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Oh goodness. I am so sorry to hear this.
I have to say that I understand and although I am not going to be a teacher, I def hear it about other things. My FI does not always stand by me on things either. It does seem as if he doesnt understand my feelings and pushes them to the side. Most of the time when I talk to him though it is just that he knows that by saying something it will turn into a larger issue and be worse so his way of handling it is to ignore it.
Though, it doesnt seem to be like that for you. I wish I had a great advice for you but you have talked to him already once, all I can say is try again or see if it happens again.
I am so sorry.
~hugs~
My mom is a teacher, too, and I hear comments like this all the time (and get similarly annoyed). I just have to remind myself that most people really have no idea how much time and effort goes into teaching, not to mention personal expense. I usually laugh and say something like, "Yeah, yeah. You'd be surprised how hard they actually work, though, even through the summer," and let it go.
The guy sounds like a jerk. Alas, the conversation has already happened with the dad's friend...so it's unlikely he'll bring it up again. If he does, you can say 'Yes, we've already covered your feelings on this.' and then just walk away. Hopefully though, this isn't someone you'll see on a regular basis.
Too sensitive? No.
I have been a teacher for 33 years and yes that comment STILL gets under my skin. Obviously he NEVER experienced a qualtiy educator and we can thank those that get the media coverage with the bad choices for helping our profession to be looked down upon.
With that said, what you encountered was a "bully" and it truly showed his lack of education and knowledge of what good teachers do. They truly make differences in children's lifes. Along the way you will find some wondeful supportive people, students who come back to thank you and you need to value that. I have a file filled with nice letters and notes, so when I get one from a 'jerk' I just pull the box out and read one from a successful student who has grown into a productive adult and it makes me realize what a REAL LOSER people like him are. We also have our "jerk letters" that we learn to laugh at over time!
When you have time and the place is right, you should discuss this with your Future Father In Law and then let it go. Tell him how it made you feel and that to please understand if you disappear the next time the jerk comes over that is the reason why. You understand he is his friend and that you are sure he has good qualities but being "nice and welcoming" is not one~ and laugh and let it go.
Yes he was wrong and you stood your ground~ let it go and know that many wonderful teachers LOVE THEIR JOB and encounter people like that way too often. Your skin will grow thicker in time, but it never will be acceptable. Would you ever make fun of someone's job?
aww, that is very uncool. I'm sorry, Chreeee123! I am not a teacher, but my mother is and many of my relatives are. It is amazing to me how many people are so disrespectful of this profession. Unfortunately you are going to run into men and women who feel this way. When you encounter these jerks you just have to smile in the knowlege that they are morons who just don't know any better.
As for your FI, that's a hard one. I think if it were me I would talk to him about how to be supportive, even when he doesn't think it is a big deal. For example. For example, "You are right-- it's not a big deal and I shouldn't care what he thinks. But I do care what you think, and by not standing up for me it comes across to me and to others that you agreed with his comments. I don't want to turn this into an argument-- I just want to know that you understand how I feel."
Tampamom - thank you! You sound like my mom - she has been a teacher for awhile too and when I started to tell her about this, she already knew what I was going to tell her even before I said it because she gets this comment so often. She said that now, when people say something like "Oh you teachers never work and have summers off blah blah blah" she just says "Oh yea it's so great - I'm very lucky to have a job that allows me to have off summers".
I guess I need to grow some thick teacher skin!
Thank you everyone for your kind words :)
I am not a teacher; however, I cannot stand when people make ignorant comments like this about teachers. The next time you're around your FFIL's friends, and they make a comment like this, just let them know that it's because of teachers that kids grow up to be wonderful people in the professions that they choose.
Without the help of teachers, where would we all be today. I love to think back to my younger years and about my favorite teachers. Some of which I may have struggled in their class, but because they made sure that I knew the material I needed to know to be the person I am today.
Some other things people don't think about is the lack of personal time teachers receive during the school year. Most teachers in our area get 3 personal days to use throughout the year, and can't take them on inservice day or up against a holiday weekend. That's working 9 straight months with 3 days off (besides holidays)...so a 3 month vacation in the summer is well deserved!
My suggestion is to consider the source. Clearly this man didn't pay much attention to his teachers throughout his life in school and could have learned some valuable lessons from them. Like when not to insult others' professions!
