Post # 1
My sister is supposed to be my Maid/Matron of Honor and has been planning to go to grad school out of state since May. In May, she explained that although she would be in school during the time of the wedding, she would make sure she saved enough money over the summer to come back to be in the wedding.
She hasn’t started grad school (suppose to start in Sept) and she calls me this morning to tell me that she hasn’t saved any money over the summer and that she’s not sure how she will get money to come back for the wedding.
I told her that maybe she should consider postponing going to school this quarter because if she won’t have any income to even get a flight to come back for the wedding, how is she going to be paying rent while she’s in grad school?
She thinks there is no reason why she should postpone going to school for MY WEDDING and she’s just TRYING to explain that it’s not that she doesn’t want to be in it, but that she doesn’t have any money to come back here for the wedding.
I’m LIVID. Why on earth can you not hold up you’re end of the bargain? All because you were too lazy and self-absorbed to think about somebody else.
Post # 3
@YSQueen: That really sucks, but honestly I don’t think I’d postpone education to be in a wedding (even if it is a sibling’s wedding).
Can you or your family lend her the money for the flight?
I think either buying the flight for her or lending the money is a much more feasible suggestion than postponing grad school.
Post # 4
@KatNYC2011: She’s already $400 in the hole with me which I’ve decided to just write off as a loss. She constantly has money problems because she doesn’t think through her decisions which is the reason why I refuse to lend her money for the flight.
Post # 5
Education is way more important then a wedding. It blows, it sucks, and I would be dissapointed, but not upset with her, just about the situation.
How she pays rent is her business and if she is able to cover that through loans or part-time jobs is not going to be the same $ amt as coming home for a wedding.
Maybe she is self-absorbed or maybe she just didnt make enough money this summer? Do you know what she was making and what she spent it on? If she really did spend frivoulously (and not just normal activities which she is entitled too) then I wouldnt do anything.
If you can talk to her and say if you can save X amt in the next 4 weeks before school, I will pay the rest (if you can afford it)
Post # 6
what she said, exactly.
This is nothing personal whatsoever, but education always, always trumps nuptials.
Post # 7
@YSQueen: Agree with pps. Sorry.
Post # 8
I understand why your upset and it sounds like she has a history of mismanagement of funds but it’s really not your business. Yes, she should have held up her end of the bargain and it would especially hurt because it’s your sister. I definitely don’t think you have the right to ask her to hold off on grad school though.
Are your parents in a position to help her with a plane ticket back? It should be HER asking your parents, not you (she is the one who needs to be responsible and try to handle it).
Post # 9
@lefeymw: She was working at a job that covered her room and board and transportation for the entire summer. She lives with my parents so she didn’t have to pay for rent while she was working the job. The only bill she had to pay was her cell phone bill. She actually made more at this job in the 2 months that she was there than she’s ever made at any other job (more than a few thousand dollars). So obviously, she spent her money frivoulously.
In the same breath telling me she wasn’t going to have enough money for the flight, she told me she was looking and talking with people on Craigslist about buying a Mac laptop which is money she obviously can put towards the flight.
I completely agree that education is more important than a wedding, however, when you make a commitment and state that you’re going to do something (save money over the summer) and then don’t do it because you didn’t feel like it, I have a serious problem.
Post # 10
@YSQueen: At this point all you can do is let her know how saddened and disappointed you are that she cannot make it.
That there will be an obvious missing piece to your wedding.
You can’t ask her to delay her education.
Post # 11
@milesbella: Unfortunately, my parents aren’t really in the position to help her. My parents are basically living on one income.
Post # 12
I think you have a right to be upset (and I would be too) but she can not postpone school either. She will live with the regret of missing your wedding all on her own and you will just have to know that you did all you could to make sure she was there and thats it.
Post # 13
Wow…That is a totally sucky situation, but I have to agree with the other bees…even though I really feel for you. Postponing 4 months of her life for one day of yours isn’t exactly a fair trade. I’m sure she’ll be able to find a job to pay her rent during school (she wouldn’t be the first to work through school). Is there anyway you could help her out and loan her the money for a plane ticket?
Post # 14
I am sorry that you are in this position and would be upset also. However as PP said school trumps weddings sorry. She can’t make it then she can’t you just need to go on
Post # 15
The direct simple answer to your question: yes, you are being selfish.
Post # 16
@YSQueen: Your sister needs to get her education more than she needs to be in your wedding. It does sound like she’s not great with money, which can be TERRIBLY ANNOYING in others, but her needs have to come before your wants– she *needs* an education, you *want* her in the wedding.
Good luck! Hopefully a family member comes through for her.