and pack the kids for the weekend, and definitley ask your fiance to take care of the dish for the dinner you are going to with his family.
Post # 5
Also, if you have family in town, are they allowed to go with you to this dinner if they want?
Post # 6
Is there a way you could get his mom involved and get some stuff done there? Maybe she would actually enjoy helping out since she lives so far and hasnt really gotten to do any contributing to the wedding?
Post # 7
@vanessasyra: I have delegated what I can. My mom ironed the last of the tablecloths tonight and my sister will help in the morning with the flowers, but because we are getting married on a weekday, everyone is working so people who could help on a weekend are unavailable during the day. My mom is taking my wedding day off of work to help, but no one else is and everyone is working the day before. So I feel the stress of doing most of this stuff alone.
And no, my family was not invited over to dinner. Just me and my children.
@weeonebride: My fiances family is primarily men which I think is part of the problem. They are all clueless as to how much work goes into a wedding. My fiance’s mom is sort of around and will come tomorrow, but she’s not involved much and doesn’t care to be.
I will just get done what I can and if I’m no where near finished by the time it’s getting close to the time to leave, I will ask to go down later. I’m completely fine with dinner. I just can’t give up the entire day before the wedding.
Post # 8
Ugh! I would be so peeved!
I would compromise, maybe ask if you can stay for a few hours and then leave after you eat so you can have some time to do stuff. Be firm. If he is not going to be helping, then he needs to at least let you go and get done what you need to do.