P.S. Congrats on going for your teaching degree! Wish you all the luck!
I agree with Tampamom - us teachers have to develop a thick skin because your father in law and his rude friend are NOT the only people who feel that way, and you will figure that out soon enough, unfortunately. You can't become a teacher for respect, because you won't get it. You have to do it for the kids and let other people's rude comments and attitude roll off your back!
i do not think you are being sensitive at all. that guy was a J.E.R.K! i don't know what he does, but he is probably very insecure. i find when people make rude comments, it usually stems from their own insecurities about themselves. think about it....when you are really, truly happy.....have you ever had negative thoughts about anything (besides war and poverty, of course)?
as for your FI, you will need to have a talk with him. you are each other's source of support and no matter how he feels about something, if it means taking sides between you and someone else, he should always be on your side,...no matter what. the same goes for you.
i think it's okay to disagree on things and ok to debate it amongst each other, but if someone were to ever make my FI feel bad about anything, i would always be on his side and stick up for him.....even if i didn't agree with him.
if you can't be tbe supportive of each other....why spend your lives together? just have a gentle talk with your fiance and let him know that it's important to you that you both support each other.
Well, what that guy said is really rude. I mean, really, what a jerk! Probably showing off with his laughing and being all chovenistic. You'll probably see this guy again, and he'll likely be the dude going "so, how's being a TEACHER" all sarcastic. So come up with something a little rude to show that you don't want to listen to his assenine discussions. Umm...maybe, "well it's teachers like me who work hard to make students like yours excel". I dunno, something. I'd mull it over and cement it into your brain. That being said, you're always going to have people insult your profession so I'd try not to be too sensitive in passing. I see both sides--yes, I'd be offended, but I'm also relatively logical and I'd be telling myself "no big deal, don't let it eat you up" because I take things really personally in general and I don't want my day to be ruined by somebody who obvoiusly has half a brain =]
I'm an engineer, and I always hear that I get paid too much for doing so little. That we don't deserve our higher paychecks. I always say, "well, you take calculus 3 and dynamics of materials and then we'll talk" or something like that and people usually stare blankly back at me. Try to come up with a catch-all comment that'll shut people up, or you'll have to grow some thicker skin.
The majority of people are very appreciative of what teachers do! I mean, I certainly couldn't do it. I'd loathe it. Never in a million years would I be a teacher and I commend you for it! But, realize that while you wish your FI would agree with you, often men are less sensitive than woman so he's not always goign to say "oh i'm with you" so you can't expect that. After all, he probably expects you to agree with him that it wasn't a big deal. He should agree with you that the guy was a jerk though! Cuz that's just so obivous =]
i'm a teacher and while i haven't gotten that comment yet, that is so unbelievably rude to say! teachers are SO underappreciated, it's rediculous! i'm sorry you had that encounter with such an ignorant person but you are doing such a great thing by choosing this profession, you really will make a difference in kids' lives! i'm sorry your FI didn't come to your defense, he should have! until he apologizes, i say u have every right to be upset with him.....good luck!
what a jerk! well, i would agree my feelings would be hurt as well and i'm sure your finance would agree that he was out of line. really, in the end though, your finance is right. you shouldn't care what his fathers friends think of teachers. what does it matter? you want to make a difference in the world, so don't let ignorant people get you down!
Ugh, that guy sounds like a jerk.
I've been considering becoming a teacher for a while now. I have a biology degree and I can make the switch from the lab to teaching really easily b/c they really need science teachers here. It's a really difficult decision for me b/c I like to be able to be flexible in my time off and I know the first year will be very difficult.
It drives me nuts when people make those comments about teaching. My roommate says stuff like that all the time and I argue with her every time she says it!
That being said, I wouldn't let your FFIL's opinion get you down. The odds are, you won't have to see this man very often. Just accept that he is a jerk and move on.
Thats terrible. No one has the right to insult anyone's profession--it just reeks of insecurity and bad taste. I was a designer for two years and I'd always get comments about how easy I had it, sitting there drawing pictures on the computer all day. I'm going back to school to teach at the university level and I couldn't be more excited! I say you find some kind of sassy comment to retort next time they say something like that, and I definitely think your fiance should have your back on this. Maybe you just need to tell him again how important your profession is to you and how when someone insults it, it feels like they're insulting a vital part of you.
