- 4 years ago
- Wedding: December 2014
My boyfriend and I have dated for almost a year and in the past couple months have talked of getting engaged soon. He is bascially one of the nicest guys I have dated, and always does the little things like buying me flowers, setting out the things I like at his house, and setting up massages for me on stressful weeks. He has spoiled me more than I ever have been, especially the first few months. I know the honeymoon phase doesn’t last forever, and I am trying to see if that is just what this is. He still does the nice things, just not as often.
These past few weeks I just don’t know how to take things. We had a long talk a month ago, and almost broke up over different political/ religious views, we worked through them, relized we agree on a lot of things, and compromised on the other things in that they are no longer that much of an issue. However he has repeatedly said things that offend me lately. He has said through out our relationship that I ask too many questions, usually in a joking manner. Here lately he says it almost everytme we are together. For example I was telling him of a friend building a home, and handling the contractors themselves to save money. I simply said I think it would be hard to do, and asked if he thought it would be hard. He threw his head back and was like “your constant questions just never stop”. He could see I looked hurt, and grabbed my hand and said he was sorry. I started crying and told him he has made me so self concious I feel like I have to monitor everything I say to make sure there are no questions. I told him I felt he didnt like my personaity, or who I am, since I am a talker. He said he felt terrible and wouldn’t say it again and he felt awful for hurting me. He said he loved me just the way I am, and didn’t want me to change. Well 3 days later I simply asked how his diet was going and was he getting full off what he ate. Again he said I just asked so many questions. He said he was really trying, but I said I had tried as well. I admit I talk alot and in speaking am often telling my opinion, and asking what he thinks, or how something went. But isn’t that how we communicate in life? I am so self consious now, I don’t know how to act anymore. Then on top of it I was talking with him last night and he mentioned how he hated it when ppl whine about what they are going through like they are special and nobody else has gone through things. I intentionally said “I guess I whine sometimes too much” just to see if he was referring to me, and he said “well it’s ok, you will get back on top of your life and it won’t be so hard. I just think it important we don’t play the victim. ” It really pissed me off he said this. As I have been through incredibly hard circumstances the past year, such as last month being told my daughter needed brain surgery, she has also has a multitude of serious medical problems and may be out of remission now and going back on chemo, having unexpected sugery myself in Dec, my brother being hospitalized multiple times in the fall, and grieving my past longterm relationship which I was cheated on. I don’t whine about these things all the time. But there is always something serious going on, at times it is overwhelming. Sometimes I vent to him, but I honestly try not to, as he says it is always best to be upbeat. I am very offended at the things he has said, and sick of him telling me I ask so many questions when I am just having normal conversation, and then saying I shouldnt play the victim facing chemo and surgeries with my daughter.
I honestly know he doesn’t mean to offend me, but he is. He is out of a bad relationship too, where his ex wife cheated with his best friend and took a huge amount of money. He has told me before he is so angry at her, he is afraid at times like this he takes it out on me. I don’t know what to do. I have been hurt too, but I am not talking it out on him. What makes it so hard is he wil say something stupid like this, then apologize, say he will try more. Take me home, cater to me, be nothing but nice for a couple of days, then it happens all over again. Does it sound like I am just too sensitive? Just need to let him have more time to get over his wife’s betrayal? (He has been divorced 2 years, just found out his best friend cheated with his wife 2 months ago)In fairness, it has been since he found out about that, that this behavior started. In the meantime we decided we are both too hurt and damaged to decide on marriage now and have said we will wait until at least summer to even think any more about it. (But like he does, he said something stupid Saturday, then took me house looking the next day.) He confuses me so much!!