- Blog
- Bios
- Boards
- Classifieds
- DIY
- Gallery
- Vendor Reviews
- Shop Weddingbee
Weddingbee boards
wow i just realized i miss spelled a million word.lol. sorry.
here are the shoes by the way, and they would be in blue
Not everyone can wear heels. She might have a legitimate concern.
Are the dresses long or short? If they are long, you really won't see her shoes in any pictures.
That sounds cheap to me! But you don't really want to generate bad blood over shoes, especially with your sister. It could make the day-of less happy if she's feeling annoyed. Why don't you get all your bridesmaids together and see if you can all agree on a pair of shoes.
Eh, I wouldn't be a fan of someone asking me to wear a certain shoe, especially for $60+tax :/ If it was closer to $20-$30 I would probably suck it up and buy the shoe you wanted, but $60 is asking a lot if the girls wouldn't wear it again (and it sounds like you are picking a pretty unique shoe that maybe wouldn't be super re-wearable).
I love heels but would much rather be given a certain color and I could purchase my own shoe at my own price-point. Also, if your sister doesn't like/doesn't wear heels often she will probably be miserable walking in heels that day. You should also remember that every girl has a different foot and what feels comfortable to one could put another in a lot of pain.
Just my two cents!
ETA: I don't think $60 is a lot for shoes as I regularly spend $100+ on my heels, however I do think it is a bit much for a shoe that wouldn't be worn again/I don't like.
OMG are they the floral high heels??? I was begging my BFF to wear those lol...sadly, she hates the shoes!! But i thought they were so so so cute!!!!!
Thats not asking too much, at least IMO
I would hate havig someone dictate my shoes to me. First of all, I'm really picky about what kind of heels I can wear because I have a super high instep. Secondly, I have like 200 pairs of shoes, so I would probably already have something in the color the bride wanted, and I would resent having to buy a pair that I would never wear again.
So yes, I think you're being unfair. Let them pick their own shoes.
The dresses are short. I just feel like she if making up excuses because her husband will not like her being taller than him. In that case i told her she can just change her shoes...but in that case it would be a waste of money. Also, my other 2 bridesmaids love the shoes. SO its just her not wanting them. And shes my matron..
Oh, that might change things then. Does she normally wear heels? Meaning, can she walk in heels?
I would maybe look for a cheaper pair.
I'm not a fan of someone telling me what shoes to wear. I have very high arches, so cute shoes aren't always the most comfortable for me. I don't think $59 is a lot for shoes, but honestly, no one looks at shoes in pictures. I don't know if it's worth your time or energy to fight over.
I've been a bridesmaid several times and always chosen my own shoes. Shoes are very individual and many people do not feel comfortable in certain styles.
So i guess i cant really make her wear them :( it just sucks...
What would you guys think should be an alternative?? My dresses are going to be blue and my wedding colors are purple and blue.I plan on wearing blue shoes as well.
You ladies do make a good point though...im obsessing over one thing that wont be in all the pictures.hehe
Would you object to using another accent color? I could totally see bright yellow shoes being awesome with a blue dress!
would the yellow clash with my purple?? Also...she would probably argue that she would never wear them again..
Yellow actually complements purple because they are on opposite sides of the color wheel! Also those flats I posted are from Old Navy for only $20 so maybe she could find a cheap yellow shoe like that? Or worst case scenario you could purchase something like them FOR her and you would only be out $20 or so :/
I wouldn't make them wear the same shoes, infact, I let my BMs (my two sisters) wear whatever dressy shoe they wanted as long as they were the color I picked (which was black, so super easy for them). I have one sister who is short like me and was practically born wearing heels...where as my other sister is 5'10" (lucky brat lol) and it would be a death defying act to get that girl to safely wear heels. So, yeah...not everyone does the whole heels thing.
Being a bridesmaid is tough, but also so is being the bride. It's easy for us brides to write off the expenses of our 'maids because it's our wedding and we're so excited for it. But, having been a bridesmaid several times, I also remember the irritation of dropping a crapload of money on a dress I would never wear again. I would have been beyond annoyed to have to buy a $60 pair of shoes that I would never wear again. Infact, I probably would have put my foot down about it and said no.
But, maybe this will help you out...it was an odd situation that happened at my wedding. First, I'll let you know that I'm a 100% control freak. I HAVE to be in control and make the decisions because it gives me stability in life. Well, every single freakin wedding detail I "had" to have control over. Well, imagine my joy (actually rage) when I found out the best man (my DH's bro) decided he would surprise me by wearing a purple shirt under his suit (purple was one of my wedding colors). I was FURIOUS (because how dare someone change the wedding party clothes without consulting me LOL) But, he was so excited because he truly thought I would like it that I didn't have the heart to tell him to go back to white. I figured that in 20 years, would I really care about that purple shirt? No. And guess what, it's only been 6 months since the wedding and I can look at that purple shirt and smile. My point is, don't make a big deal out of something that is not going to matter 20 years down the road. The dresses, yes, those will be important in their own way in the pictures. But seriously, other than you, the bride, no one , and I mean no one is going to look at your wedding pictures and say, "Oh my gosh...just look at how awesome those shoes are." Nope. They're going to be saying how stunning you look and how wonderful the dresses are, etc. So, if I were you, I'd just try to let the whole shoe thing slide.
