Post # 1
This may get long…and is mostly a vent.
This past weekend I was hanging out with my Fiance, his dad, and some of his dad’s friends. His Dad’s one friend asked me what I did and I said right now I’m just working, but I’m going to school to be an elementary school teacher and that I was really excited – he burst out laughing and said sarcastically "Oh yea, teachers, they have it sooo hard, they work 180 days a year but get paid for a full year’s work. They barely work at all" etc. etc. And then I said "Well I have to disagree – my mom is a 6th grade teacher and she works from 7:30am-8:30pm six days a week and takes grad classes and tutors during the summer so she works pretty hard." And he bantered back at me with something else while laughing and joking to the other guys about it and then I just dropped it from there because I didn’t want to say the mean things I was thinking!
Needless to say, my feelings were hurt and I was really surprised that someone would insult my (and my mom’s) profession of choice to my face. Today I brought it up to my Fiance that my feelings were hurt and I thought his dad’s friend was a jerk for insulting me and my Fiance kind of rolled his eyes and said it wasn’t a big deal and that I shouldn’t care what the friend thinks.
I think I’m valid in feeling upset and now I’m upset at my Fiance for not supporting me/standing up for me. He tends to do this sometimes and take the "logical" stance instead of siding with me and understanding my feelings. I feel like I may be overreacting a bit, but at the same time I don’t think it’s good that the doesn’t try to understand or support my feelings. How should I bring this up to him without sounding whiney or accusatory? Or is my PMS making me too sensitive and should I just get over it?
Post # 3
Oh goodness. I am so sorry to hear this.
I have to say that I understand and although I am not going to be a teacher, I def hear it about other things. My FI does not always stand by me on things either. It does seem as if he doesnt understand my feelings and pushes them to the side. Most of the time when I talk to him though it is just that he knows that by saying something it will turn into a larger issue and be worse so his way of handling it is to ignore it.
Though, it doesnt seem to be like that for you. I wish I had a great advice for you but you have talked to him already once, all I can say is try again or see if it happens again.
I am so sorry.
Post # 4
My mom is a teacher, too, and I hear comments like this all the time (and get similarly annoyed). I just have to remind myself that most people really have no idea how much time and effort goes into teaching, not to mention personal expense. I usually laugh and say something like, "Yeah, yeah. You’d be surprised how hard they actually work, though, even through the summer," and let it go.
Post # 5
The guy sounds like a jerk. Alas, the conversation has already happened with the dad’s friend…so it’s unlikely he’ll bring it up again. If he does, you can say ‘Yes, we’ve already covered your feelings on this.’ and then just walk away. Hopefully though, this isn’t someone you’ll see on a regular basis.
Too sensitive? No.
Post # 6
I have been a teacher for 33 years and yes that comment STILL gets under my skin. Obviously he NEVER experienced a qualtiy educator and we can thank those that get the media coverage with the bad choices for helping our profession to be looked down upon.
With that said, what you encountered was a "bully" and it truly showed his lack of education and knowledge of what good teachers do. They truly make differences in children’s lifes. Along the way you will find some wondeful supportive people, students who come back to thank you and you need to value that. I have a file filled with nice letters and notes, so when I get one from a ‘jerk’ I just pull the box out and read one from a successful student who has grown into a productive adult and it makes me realize what a REAL LOSER people like him are. We also have our "jerk letters" that we learn to laugh at over time!
When you have time and the place is right, you should discuss this with your Future Father In Law and then let it go. Tell him how it made you feel and that to please understand if you disappear the next time the jerk comes over that is the reason why. You understand he is his friend and that you are sure he has good qualities but being "nice and welcoming" is not one~ and laugh and let it go.
Yes he was wrong and you stood your ground~ let it go and know that many wonderful teachers LOVE THEIR JOB and encounter people like that way too often. Your skin will grow thicker in time, but it never will be acceptable. Would you ever make fun of someone’s job?
Post # 7
aww, that is very uncool. I’m sorry, Chreeee123! I am not a teacher, but my mother is and many of my relatives are. It is amazing to me how many people are so disrespectful of this profession. Unfortunately you are going to run into men and women who feel this way. When you encounter these jerks you just have to smile in the knowlege that they are morons who just don’t know any better.
As for your FI, that’s a hard one. I think if it were me I would talk to him about how to be supportive, even when he doesn’t think it is a big deal. For example. For example, "You are right– it’s not a big deal and I shouldn’t care what he thinks. But I do care what you think, and by not standing up for me it comes across to me and to others that you agreed with his comments. I don’t want to turn this into an argument– I just want to know that you understand how I feel."
Post # 8
Tampamom – thank you! You sound like my mom – she has been a teacher for awhile too and when I started to tell her about this, she already knew what I was going to tell her even before I said it because she gets this comment so often. She said that now, when people say something like "Oh you teachers never work and have summers off blah blah blah" she just says "Oh yea it’s so great – I’m very lucky to have a job that allows me to have off summers".
I guess I need to grow some thick teacher skin!
Thank you everyone for your kind words 🙂
Post # 9
I am not a teacher; however, I cannot stand when people make ignorant comments like this about teachers. The next time you’re around your FFIL’s friends, and they make a comment like this, just let them know that it’s because of teachers that kids grow up to be wonderful people in the professions that they choose.
