(Closed) Am I being selfish or is she stealing my thunder?

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
  • poll: Am I wrong to feel this way?
    NO - she is stealing your thunder! She should wait until AFTER your wedding to have her party : (10 votes)
    18 %
    YES - share the spotlight! Let her do what she wants. People will come to all the events regardless. : (47 votes)
    82 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    13101 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: July 2010

    You and your FI chose to wait close to two years after you got engaged to have your wedding.  His sister should not have to put her life and plans on hold because of your choice.  She should be able to plan her engagement party whenever she wants to long as it is not on your wedding day.

    Honestly – I’d find it a little strange for her engagement party to be 6 months after her engagement.  From what I’ve seen, those typically occur in the first couple of months post-engagement.

    Post # 4
    Member
    83 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: March 2001

    I’d probably be a bit annoyed myself if I were you, however considering she hasn’t even confirmed her engagement party date, I wouldn’t worry about it so much at this point!

    I’m sure it’s just the excitement of getting engaged that’s making her a bit woozy and over excited, hopefully when she settles down – especially considering her wedding is rather far off – she’ll decide to make her engagement party following your wedding.

    If she doesn’t budge, perhaps you could slickly mention how you would have loved to help her our with the engagement etc…or be more of a part of it, but alas…ALAS you have an entire wedding to plan…

     

    Post # 5
    Member
    10288 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: October 2011

    It’s been said a million times and I’ll say it again, you only get one day. Its an engagement party, its not like she’s planning her wedding a few months before yours. I don’t think she’s stealing your thunder at all, to be honest. Asking her to wait 6 months for her engagement party is a little selfish just because your wedding is 2 months later. If it were me, I wouldn’t worry about it.

    Post # 6
    Member
    761 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: January 2011

    I think April would be tricky, like they would be a week apart. Heck maybe you will be on your honeymoon and not have to go!! hehehe

    Post # 7
    Member
    971 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2008

    You get one day.  One. 

    I’m sure you were excited about getting a start on your planning and wanted to dive in as quickly as possible.  Your FSIL is excited about her new engagement and wants to dive in with plans.

    At least she had the common decency to ask you if you minded.  And, if you did, it was your opportunity to say yes and ask her to do something else. 

    I don’t think she’s trying to steal your thunder.  Sorry.  And I don’t see how you have to share the spotlight as her event isn’t the same day or even same week as your wedding. 

    Post # 8
    Member
    11327 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: February 2011

    I agree with @FutureKMM. An engagement party is usually held right after you get engaged, so it makes perfect sense to me to have it in March or April. I don’t think her having an engagement party at some point during the month of or the month before your wedding shower in any way steals your thunder, and I don’t think that she should have to hold off on her own planning until after you’re married. I think maybe your emotions are a bit high right now and in hindsight you will see this is not such a big deal. So, for your future self’s sake, perhaps take a deep breath, congratulate her, and be gracious and excited about any plans she shares with you.

    Post # 10
    Member
    489 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: March 2011

    How big of an engagement party are we talking?  Regardless of when her actual wedding is, it seems that her engagement party should be relatively soon- late February or March.  I would even go for January, it seems better to celebrate close to the event!  If she plans it on a weekend close to your wedding and people have to travel for both, I can see that being an issue, otherwise, no, she shouldn’t have to wait until after your wedding to have an engagement party.

    Post # 13
    Member
    5658 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: February 2012

    She can have her engagement party whenever she wants. 

    Post # 14
    Member
    10367 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: September 2010

    I think you are having an Only Child Moment. You get one day. Have a great time at their party and be a supportive sister!

    Post # 15
    Member
    1750 posts
    Buzzing bee

    @808mjm202:It’s expected for an engagement party to be within 3 months of engagement. Her EP will be months before your wedding. You are creating an issue when there isn’t one.

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