If it's that important, tell her you'll buy the shoes (or offer to pay for half) and ask her to wear them for photos and the ceremony. Then, she can change her shoes at the reception. That seems like a fair compromise....
Does she just not want to wear high heels or is there a reason she doesn't want to wear them (other than being taller than her hubby)
I'm coming from a totally different POV. Shoes are my thing! And I based most of the wedding colors on the shoes. FH picked the dress color and when I saw the shoes I fell in love. So from there, we got our accent color. All my BM's LOVED the shoes so it was not really a problem UNTIL my super tall BM with a size 11 shoe, ended up with a girls 11! And now it's discontinued? And only a 12 exists? And they will put tabs in them? I realize if she wears a different shoe- it's not the end of the world. I'm at the whatev point! Are these the shoes?
EDIT: Ugh. I just need to go to bed.I can not post pics...
I'm uncomfortable when brides choose dresses, accessories, shoes, etc. that their bridesmaids really hate. Yes, you get to decide what the event is going to look like, but I think if people are putting up legitimate concerns, that it's better to be polite and make a compromise.
Did you talk about a budget for shoes beforehand? If so, it really is only fair to honor it. I think it's fine if you want them to wear the same shoes, but you should make sure that every BM can afford them and finds them comfortable. As for whether she would ever wear the shoes again...I don't think you have to honor that request. It is your wedding, your colors, etc. But she should feel comfortable and confident in the clothing.
As an alternative, how about you pick the shoe color that you want the bridesmaids to wear, and they choose whatever style they like?
if she's your MOH I don't see why she has to wear the same shoes. the MOH can be a little different. Shoes aren't worth fighting over-- or if you can afford them, why don't you offer to buy them in lieu of a gift for being your attendant?
I would offer to pay for the shoes. If you're paying for them, she is less likely to object. Luckily for me, my bridesmaids were all pretty easy and wanted to match. It also helped that I picked a neutral silver color which they can rewear. For the one bridesmaid that wasn't that enthusiastic about buying a matching pair, I just told her I'd buy it for her and she was fine with it.
Honestly, I would have a real issue with wearing heels for a wedding. They are incredibly uncomfortable for me, plus I never really learned to walk in them so I would be really clumsy. And I've had foot problems in the past that are aggravated by high heels. So from my point of view, I'd much rather be told to buy shoes in a particular color than to buy a specific style of high heels.
And that's even leaving aside the fact that most shoes are not made in my size (11AAAA).
I don't tend to wear heels a lot either. I'd rather be told, this is my favorite shoe, because I like the flower... if you want to wear a flat then I need it to be cute and floral! I would hate to spend an extra sixty bucks on something that I won't wear again. (I have gotten bridesmaid shoes that I wanted to trash in the first half hour... they were so uncomfortable.
I think you would be best trying to find a different pair of shoes for her or letting all three girls pick out three different pairs of shoes.
Personally, $60 + tax is a lot of money for shoes. I don't spend that much on my shoes that I wear every day. If I do spend over $50 for shoes its because I love them and I will wear them frequently.
I told my 6 BMs to wear whatever shoes they wanted. 5 of them ended up getting the same pair (great price, and comfortable) but my sister really wanted to wear flats. So she got a different pair of shoes. Obviously the dresses were long so it didn't really show, but it worked out FINE. Everyone was comfortable and happy and had shoes that were comfortable to them and they could wear again.
Personally, I think $59 is completely reasonable.
However, I think your situation is actually better than you think! All of your bridesmaids love the shoes, so they can wear them and your MOH doesnt so she can wear something else. It would stand out a whole lot more if it was one of the other girls who didn't want to wear them. Alot of MOH have something *different* about their outfits anyway, so her's will be her shoes.
Shoes are such a personal thing, I don't think it's worth your time and energy to fight it. Just be sure to come to some sort of compromise that you both can live with.
It's just not worth having you sister be miserable all day. That is the last thing you need
Good luck!
I agree that $59 is reasonable, especially when I think your dresses are on the affordable side as well. That being said, she's a complainer. Maybe I'm a mean person, but I'd make her wear the shoes. :P I would not want one of my BMs wearing a short dress in flats. Heels make legs look better. Also with short dresses, any slight difference in shoes will be very noticeable.
Are you having all the shoes died? If so, your other option would be to have her wear another pair of shoes of her choosing as long as she has them died the same color. If the issue really just is with the heel, that should make her happy, but will it make YOU happy? It's your wedding day and those shoes will be in your pictures!