@Chreee123: no advice, just wanted to offer you some support. I joined Teach for America after college and taught in an inner-city school in Las Vegas for three years. I think that the public at large has no concept of how difficult being a teacher is. I think teachers get painted as just nurturing and cute or hardened, bitter, and terrible at their jobs. I didn't even realize it myself before I started teaching. Being a teacher is very physically demanding and, if you truly value being good at what you do, it requires an enormous amount of mental energy, time, and planning.
However.....it's unbelievably rewarding. You'll be so happy once you start teaching. You'll love it! Good luck!
Also.....I totally roll my eyes at people who mock teachers' summer vacation time. I would always think to myself, "I would love to watch you come on in and wrangle the 150 thirteen-year-olds who come parading through my door all day, THEN tell me I don't deserve my vacation."
You're not being too sensitive. People's views on teaching (as people's views on every other job except the ones they've had) are always very skewed. It can hurt more as a teacher, I think, because teaching is such a social job.
I think you maybe need to bring up how much it bothers you again, because it sounds like the message didn't really get through, but I also think you're going to develop a thicker skin about it.
People say such things all the time. They resent teachers for their long vacation, without having any concept of how difficult it is to engage today's young people and to attempt to help them with their problems and then to go home and worry about them some more. They don't understand that teaching is a 24/7 profession in a lot of ways. Likely their children have learned to lack empathy too. It's sad.
Wow, that is so rude! Teaching is seriously one of the most rewarding jobs. I wouldn't trade my job for anything!
I have gotten some flack though because not only am I a teacher, I'm a preschool teacher. And not only that but a Montessori teacher at a private school, which is an educational method that a lot of people don't understand. But I could care less because I go to work every day and I love my job. How many people can say that?
The summer vacation thing is irritating too. Try handling a classroom of 30 three to five year olds every day, and then tell me I don't deserve a vacation.
Comments like that just need a: "Wow. I can't believe you just said that."
I completely understand.. Both of my parents are elementary school teachers and I am going to school to do the same, and they are CONSTANTLY working out of school doing all kinds of little things that people don't even consider when they think about the job, my dad is working the summer school this summer, five days a week, five hours a day.. This same issue came up where a parent of one of the kids in the school system said the exact same thing about teachers and it really got my dad mad.. People will be ignorant though, and he didn't get involved with it because he wasn't going to change this guy's opinion.. Everybody else around him, including teachers though, tore every one of this guy's arguments down though, making my dad feel better about it.. In my opinion, teachers have one of the hardest jobs, because it doesn't end when the school day is over, they have to interact with all different kinds of people from all different kinds of backgrounds, meet deadlines and standards of all kinds and do so much extra work outside of the classroom that it's crazy.. This guy will only understand if he spends a day in the classroom..
I think everyone who thinks being a teacher is "easy" should be locked in a classroom with 30 kindergarteners for 6 hours -- on a RAINY DAY.
I had a boyfriend once who would make comments like, "Yeah I only get 2 weeks vacation a year, because I have a real job." ?!?!
I know this doesn't help you at all, but I totally understand. You'll hear this kind of stuff your entire teaching career. Hopefully your FI will understand more as time goes on and he sees your dedication, your hard work and how TIRED you are when you come home from dealing with those children all day... and how poorly you're likely to be compensated for it! Right now you're not a teacher yet, so maybe he doesn't have that firsthand knowledge. But I bet he'll figure it out pretty quick!
Ugh. As a 4th grade teacher, that comment instantly strikes a chord with me. As rude as it was for him to say straight to your face, as many of the other people have already mentioned before me, it's a common assumption that people make about the teaching profession. I honestly believe that the only people that truly understand the time, effort, compassion, etc that goes into teaching IS teachers! (and some people that are related to teachers) Unfortunately, this is a comment you are going to have to get used to....I'm not saying it's right, I'm just saying that won't be the last time you hear it. And I will say, it stings just as much each time you hear it. Grr.
