(Closed) Should I have written a note for my son? please read.

posted 5 years ago in Parenting
Post # 3
1426 posts
Bumble bee

I COMPLETELY agree with your approach!  BIG kudos to you!!  I recently found an article about how parents should be raising kids to become responsible adults, not just “happy kids” and this totally follows that!

If this was a job at a company, and your boy handed in a report with a whole page missing, he probably wouldn’t get a second chance to fix it, he would get reprimanded for it, like you did with him.  I really don’t understand people’s approach with blaming the teacher instead of actually helping their child learn how the world ACTUALLY works.

I hope if I have kids, I can raise my children in the same way! 

Post # 4
2951 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

Hes a kid….. everyone makes mistakes and if it doesnt happen often with him I dont think it is THAT big of a deal. He just missed a paper on his homework. Honest mistake.

 I can understand the speech but probably wouldnt have taken an entire week of xbox away. Maybe just a couple days and made him do the paper and turn it in regardless if he got credit for it or not.

it is good that you let him know how important it is to slow down, read everything and take your time. Im also glad you didnt write a note to the teacher….. thats ridiculous haha

Post # 5
11234 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

Wow, yeah, that is a little harsh. Kids make mistakes. Hell, I know college students who have done the same thing. I think telling him that he made a mistake and needs to be more careful next time was probably enough. Maybe the loss of Xbox, too. Extra reading, the bulk of your lecture, and making him do that page was really overboard for a small mistake.

I don’t agree with your mother, though. He made a mistake and it got marked wrong. Sucks for him, but next time he should be more careful. The lesson here should be that he made a mistake, he needs to own up to it, suck it up, and move on.

mom: Son, what’s this D on your homework?

son: Oh, I missed a page and got marked down.

mom: That sucks. Do you think you deserved the D?

son: Yeah, I made a mistake and missed a page.

mom: And you’re going to be more careful from now on, yes?

son: Yep.

mom: And no Xbox for the rest of the week, that way you have more time to pay attention to your homework and getting it all completed. You can get it back when you show me that you’re paying attention.

son: BOOOOO. But okay.

Post # 6
247 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@stardustintheeyes:  I don’t think you should ask the teacher why she marked it wrong, although I do think maybe the punishment is a liiiittle overboard. But it’s all relative really… 

Post # 7
1685 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

I graduated salutatorian of my high school class, so obviously I wasn’t a slacker.  That isn’t to say that I never got a D in school.

My parents never punished me over a D because they knew that getting good grades was important to me.  They assumed I messed up and I realized it.  I knew I was paying for my own college, so I worked hard with the idea that if I screwed up, it would be on me.

One D won’t ruin your grades and it hardly makes it a habit.  Additionally, it helped knock me off my high horse to get these occasional grades.  Kid need to feel failure a few times, or they aren’t ready for real life.

So yes, he should suffer the consequences, but I don’t think he needs to be punished for one bad grade.  Obviously he’s doing the work and he understands it.  Getting the D would have been punishment enough for me!

That being said, you should BY NO MEANS contact the teacher!  If he wants to fight the grade or make it up, that’s on him, and that’s a good skill for him to develop.  Let him figure it out.

Post # 8
2214 posts
Buzzing bee

I probably wouldn’t have taken away the xbox, but I generally agree with your approach, especially about not contacting the teacher. I absolutely hate when parents blame every mistake their child makes on the teacher. I think having him do the page to make sure he actually understood it and didn’t need help was a good idea too.

Post # 9
286 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I dont have children yet but I think you handled it wonderfully! So many people want to coddle their children and make it someone else’s fault when they make a mistake. Its very clear that you are an amazing mother and your child will thank you when he is a successful adult. 🙂

Post # 10
1202 posts
Bumble bee

I have no children, but I was disciplined just like this as a child. I mean, for one little homework assignment it might have been a little much, but I really think it’s good that you instill the sense in him now that it’s his responsibility to keep up with that stuff and not his teacher. 

I’m in my fifth year of university and even at 400-level classes I see my peers blame professors for something that was clearly the student’s responsibility. 

Post # 11
8226 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

How old is your son? Personally I think that’s a little bit harsh for an honest mistake. If he’s used to getting A’s I would assume he feels crappy enough about the D.

Post # 12
3773 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 1999

I think it was little harsh, and I think I am pretty strict with my kids. I have a 10 year old daughter and I would have had her sit and finish the sheet. We have a rule that homework is done as soon as she gets home. If you don’t, I would implement that as well.  I would definately not contact the teacher or bring up him getting another chance to turn his work in. This morning my daughter forgot her homework folder at home. I thought about taking it up to school for her, but it is her responsibility so here it sits, with her completed homework. At that age I feel they can take responsibilty for things like this.

If it were an onoging problem I would definately support the banning of the xbox.

ETA: We generally limit games and TV during the week as is. It is homework, play outside with the neighbors or sports practice, dinner, shower, read, and then bed.

Post # 13
3368 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

I could have written this!  As a mom of a 6th grader, we’ve had this exact same thing happen and I think you absolutely did the right thing.  It’s so hard to get them to understand why it’s valuable to check their work, or simply slow down and do your best job.  Your punishment can only help him in the long run and I bet he’ll be checking every thing he turns in to be sure he didn’t miss anything!  🙂  Especially with a student who gets A’s fairly easily, they can start to take it for granted and not realize that need to still put in a little extra effort. 

Definitely don’t ask the teacher to let him redo it!  Some teachers do have an option to redo work for a passing grade, but that is up to the teacher.  I’d ask my son (or check the teacher’s website) if this is a possibility, and if so your son then has the responsibility to make it happen.  It’s not a special favor granted to him.

You and Fiance discussed it… that’s ALL that matters.  My mom and my sis are great for talking about things, but in the end you have to go with your gut.  We’ve started a new thing we’re calling “consequence jar”.  We write out punsishments on slips of paper and fold them up, drop them in a jar, and then he has to play his luck and pick one.  Things like you described above, going to be 30 minutes early, emptying the dishwasher (if it’s not his chore)… whatever fits your parenting style. 

(But… if he starts to overlook pages or begins to struggle on a more regular basis, I’d schedule a conference with his teacher and look into what might be going on, without continuing to punish him.)

Post # 15
1501 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I think you did what you had to do and hopefully he learns to pay more attention in the future. I’m glad that the teacher marked him down and there wasn’t a second chance on he work. Kids need to learn somehow.

Post # 16
2440 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@stardustintheeyes:  I think you definately overdid it. It’s your choice whether or not you want to ask teacher for a second chance. I actually agree that it was right of you to have him keep the grade he earned, and to have a talk with him about checking his work, and taking pride in what he turns in.


However, grounding him from his toy was excessive. That sort of thing is best left for intentionally misbehaving, don’t you think? He’s already being ‘punished’ for his mistake by not making the grade you both want. If your child has a difficulty, or makes an honest mistake academicaly which is not for lack of trying, please don’t punish them for it. Help them overcome it, instead.


I agree with @MrsRuby:  in that you should have him go over his missed page and have him turn it in to you for grading. That way, he doesn’t miss the learning oportunity, and it reinforces that he needs to double check his work in his memory.


Just want to reiterate that you will not help your child in the long run by taking a disciplinary approach to education (unless he starts being obstinate and intentionally not doing his work).

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