Am I being too sensitive?

posted 2 years ago in Bridesmaids
  • poll: What should I do?
    Send a rational non accusatory email : (0 votes)
    Talk to her directly : (20 votes)
    87 %
    Say nothing : (3 votes)
    13 %
  • Post # 2
    Member
    5351 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: October 2009

    In any situation if a friend or family member says something to you that upset you, you should communicate with them. And by communicate I mean talk to them, do not text or email. 

    Post # 3
    Member
    812 posts
    Busy bee

    If she is close enough to be in your wedding then I think you should be able to be frank with her. Tell her that her comments about your weight are not nice and not wanted.

    Post # 4
    Member
    1119 posts
    Bumble bee

    Wow! That’s just unecessary! AND ridiculous, in what world is a UK 12-14 plus size?? (not that it makes a difference to how inappropriate it is to make comments like that). I think you should probably say something while you can be calm about it rather than risk a blow up if she says it again.

    Post # 5
    Member
    6021 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: October 2014

    Texting and emails are only going to make this situation worse. Those are not good choices when it comes to communicating, especially about topics that make either person feel emotional or sensitive. A simple “hey Jane, i know you didn’t mean it, but what you said the other day about my weight really hurt my feelings and I don’t want to have any misunderstandings between us, so can we please put that topic off-limits from now on?” would be sufficient, as long as you are talking in person. She probably has no idea that her comment was hurtful and you have to let her know, but if you do it by text/email the chances for more misunderstandings is massive.

    Post # 5
    Member
    6021 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: October 2014

    Texting and emails are only going to make this situation worse. Those are not good choices when it comes to communicating, especially about topics that make either person feel emotional or sensitive. A simple “hey Jane, i know you didn’t mean it, but what you said the other day about my weight really hurt my feelings and I don’t want to have any misunderstandings between us, so can we please put that topic off-limits from now on?” would be sufficient, as long as you are talking in person. She probably has no idea that her comment was hurtful and you have to let her know, but if you do it by text/email the chances for more misunderstandings is massive.

    Post # 7
    Member
    42453 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    I think this is best dealt with at the time someone says it. If you rise the issue now, it may blow up into something beigger than you want it to be.

    Post # 8
    Member
    1236 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2014 - San Francisco, CA

    That’s a bizarre and tactless thing to say, but I think a big long email about it would be overmuch. Maybe the next time you see her you can say (totally non-confrontationally) you can say “Kristen, the last time we hung out you said [whatever] and it really kind of hurt my feelings. I realize you were trying to be helpful, but if you could not make comments about my size, I’d really appreciate it.” Then she knows, and has the opportunity to apologize (or not). Then let it go. But don’t maintain a friendship with someone with whom you live in fear of a bodyshaming at any moment.

    Post # 9
    Member
    12998 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2011

    The time to say something about it was right when she said it.  I think it’s a little too late to bring it up again now.  But if it bugs you that much, let her know, it would seem petty and oversensitive now if you bring it up after the fact and show you’ve been dwelling on it imo though.

    Post # 11
    Member
    1236 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2014 - San Francisco, CA

    Manxy:  Seeing it as “getting into it” is exactly what you want to avoid. You aren’t starting a fight, you aren’t demanding amends, you’re mentioning an experience that made you uncomfortable. If you think she’s going to respond with hostility, you might not want to be her friend. If you’re anticipating being hostile or accusatory or confrontational on your end, that’s a problem, too.

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