Anyways, congrats on choosing teaching as your profession. How many people can honestly say that they impact the lives of others on a DAILY basis. We are under paid and under appreciated, but I wouldnt change my job for anything in the world. :)
p.s. please excuse all my grammatical mistakes. I just reread my post, and I am embarrassed by the number of mistakes I found! I'm supposed to be a TEACHER for pete's sake! haha. I blame the late hour and my heated emotions!
Too sensitive? ABSOLUTELY NOT! I'm a before and afterschool + summer camp teacher right now and I'm in the process of getting my teaching credential. In a conversation at a family party one day I was telling someone how I'm a teacher and what I do and my husband made the comment along the lines of "oh, she's not a 'real' teacher..." and I was like WTF?!?! Needless to say we had a nice, long conversation about my not being a 'real' teacher once we got home. He was apologetic and said that his words came out wrong. I felt like it was totally offensive and it is. People don't understand how much of an impact you have on a child's life, even if you only spend 4-5 hours with them a day, or on those summer days when you are with them for 10+ hours. PLUS, they have NO IDEA how exhausting of a profession it can be. Seriously, the FFIL, friend, and even your FI are all quite rude for all of that and your are right in what you said to your FI and if that conversation happens again with your FFIL, the friend, or both of them, I think you need to, as my co-worker says, "Blow their hair back!"
No, you're not being too sensitive. This guy is an a$$. It doesn't matter if he felt that way, he really shouldn't have said it (not like his feelings were justified). I have heard that people with this profession seem to run in to comments like these pretty often. My advice to you is just think of a witty remark in order to respond to these people.
Wow :) I'm so glad that there is such support for teachers here...I wouldn't have expected anything different though :)
Go Teachers !!
I came to the party a little late but I have to make a comment. NO, you are NOT being too sensitive! I am a teacher (also a Teach For America alum) and, as many previous posters have said, I HATE HATE HATE when people make comments like this. One of my FI's friends (well, more like casual acquaintences, thank goodness) said something like, "Oh, a kindergarten teacher, you must have it so easy," when I told him what I did. Um, yeah, you try teaching 20 4- and 5-year olds to read. It's not all rainbows and coloring books, dude. The bigger issue I have with comments like these, though, is that it just perpetuates the attitudes that many people in this country have about teachers and their value to society. Teachers are overworked and underpaid, and while yes, there are bad teachers in the world, that's true in any profession. We are teaching your children to be intelligent, respectful, thoughtful people! Maybe if teaching was better respected, there wouldn't be all these "lazy teachers who just want a summer vacation" (and there are not as many of those as people seem to imagine there are, either).
That being said, I wouldn't start a fight about it with your FI (and you clearly have not done that, so not saying you would, just saying!), but I would stand my ground about it and if it happens again, I would definitely bring up the fact that you both need to support each other, especially when someone belittles your life choices. And then I would probably say something scathing to the commentor. But you are probably not as mean as me ;-)
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This may get long...and is mostly a vent.
This past weekend I was hanging out with my Fiance, his dad, and some of his dad's friends. His Dad's one friend asked me what I did and I said right now I'm just working, but I'm going to school to be an elementary school teacher and that I was really excited - he burst out laughing and said sarcastically "Oh yea, teachers, they have it sooo hard, they work 180 days a year but get paid for a full year's work. They barely work at all" etc. etc. And then I said "Well I have to disagree - my mom is a 6th grade teacher and she works from 7:30am-8:30pm six days a week and takes grad classes and tutors during the summer so she works pretty hard." And he bantered back at me with something else while laughing and joking to the other guys about it and then I just dropped it from there because I didn't want to say the mean things I was thinking!
Needless to say, my feelings were hurt and I was really surprised that someone would insult my (and my mom's) profession of choice to my face. Today I brought it up to my Fiance that my feelings were hurt and I thought his dad's friend was a jerk for insulting me and my Fiance kind of rolled his eyes and said it wasn't a big deal and that I shouldn't care what the friend thinks.
I think I'm valid in feeling upset and now I'm upset at my Fiance for not supporting me/standing up for me. He tends to do this sometimes and take the "logical" stance instead of siding with me and understanding my feelings. I feel like I may be overreacting a bit, but at the same time I don't think it's good that the doesn't try to understand or support my feelings. How should I bring this up to him without sounding whiney or accusatory? Or is my PMS making me too sensitive and should I just get over it?
Thanks :)