Post # 1
My MOH recently got engaged and she had asked me to help plan her wedding. She then informed me that I’m a natural choice to be her MOH but she won’t include me in her wedding party because I am already her wedding planner and have a child. I don’t want to be petty and not that I care about being a bridesmaid. I do want to help her and want her to be happy but can’t help the feeling of being her B-list friend. Is there any other way to look at the situation?
Post # 3
My feelings would be hurt too. Plenty of girls kind of expect their MOH to be a pseudo-planner and help out with things, so I certainly don’t think that should preclude you. Not to mention, being “just” the planner seems to be almost treating you as the hired help.
All of that said, if you look through the boards, you’ll see PLENTY of girls complain that their BMs have kids, are pregnant, aren’t devoting enough attention etc etc. She really may just think you won’t be able to focus on her wedding the way she wants you to. Like I said, my feelings would be hurt as well, but I don’t know the situation. Maybe she thinks YOU’D rather not have the added responsibility. You may want to try talking to her. If she’s a good friend, this isn’t something you want to let fester.
Post # 4
Thank you for your input. She is my bestfriend and I’m probably hers. That feeling of hurt i’s already festering though I find it a difficult topic to bring up. I already helped budget her wedding, placed down a deposit for the ceremony site with my own money which I haven’t gotten back and not planning to ask for it back (it has been considered a gift by me already), took her dress shopping and selected a dress that she will purchase. I was also asked to negotiate with vendors for her and many more things but I won’t list them all here. The point is I have devoted more time and attention for her wedding so not being attentive is not it. Oh, did I mention she is godmom to my kid as well? Perhaps she is just not that into me! =/
Post # 5
I would bring it up to her that you think you can handle the planning duties as well as the MOH duties. It’s almost as if she’s making you do all the work, but not giving you the recognition. Try to talk with her about it and see what she says.
Post # 6
Reassure her that you would be committed to your MOH duties. If she doesn’t go for it, I’d hesitate to continue helping to the extent you are if she is not going to recognize your love, friendship and hardwork on the wedding day.
Post # 7
I would be insulted. Having a child does not preclude you from being a BM or MOH. I also think it was salt in the wound to say that you WOULD have been her top choice, buuuuuuuuut still no. And on top of it, you’re doing her a giant favor by helping with the planning.
Personally, as hard as it might be, I’d try to talk to her about how hurt you are. Make sure she knows that you’re not trying to guilt her into adding you, but that her actions and her alleged reasoning was hurtful. Maybe she had another reason but is just not saying it. If she’s your best friend, she’ll be open to hearing your feelings on this.
Post # 8
I’m not sure I have much advice. but Iwould definitely feel hurt.
Post # 9
The role of wedding planner is quite important! And maybe she wants you front and center helping in that regard?
I would be hurt, but would like to hear her out and see her thoughts on the subject. Certainly being a mom wouldn’t be a valid reason, but having her be the one who is coordinating everything might be.
Post # 10
I would just talk to her about it. Reassure her that having a child does not mean that you would not make a great MOH, find out why she hesitates so much with this decision. My feelings would be hurt to, but if you don’t talk to her about it, resentment will build.
Post # 11
I think you should be honest with her about your feelings. Tell her how much it meant to you to have her in your bridal party and how much it would mean to you to be a part of hers. Tell her that you wouldn’t mind any added extra pressures. I think it’s better to be forthright about it instead of letting your resentment fester. If she really is your best friend she will understand and probably be really happy that you want to be in the bridal party and help her plan.
Post # 12
The thing that I think is bothering you is that there’s no ‘honor’ to being the wedding planner. Since you are such close friends and you are the ‘natural’ choice, you should be getting put up on a pedestal a little instead of being asked to hang in the background and do the dirty work. Being honored means being a MOH or BM.
If I were you, I would take her aside and gently explain it to her. Tell her your feelings are hurt because while you love helping her out with her wedding, you don’t feel like she’s giving you any recognition by not making you a BM. Tell her that wedding planning tasks like you are handling is actually typically done by BM’s/MOH’s and you feel strange not being part of her bridal party while doing all the dirty work.
Post # 13
I don’t blame you for being hurt. I am my sister’s MOH AND I am planning the wedding. It’s a lot of work….and honestly, I wouldn’t mind just planning and NOT being the MOH or vice versa. BUT I would be hurt if it wasn’t even offered due to the amt of time and effort I am putting into her day. From your post it seems like you are going above and beyond what any bride should ask for/expect out of MOH so you might as well have the title.
Post # 14
What does having a child have to do with not being able to be in the bridal party? And unless she’s paying you, you aren’t her wedding planner you’re her wedding servant. Sounds like she has some issues lol
Post # 15
As a current Bride with a friend with 2 kids (they are 13 months apart – youngest is 3 months old), I did not ask my friend to stand in our wedding. She is one of my nearest and dearest friends, but I told her with everything going on with the new baby, the toddler and she is an 8th grade teachre that is very involved in the school activities that I just didnt’ think she would have the time. I did tell her that I would like her help the day of the wedding if she would like, but I am certainly not demanding it and that I thought she would make a lovely guest (with or without the children). She is fine with it. She does ask if I need help, she has offered her home to assemble my invitations. she has offered to help set up the reception hall. She knows I love her and her kids,but that I know she is pushed to the max right now without the added stress of bridal party stuff.
Post # 16
I would be hurt and explain that to her. I can also understand her perspective as a bride… it is a selfish time and she must be afriad that you will not have the time. I would reassure her that you do and go from there.