Am I Being Selfish? (kind of long, sorry)

posted 3 years ago in Proposals
  • poll: Is it selfish of me to ask for a ring?
    Yes, you proposed, he shouldn't have to buy you a ring. : (11 votes)
    31 %
    No, it's not selfish. : (22 votes)
    61 %
    Teal Deer. : (3 votes)
    8 %
  • Post # 3
    667 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    Yes, you took away his moment to shine (e.g. propose) and gave him a ring. Being engaged isn’t about a ring, it’s about saying I want to marry you. You’ll get a ring at your wedding — your wedding ring. Many don’t have an engagement ring. Either buy yourself a ring or leave it.

    Post # 4
    6953 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: August 2012

    I think you have the right to want a ring. There’s nothing wrong with that IMO, and even better if you’re willing to contribute.

    Post # 5
    11772 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: May 2013

    I’m not sure I would get an e-ring in your position… But I would get a SERIOUSLY amazing wedding band!

    Post # 6
    373 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: June 2015

    I’m not really sure. The engagement ring is a token of love and a promise of commitment, so in that respect, it doesn’t matter who proposes. On the other hand, now that you are already engaged, the urgency and importance of the ring has diminished. 

    I think you can certainly have a conversation with him to find out what he thinks now, a couple months into the engagement. If he doesn’t want to buy you an engagement ring, will you be okay with that?  Your wedding is coming up pretty soon; do you want the money spent on the wedding or on the engagement ring? Does he normally buy you jewelry? What if he bought you a fancier wedding ring? All of these are questions you should discuss with him.

    My personal suggestion would be to get a wedding ring that combines your ring budgets, and has a stone in it. He can design it or order it. 

    Post # 8
    249 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: November 1999

    @classyashley:  His moment to shine? Really? What year are we in?

    Post # 9
    505 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    It’s not selfish.  My groom proposed to me, but we thought it would be great for him to get a token of his own – we got him an awesome casual watch.  I’m getting him a nice fancy one for the wedding.  He really seems to appreciate having his own engagement symbol, so I don’t see why you shouldn’t want the same!

    Also – FABU ON YOU for proposing.  I love it when women propose!  I feel like a lot of women who do actually propose (as in, bring up the idea of marriage to their significant others) they deny that they’re engaged even though they know they’re going to get married because the man hasn’t “officially” asked.  It’s such a weird power dance, so YAY YOU for proposing!

    Post # 11
    1838 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: May 2013

    i think it’s fine/normal that you want a ring, but you need to stop sending mixed messages about the fact that you want one.

    Post # 12
    23 posts
    • Wedding: June 2014

    Kudos to you for proposing!  I think its a great story, and it will be a great story to tell to your future children/grandchildren.

    IMPO, I don’t see anything wrong with wanting him to get yourself a nice ring – especially if you have no problem contributing to the cost.  He probably wants to get you something nice and something that you love.  From this post, you don’t sound selfish at all!  In fact, you sound independent, considerate, logical and reasonable.  Maybe too much so!  Let him buy you a little bling!  🙂  It’s not like you’re demanding anything over-the-top or want anything expensive!  He can still buy something for you that’s goregous and perfect without a big price tage.

    @li612:  I agree with you, I think she may be sending mixed messages.  You should try to narrow down the rings that you like, and show your FI what you like and what you want.  Its OK if you haven’t found “THE RING” or know EXACTLY what you want, but you should do some research and get somewhat of an idea.  You may be overthinking this and confusing your FI.  

    Even if you were the one that proposed, I think he should get you a nice ring that you love (and you get him a nice wedding band that he loves).  Maybe for your wedding band, you could buy that on your own, or you two could split the cost.  How you decide to spend your money is completely up to you, and there is no “right” or “wrong” way to go about purchasing your wedding rings.  But you deserve to have something nice, whether its a band, a diamond, a gemstone, etc.  There are a lot of beautiful options out there for rings!  

    Post # 13
    139 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: April 2014

    @mllebertin:  +1 Thank you! There’s nothing wrong with a woman proposing. In fact, kudos to OP for doing it! 

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