Post # 1
My best friend of the last 5 or 6 years has lashed out at me and ended this lash out by saying in a matter of fact way that she wont be in my wedding. Ending the conversation with “oh and by the way, I wont be in your wedding…” . Yes, she will be attending a professional school and just got her exam schedule for this week which she does have an exam. But gees.. she could have thought of a better way to tell me. I had to schedule my entire wedding around the fact that she was attending medical school and she couldnt come unless it was a Saturday night. Change locations, date, time, church, priest.
It was very hard to accomodate this. And no talk of ” i might not be able to make it” while I was trying to accomodate her so she could be a bridesmaid. After about a month after I was engaged, she stopped talking to me and said she couldn’t handle all the wedding talk. Followed by 2 more months of brushing me off constantly, not being supportive and not opening up to me, I finally asked her whats up.
She then lashes out at me saying I have been so selfish and not every asked how she was doing… what?? In the last few months, I have tried talking to her and she wont open up about anything. I just get these fake answers from her and not a lot of talking. And yes… in the first month, everything was all about the wedding. But gees.. I am getting married!!! Its a big deal to me!! I calmed down after hearing how upset she was about it. And just would mention things once in a while. But seems like the damage was already done.
I dont understand how someone could through away such a great friendship like this. We have been so close the last 2 years(she called me her best friend) and were friends for many years before that. I am blown away. Gues I am going to just try to be the bigger person and move on… without her. I am not going to ‘defriend’ her from FB or say anthing hateful to her. I just feel so hurt. And betrayed. Its so hard loosing a best friend.. especially during the most important time of your life. I could have used her support.
What doesnt kill you makes you stronger right??
Any positive encouragement???
Post # 3
ugh how frusterating, I don’t really know if I can make it any better for you, but that sucks and I am sorry it had to come with a fight like that. I have a friend who was so angry at me for getting engaged that he hasn’t spoken to me in about 3 months, even when I see him in town he pretends I am not there. I decided that I was going to remain open and when/ if he wanted to talk to me that would be wonderful, if not I am not going to go seeking drama by trying to talk to him. I hope you get it sorted out.
Post # 4
Oh my goodness! I’m so so sorry you’re going through this. It sounds awful. And confusing. My first instinct is that there has to be something else going on that she isn’t telling you. I mean med school is stressful but it seems like she’s really beyond normal reactions. Or maybe she’s just becoming selfish and the wedding has intensified this. I’m sorry I don’t have any good suggestions or answers but know that I’m sending positive energy your way!
Post # 5
With friends like that, who needs em?! It seems very clear to me that your “friend” is jealous of you. Consider this a blessing in disguise because she does not deserve to have the honour of being in your wedding. You are not selfish at all. Continue to plan (and enjoy planning) your wedding with the other bridesmaids. Enjoy spending time with your true friends.
Post # 6
Wow.. I’m so sorry to hear that you’re going through this. I think you’re going about it the right way though… I wouldn’t do anything hateful or childish that you may regret later– i.e. the way your friend has been acting. One day she’ll realize she’s being a jackwagon & she’ll feel horrible for making you feel bad at a time that’s supposed to be so special. And if she never gets around to feeling bad for being such a jerk, then oh, well– she wasn’t that great of a friend to begin with, now was she?
I hope you enjoy the rest of your planning & your day is EVERYTHING you dream of… don’t let this little witch ruin your day!
Post # 7
That really sucks. I have a feeling she’s not very good at dealing with the stress of med school and maybe she’s not doing very well and is jealous of your happiness? I’m a Teach For America CM (which is VERY stressful) and am getting married and I’ve kind of turned into a MEGA B****at times…especially when my friends complain about undergrad communications classes or student teaching in rich suburban districts or complain about wedding stuff. I realize I’m being crazy and can usually direct my crazy elsewhere, but somtimes it’s tough.
If the friendship is important to you, swallow your pride and apologize for not being there for her (even if you were, but she may not be thinking rationally), tell her you’d really love for her to be in/come to the wedding but you know she’s under more stress than you can imagine and you understand if she can’t participate.
Even though she’s not right and she’s being mean, try to have empathy. Hard stuff makes people crazy and even if you don’t think you’re talking that much about the wedding, it might come off that way for her. If you love her, you’ll take the high road. She will eventually come to her senses and really regret how she treated you, it might just take some time.
Post # 8
Thanks everyone for the encouragement and replies. This is such a strange situation to me and one that is hard to deal with. Its so hard loosing a friend that you really care about, especially this way. I appreciate all the advice and will def take this into consideration!!
Post # 9
When something really bad happens to you or when something really good happens to you that’s when you find out who your real friends are.
But, maybe it’s just a phase and your friendship will survive.
I hope things work out for the best whatever that needs to be…
Post # 10
Weddings do weird things to people and friendships. Maybe she’s feeling a little down that you’re getting married (is she single?) and she’s afraid she’s going to lose you. Maybe the initial first month of non-stop wedding talk compounded those feelings and her pulling away is a defense mechanism. If it were my friend, I would tell her I totally understand but she’s really important to me and it would mean the world to me if she could still be there, though I understand the commitment of a bridesmaid is too much for her right now. It doesn’t seem to me as though anyone has done anything truly horrible in this situation, it just seems like some hurt feelings on both sides, so I would really try to salvage this relationship. In the end, remember this is one day and you’ve been friends with her for years, so even if she can’t come, is it worth it to give up the friendship? Not really in my opinion. (I have a LOT of friends who aren’t coming, and yes it’s disappointing, but it’s not worth ending our friendship over.)
Post # 11
Bubalou– I never thought about it this way, thank you for the encouragement and different outlook. I hope maybe I can save our friendship 🙂
Post # 12
Honestly, I don’t think she is jealous but doesn’t have time for “small stuff” right now. I remember when my best friend was planning her wedding, I got so annoyed because it was all she talked about. I love her, she is like my sister but I wasn’t in that place in my life and it was really hard to relate to her and we became a little distant. I was still in her wedding but didn’t have time to sit and talk about every little detail etc; as I was still in school at a very competitive university.
Not every one is all about a wedding. I am getting married and don’t like the planning aspect of it.
If anyone has been through medical, law, vet, or nursing school you will know just how challenging it is…especially med and vet school. It’s soo crazy, no sleep, exams up the a**. iT’S VERY very stressful and when you are in it…nothing else matters really, you go underground just to stay a flot on your studies.
My FI was in law school and that was very difficult for our relationship. We barely made it, but we did and sooo glad to be done with it. His dad is a doctor and everything they had to go through..schooling and residency, unfortunatey takes a tough toll on the individual person and their people around them.
Hope this helps…just try and be patient and maybe you can mend your friendship.
Post # 13
For better or worse, people tend to show their true colors once a wedding is thrown into the mix. You’re entering a new phase in life and will only take along people who were true friends and cared about you in an unselfish way.
It’s definitely not a crime to be excited about your upcoming wedding and want to talk to your best friend about it. As long as you are still there for her and care about what’s going on in her life (which you did), she has no right to get mad at you for talking about your wedding. She doesn’t sound like a true friend to me. If I were you, I would respectfully accept her resignation as a BM and move on. Don’t waste any more time trying to repair the friendship because the balls been in her court and she clearly has no interest in mending it.