Well for me, I told my MOH and my BM to get whatever shoe they wanted, as long as it matched. So maybe you let them pick their own shoes, as long as they have the same one.
I think that the price is reasonable, but I'd hate to make my bridesmaids buy shoes that they'd never wear again. It's completely up to you - it really is reasonable for you to make them buy the shoes, as that's what many brides do. Just know that you may have some angry bridesmaids if you do!
I wouldn't dictate the style of shoe any futher than a basic color. If they are good family/friends, chances are your bridesmaids are probably already going out of their way to make you happy in many other ways. Let them pick their own shoes. Unless you take a picture directly of their feet you won't even notice the shoes in pictures.
I'm uncomfortable towering over my husband. I'm 5'11" already and i avoid high heels like the plague when I'm with him. It's very awkward for me....
BUT, i think she can wear whatever shoe she wants and "stand out" like the MOH so i think it's ok.
We had short dresses and i had 6 BMs and they all had different shoes and I don't think anybody noticed a lick at all.
I don't think $60 is a ton for shoes, but i'd be irritated if they weren't shoes that were super comfy, that i'd wear again, and that i picked out. I would not wear pumps like that EVER (they don't stay on my nonexistant ankles actually) and it'd be a waste of money.
I don't think $60 is expensive for shoes, but as someone who's had a few foot surgeries and has pretty wide feet, there are a lot of shoes that really hurt my feet. I have to be pretty particular when picking out heels.
I have high arches as well as weak ankles, so heels equal rubber ankles of face plant death for me.So aside from it being uncomfortable, you might want to think about everyone watching your MOH stumble & possibly fall while walking down the aisle.
Personally (and I know I am going to be disagreed with here) I feel that if you are dead set on something for your wedding and the MOH/Bm/ or even GM cannot afford it/would never re-use it, then you should probably acquiesce and just pony up for it yourself (if it is that important to you).
I really do not feel like shoes are worth arguing over. My advice is to try and find a compromise that makes everyone happy.
I would consider paying for half the cost of the shoes and giving them the option of wearing whatever shoes they like after the ceremony, if that would be a pair of shoes they already own. I emailed a number of options to my bridal party- a friend and two sisters- and only my friend emailed back with a response, so I went with her choice. They were from payless and I got them buy one get one half off and just gave them to my sisters. They don't have to like them but they also only have to wear them for the ceremony- which will be super short- and photos.
eh - if the girls actually LIKED the matching shoes with a pattern, i think it's a good idea. But if no one likes the shoes, i can't see a reason to force them to spend 59 plus tax on something they're never going to wear again. I say buy them for her, if you really want her to wear them. What if she just goes along with you and says she'll wear the shoes, but then wears solid ones. Would you freak out and tell her she was out of the BM line? no.. so, shoes aren't a dealbreaker.
I think that if it is super important to you, you should buy her the shoes. Personally, I would never spend $60 on a shoe I would never wear again. Also, I am a tall lady and don't wear heels either because it makes me taller than my fiance and that makes him feel weird. It also makes me feel like a giant.
You must log in to post.
| Visit our sister sites | eHarmony Online Dating |
eHarmony Advice Dating Advice |
Project Wedding Wedding Songs |
JustMommies Pregnancy Calendar |
Create the honeymoon of your dreams.
| User | Posts Today |
|---|---|
| ellisrobertson | 22 |
| MsPanda | 14 |
| aduarte3201 | 14 |
| pengoala | 11 |
| ShellVee | 10 |
| londonchick | 9 |
| londonpeach84 | 8 |
 KimKimmieKim |
8 |
| ladyartichoke | 6 |
| MrsBlueSeptember | 6 |
| User | Posts Today |
|---|---|
| janetsnakehole | 1 |
| Toastymama |
1 |
| Cecil | 1 |
So there are some dresses from davids bridal that are $115 and the shoes i really want for them are $59. I told my bridesmaids that i want them to wear that dress and the shoes. I reallyyyyy like the shoes and they are one of a kind. They have like flowers are are very cute. The only thing is my sister does not want to wear high heals and on top of that she is complaining that 59 is too much for shoes she will never wear again. Idk what to do :/ i reallyyyy like these shoes and i want them to look the way i picture it.
She is complainig that it is too much money for bpth when i spent like 80 on her bridesmaid dress, 40 for jerlery and sash, some catholic girft that was part of her wedding,20 on some other gift, and i bought some silver shoes.
SO i was telling her that she shouldnt complain becaise o spent the same amount at her wedding. But she is just complainig because she let her bridesmaids pick whatever silver shoes they wanted.
So... am i being mean??i mean im the bride...but i understand it could be a lot of money. And on top of that my family will be traveling to my wedding location a few hundred miles. So idk :/ what should i do??I dont want silver shoes because my sister did that for her wedding. I want my wedding to be different.