Post # 1
my FI’s ex-roomie (who hasn’t spoken to me in months) and her boyfriend (who didn’t even offer congrats to my guy when we shared the happy news – instead he just looked depressed) want to throw us an “engagement party” for some weird strange unknown to me reason. i don’t want this!!! their idea of an engagement party is to invite all their friends over who i don’t even know or like, and get drunk and act like idiots. this is not really my style.
i really don’t like this girl and i don’t want to let her do this. i may be cynical and paranoid but i can’t help but think there is some kind of ulteriour motive…
because they have been so nasty to me in the past i feel like letting them throw this awful party would be giving in to them, or in some ways it feels like she’d be taking something away from me… i know that probably doesn’t make sense, but i wouldn’t want more than one engagement party, so i feel like this would be ruining my vision of having a party with our close friends and family.
we tried telling her that it’s not our style, we’re not center of attention people (this is totally true, i am already dreading everyone staring at me while i walk down the aisle!), but she is being so pushy and said “too bad, we’re doing it anyways”!! wth?? i mean, FI basically said it would make us uncomfortable and she’s insisting on doing it anyways??
ugh. am i being too cynical? maybe she really is trying to be nice? what should i do??
Post # 3
You could just not attend. It sounds weird. If she wans to have a party and obviously has no regard for whether you want it, its obviously not in your honor.
Post # 4
Just don’t say anything anymore. Let them plan it, and don’t show up!!! Maybe then that will get your point across, and if they’re only doing it for a chance to get drunk with their friends, then they won’t even miss you. Then when they confront you about it, you can just say, "we told you we didn’t want this party, and since you were so pushy it was obvious you only wanted it for yourself. So we did all of us a big favor by not coming."
Post # 5
Is a family member or close friend going to host an engagement party for you? If so I would just let them know that one is already being hosted and then send them an invite.
Post # 6
No, your=’re not being cynical. I would hate for my engagement party to be like that. and you could be right, there may be an alterior motive.
One way to avoid it is to tell them that the two of you are really busy and don’t have time for one right now. Or that you’ve already had one and would hate to hurt the orignal host feelings.
Or come straight out and say you’re not comfortable with an engagement party that has alcohol
Post # 7
if they’re not hearing you when you say you don’t want one, then just don’t provide them with any information (your availability, etc) to plan one. passive aggressive but maybe that will work? or the moment will pass and they won’t get around to planning it?
Post # 8
i like the passive agressive ideas 🙂 thanks for the responses, i am happy to hear i am a little less cynical than i thought! haha
Post # 9
Absolutely not. I KNOW that everyone says you should be gracious if someone is throwing you a party. I think thats bull- if you’re not close to these people, and you don’t lilke the girl (sounds like isn’t exactly a pal of yours either) I say you tell them you don’t feel comfortable with that since you are not close, and if they throw you a party you either don’t go, or you show up for a minute and leave before the debouchery begins. They dont sound like great friends anyway, so you shouldnt be afraid of hurting their feelings. I know it’s hard, but you shouldn’t be made to feel uncomfortable. Its a happy time!
Post # 10
I’m SOOO glad to see all you ladies are so level headed! I agree with you all! IO know there are many who’d disagree out of “etiquette” but I think you’re completely right to feel this way!
Post # 11
i am so glad i am not being unreasonable to decline a party 🙂 we think we’ve come up with a compromise so we won’t insult people. do you think suggesting a congrats dinner at a restaurant instead of going to their apartment would be a reasonable alternative? that way it won’t get the title of engagement party, and i would feel much better about it