(Closed) Am I Being Selfish (VENT)?

posted 7 years ago in Family
Post # 3
8738 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2011

@YSQueen: That really sucks, but honestly I don’t think I’d postpone education to be in a wedding (even if it is a sibling’s wedding).

Can you or your family lend her the money for the flight?

I think either buying the flight for her or lending the money is a much more feasible suggestion than postponing grad school.

Post # 5
4824 posts
Honey bee

Education is way more important then a wedding. It blows, it sucks, and I would be dissapointed, but not upset with her, just about the situation.

How she pays rent is her business and if she is able to cover that through loans or part-time jobs is not going to be the same $ amt as coming home for a wedding.

Maybe she is self-absorbed or maybe she just didnt make enough money this summer? Do you know what she was making and what she spent it on? If she really did spend frivoulously (and not just normal activities which she is entitled too) then I wouldnt do anything. 

If you can talk to her and say if you can save X amt in the next 4 weeks before school, I will pay the rest (if you can afford it)

Post # 6
2701 posts
Sugar bee

@lefeymw: <

what she said, exactly.

This is nothing personal whatsoever, but education always, always trumps nuptials.

Post # 7
1755 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

@YSQueen: Agree with pps.  Sorry.

Post # 8
1843 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I understand why your upset and it sounds like she has a history of mismanagement of funds but it’s really not your business.  Yes, she should have held up her end of the bargain and it would especially hurt because it’s your sister.  I definitely don’t think you have the right to ask her to hold off on grad school though.

Are your parents in a position to help her with a plane ticket back?  It should be HER asking your parents, not you (she is the one who needs to be responsible and try to handle it).

Post # 10
8738 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2011

@YSQueen: At this point all you can do is let her know how saddened and disappointed you are that she cannot make it.

That there will be an obvious missing piece to your wedding.

You can’t ask her to delay her education.

Post # 12
1489 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I think you have a right to be upset (and I would be too) but she can not postpone school either. She will live with the regret of missing your wedding all on her own and you will just have to know that you did all you could to make sure she was there and thats it.


Post # 13
2393 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

Wow…That is a totally sucky situation, but I have to agree with the other bees…even though I really feel for you.  Postponing 4 months of her life for one day of yours isn’t exactly a fair trade.  I’m sure she’ll be able to find a job to pay her rent during school (she wouldn’t be the first to work through school).  Is there anyway you could help her out and loan her the money for a plane ticket?

Post # 14
6825 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

I am sorry that you are in this position and would be upset also. However as PP said school trumps weddings sorry. She can’t make it then she can’t you just need to go on

Post # 15
4755 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

The direct simple answer to your question: yes, you are being selfish.

Post # 16
164 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

@YSQueen: Your sister needs to get her education more than she needs to be in your wedding. It does sound like she’s not great with money, which can be TERRIBLY ANNOYING in others, but her needs have to come before your wants– she *needs* an education, you *want* her in the wedding.

Good luck! Hopefully a family member comes through for her.

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