Post # 1
I have been feeling a little down lately and would be keen for some advice/perspective on a situation.
I’m in my late 20’s and work with two girls of a similar age. One of these girls has just started with us (lets call her A) and has bonded with the other girl (lets call her B) – ignoring me. I used to have quite a good relationship with girl B but now kinda resent being left out and have not been making any effort with her lately.
I don’t get included in conversations, they go out to lunch together and out for drinks after work. They have also taken it on themselves to be the ‘work social committee’ so organising any get-togethers within the office (10 people in the office). There are no other girls in the office.
I don’t actually like Girl A, I dont really want to be her friend as we have nothing in common and I feel like she is quite fake. She is also a centre of attention kind of girl – the opposite to me.
I guess my questions is, how would you handle this? I feel so high school about this. I am also really conscious of the fact that people are sick, losing jobs and having real problems and here I am creating mine – but that doesn’t make me feel any better!
Have you ever been in this situation?
I don’t have a lot of friends as I have recently moved to this city and I am in a long distance relationship. I live with my sister but she is in a job that has her away from home the majority of the time.
Any thoughts, advice appreciated
Post # 3
- Wedding: September 2010 - MacLean Park
Aw, I’m really sorry to hear that. A good friend of mine actually had this same problem, but with her roommate. Honestly, the best thing to do is wait it out, and still try to be a friend to B. You don’t have to invest a lot, but at least let her know you’re still around. Maybe you could find a new place to meet friends, sometimes coworks are hard as there’s a conflict of interest on occasion. I kind of have the same problem, making new friends is pretty tough for me. Maybe you’ll meet a cool neighbor, or you could take a cooking/sewing/dancing class! This could be an opportunity rather than a crisis. Everyone deserves a friend who won’t ditch you when someone new comes around.
Post # 4
I totally get and understand where you are coming from nzbride because I used to be in that very same position at a previous job. When I brought the situation up with my mentor (outside of work) he put a different perspective on it that I use daily now. He said that people often dislike in others what they dislike in themselves.
So for me, my issue was with a girl who was always “me me me” and “I did this this and this.” Because she was always self-promoting, she got a lot of recognition and was assigned the better projects/accounts, etc. Meanwhile, here I was quietly doing the better work than her but I seemed to get no recognition. What I realized was I hated the fact that she was really good at self-promoting while I sucked at it. From then on I tried to make friends with her to learn how she does it. Being around her made me a lot more confident in myself so having her around actually helped me at work. If it was not for her I would not have learned of this weakness so I actually quietly thank her in my mind for being the way she is.
I am not sure if your situation is the same but putting a different perspective on it sometimes helps.
Post # 5
Ugh, there’s a reason they say “three’s a crowd”. It’s a tough dynamic.
You just still have to try to be friendly with both of them, or you’ll only end up getting pushed further and further on the outs.
Post # 6
@bottlehalffull: First, don’t be shy because others are unemployed, have bigger problems etc. Just like there will always be a prettier, wealthier, luckier person than you, there will always be the opposite as well. Everyone is allowed to feel upset once in a while!
I had a similar situation. This new girl started and unlike your situation we had a lot in common; kid the same age, look (we are in the beauty business so this is “important”) and in similar relationships. Until… her bf and her broke up, she’s now a single mom, and now nobody cared to ask about me or my family, and everyone just loved her. I would mention something I wanted (ex. a certain model of car) and she would go out and get it. This happened with so many things, I finally figured out; I’m better off in her eyes, getting married, owning my own home, etc. She’s actually jealous of lil old me! And I’m jealous of her, not in a spiteful way, but she’s really pretty and doing it all on her own, and buying a new car, and going back to school… Silly when you think about it!
I think B will realize the girl is just another girl after a while and get bored of her. The newness wears off. You are not acting like you’re in H.S. but you feel ignored and that’s a valid feeling for anyone!
Post # 7
@baldor1 you hit the nail on the head and I am familier with that saying, I know it as you love or hate in others what you love or hate in yourself. That was big of you to recognise your weakness and rectify it! Im not convinced it’s in me but will give it a shot.
I need to snap out of it and stop wasting my brain power on them. I take your advice on board and will think about it over the weekend!