Without the help of teachers, where would we all be today. I love to think back to my younger years and about my favorite teachers. Some of which I may have struggled in their class, but because they made sure that I knew the material I needed to know to be the person I am today.
Some other things people don’t think about is the lack of personal time teachers receive during the school year. Most teachers in our area get 3 personal days to use throughout the year, and can’t take them on inservice day or up against a holiday weekend. That’s working 9 straight months with 3 days off (besides holidays)…so a 3 month vacation in the summer is well deserved!
My suggestion is to consider the source. Clearly this man didn’t pay much attention to his teachers throughout his life in school and could have learned some valuable lessons from them. Like when not to insult others’ professions!
P.S. Congrats on going for your teaching degree! Wish you all the luck!
Post # 10
I agree with Tampamom – us teachers have to develop a thick skin because your father in law and his rude friend are NOT the only people who feel that way, and you will figure that out soon enough, unfortunately. You can’t become a teacher for respect, because you won’t get it. You have to do it for the kids and let other people’s rude comments and attitude roll off your back!
Post # 11
i do not think you are being sensitive at all. that guy was a J.E.R.K! i don’t know what he does, but he is probably very insecure. i find when people make rude comments, it usually stems from their own insecurities about themselves. think about it….when you are really, truly happy…..have you ever had negative thoughts about anything (besides war and poverty, of course)?
as for your FI, you will need to have a talk with him. you are each other’s source of support and no matter how he feels about something, if it means taking sides between you and someone else, he should always be on your side,…no matter what. the same goes for you.
i think it’s okay to disagree on things and ok to debate it amongst each other, but if someone were to ever make my FI feel bad about anything, i would always be on his side and stick up for him…..even if i didn’t agree with him.
if you can’t be tbe supportive of each other….why spend your lives together? just have a gentle talk with your fiance and let him know that it’s important to you that you both support each other.
Post # 12
Well, what that guy said is really rude. I mean, really, what a jerk! Probably showing off with his laughing and being all chovenistic. You’ll probably see this guy again, and he’ll likely be the dude going "so, how’s being a TEACHER" all sarcastic. So come up with something a little rude to show that you don’t want to listen to his assenine discussions. Umm…maybe, "well it’s teachers like me who work hard to make students like yours excel". I dunno, something. I’d mull it over and cement it into your brain. That being said, you’re always going to have people insult your profession so I’d try not to be too sensitive in passing. I see both sides–yes, I’d be offended, but I’m also relatively logical and I’d be telling myself "no big deal, don’t let it eat you up" because I take things really personally in general and I don’t want my day to be ruined by somebody who obvoiusly has half a brain =]
I’m an engineer, and I always hear that I get paid too much for doing so little. That we don’t deserve our higher paychecks. I always say, "well, you take calculus 3 and dynamics of materials and then we’ll talk" or something like that and people usually stare blankly back at me. Try to come up with a catch-all comment that’ll shut people up, or you’ll have to grow some thicker skin.
The majority of people are very appreciative of what teachers do! I mean, I certainly couldn’t do it. I’d loathe it. Never in a million years would I be a teacher and I commend you for it! But, realize that while you wish your FI would agree with you, often men are less sensitive than woman so he’s not always goign to say "oh i’m with you" so you can’t expect that. After all, he probably expects you to agree with him that it wasn’t a big deal. He should agree with you that the guy was a jerk though! Cuz that’s just so obivous =]
Post # 13
- Wedding: June 2010 - Tannery Pond at the Darrow School
i’m a teacher and while i haven’t gotten that comment yet, that is so unbelievably rude to say! teachers are SO underappreciated, it’s rediculous! i’m sorry you had that encounter with such an ignorant person but you are doing such a great thing by choosing this profession, you really will make a difference in kids’ lives! i’m sorry your FI didn’t come to your defense, he should have! until he apologizes, i say u have every right to be upset with him…..good luck!
Post # 14
what a jerk! well, i would agree my feelings would be hurt as well and i’m sure your finance would agree that he was out of line. really, in the end though, your finance is right. you shouldn’t care what his fathers friends think of teachers. what does it matter? you want to make a difference in the world, so don’t let ignorant people get you down!
Post # 15
Ugh, that guy sounds like a jerk.
I’ve been considering becoming a teacher for a while now. I have a biology degree and I can make the switch from the lab to teaching really easily b/c they really need science teachers here. It’s a really difficult decision for me b/c I like to be able to be flexible in my time off and I know the first year will be very difficult.
It drives me nuts when people make those comments about teaching. My roommate says stuff like that all the time and I argue with her every time she says it!
That being said, I wouldn’t let your FFIL’s opinion get you down. The odds are, you won’t have to see this man very often. Just accept that he is a jerk and move on.
Post # 16
Thats terrible. No one has the right to insult anyone’s profession–it just reeks of insecurity and bad taste. I was a designer for two years and I’d always get comments about how easy I had it, sitting there drawing pictures on the computer all day. I’m going back to school to teach at the university level and I couldn’t be more excited! I say you find some kind of sassy comment to retort next time they say something like that, and I definitely think your fiance should have your back on this. Maybe you just need to tell him again how important your profession is to you and how when someone insults it, it feels like they’re insulting a vital part of you.