Post # 1
Okay, My Fiance ( I am new here so I am assuming Fiance is my fiancée) lives in England I am here in NC. I am planning and paying for everything myself. He will be paying me back when he gets here. He has moved in with family and no longer has computer access like he used to and we now only talk about once a week (maybe) and a few text here and there. Here is the issue. I am really angry with him right now. I am left with every decision and I am also a student and single parent. I am doing a good bit of DIY and he is totally useless to me right now. He gives no input on anything. I have found out who my friends are during this process because very few of them have any advice for me either. I try not to talk about it much, so I don’t bother them. But I am at my wits end. I feel so alone like I am planning a wedding that no one cares about to man that doesn’t exist. The only person I have to talk to is my mom and she hates most of what I am doing or complains about me spending money. Do men really help out anyways? WHen he was here he did help and we did get a few things done. And I know he loves me. Heck he packed up everything and moving here to be with me. So am I being a bridezilla or what is wrong with me? I haven’t told anyone how I feel but you all here. Thanks for any advice. Crying as I wrote this lol sorry for any typos.
Post # 3
@kate.barrick: You only talk once a week??? That to me is a bigger red flag…I understand you are long distance but talking once a week seems like a recipe for the relationship to break down. I honestly think more contact and communication would help you feel less overwhelmed and rejuvenate your interest in planning.
Post # 4
I don’t think it’s irritational. You seem to have everything on your shoulders, but no help or communication with anyone. You need to have a serious talk with Fiance about how you’re feeling. There is no other way for you two to communicate? How much longer will he be out there? That’s quite the commitment.
I wish you the best of luck in the end!
Post # 5
@MsNarwhal: Fiance and I live an hour and a half apart and we only talk maybe once a week, we text each other occasionally too though. Sometimes schedules just don’t work but that doesn’t mean the relationship isn’t working.
@kate.barrick: When you do get to talk to him next, can you tell him how you’re feeling? Ask for his input on maybe just a couple small things? Also, groups like the Bee here are great for ideas and venting when your friends are sick of hearing about the wedding. I don’t have a child but I’m a student so I know you must be extra stressed. Maybe try to cut back on some DIY details so you’re not so overwhelmed- people won’t remember the little things. Good luck!
Post # 6
@galloway111: In this situation it clearly isn’t working. It can work (obviously) for some couples but OP is feeling lonely and like she has no one to talk to. Suggesting more communication (i think) would definitely help her in this situation.
Post # 7
@MsNarwhal: I agree more and/or better communication sounds like it would be helpful in this case, but I feel like your post implies that talking once a week is a recipe for disaster and a red flag for anyone, by your wording. Sorry if I misinterpreted.
Post # 8
I think it depends on the man. Overall, I think the woman plans more because they care more. They have been dreaming and thinking about their wedding much longer than the man usually even thinks about marriage. My Fiance never considered or thought he would get married until he met me. I don’t think guys are programed like us to be in constant planning mode where we eat, sleep and drink wedding, but I think if you were to give your Fiance an option like say, which of these three centerpieces do you like the most…it is easier then just saying…what do you want for a centerpiece? I always pick my top 3 favorite things, centerpieces for example, and ask my Fiance to choose. This way he has input and he also feels like he’s helping out.
Post # 9
We used to talk every other day and a lot of emails between. But the past month he has been travling around to have his final visits with friends and family before he comes here Dec 16th. I try to be understanding and I feel guilty taking him away from everyone (which hell tells me not to because I am worth it all). We have been doing this for a year and a half and I just think maybe knowing the end is near but not near enough is making it worse. I wanted to just go to the Justice of the Peace but he wanted a wedding so here I am planning it while he is vactioning all over England. lol I will have to cut back on some of the DIY things because I just threw them out the back door and stopmed on them and now they are in the trash. No more crepe paper kissing balls. A little much I know but I also have PMS and midterms right now. Thanks for the help!
Post # 10
@kate.barrick: I still dont understand why you two cant talk more often? Does he not have phone service where he’s traveling?
Honestly, if this was me, I would either push the wedding back so he could help me. Or I would plan just a small dinner with just family and not a huge bash.
Post # 11
Hmm… if he’s the one who wanted a wedding, he should be involved. I don’t think you’re being irrational. A wedding isn’t something you should plan alone.
Post # 12
I honestly couldn’t handle the talking once a week thing, but that’s me.
No, you’re not being irrational in how you feel. You’re swamped and reasonably frustrated. I really feel that your Fiance needs to step up his game. If he really wants this wedding, he needs to be finding a way to communicate with you regularly and get involved. Just because he’s far away doesn’t mean he can’t offer opinions and suggestions.
Post # 13
So he wanted the wedding but has no opinions on things and you’re the one who’s left planning and making everything while also taking classes and being a single mom, not to mention paying for everything yourself and only talking to him once a week? Sure he’s picking up his life and moving here, but it seems like you’re doing too much.
I agree with @Bostongrl25: that maybe you should push back the wedding. It all seems pretty stressful right now and no matter how much he claims to not have an opinion on things, when he’s here and you’re talking on a regular basis and he can actually help you with things, I bet he’ll have much more of an opinion.
Also, why exactly are you paying for the whole wedding? He’s paying you back for everything? What’s the story here?
Post # 14
Well evidently Skyping once a week isn’t working or me either. I can’t push back our Jan 7 wedding. Everything is booked and paid for basically. It isn’t a big wedding just about 65 people and wedding/reception in same place. To call long distance from a cell costs a small fortune on his calling plan and he is out in the middle of nowhere where service is spotty at best. He doesn’t want to run up his friends and families phone bill, but there is always a phone card. And as for no help with the wedding his response is always that he has no clue what looks good and he leaves it up to me because everything I have done so far he loves.
And as for the money thing, he is waiting to get his money transferred here and every time he visits he leaves me money. So I guess I shouldn’t I say pay for everything. Anything wedding related when he was here last month he did pay for. So that was not fair for me to say.
Post # 15
My husband really got me sad that he didn’t want to be more involved. One day he said “I am not a girl”. It’s hard cuz you want your Fiance to be involved, but most men seem to just want to show up and marry you 😀 It will all be worth it! Don’t worry. Good luck to you.
Post # 16
Sounds like you are feeling the stress of a lot of things and just getting really overwhelmed and maybe it came across as a relationship situation when really you just needed to unload some feelings. After reading your responses above, it sounds like you’re positive that you want to marry this person, and that’s what’s important. An LDR can be so, so hard–hang in there, it’s just a little longer!
Consider cutting your wedding down to the basics–what are the most important things to you, and what can be considered “extra?” As a wedding guest, I always notice the music, food/drink, and the overall vibe of the guests…if everyone’s havng a good time, it’s going to be a great wedding! Those details are icing on top, but probably not worth the stress at this point. Good luck to you!