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Your FMIL sounds exactly like my aunt did when my cousin was getting married....the whole rehearsal dinner situation turned into a "stress-ball" for my aunt. My cousin's bride-to-be (we are close friends) mentioned it to me & said the same thing..."should we just pay for it ourselves?". I told her No, it was just aunt's way of getting attention. The rehearsal dinner day arrived, and you know what, we all had the best time. My aunt had fun, loved the restaurant, had a glass of wine, and everything worked out perfectly.
My advice would be just to say yes, I understand your stress, nod & smile....and look forward to celebrating with your loved ones.
I don't think you're being ungrateful at all! Understandably, it's a stressful situation. Why don't you ask your FI to talk about it with his mom? He can say "You've mentioned many times that this wedding is costing you quite a bit. Do you need any help? We would never want this wedding to become a financial burden on you. We would be happy to take this burden off of your hands so that you don't have to stress about the money." Hopefully, this would be a gentler way of letting her know that you get the hints and you don't appreciate them! I probably wouldn't mention your aunt offering to host the dinner - it doesn't seem like she would take it well.
Good luck!!
take_out_boxes.jpg (9.4 KB, 26 downloads) 1 year old 
I agree with the post that suggests maybe she's looking for attention.
Have you expressed, over-dramatically, how appreciative you are? For instance, the next time she whines, say something like, "I am SO glad you're handling the rehearsal dinner. I know it's going to be terrific and it's a HUGE help to me. I know everyone is looking forward to how much fun we'll have!"
And if that doesn't work, if she pushes back more, let her know that if she truly can't handle it, you or your FI could ask if she'd prefer to step down. Personally I wouldn't bring finances into it, even if she did first, but that's up to you. After all, you're the one who knows her.
I'm sorry to hear you're having to deal with this. Hopefully you can keep things on good terms with your future mother in law.
30252_1450004178750_1492591076_2022805.jpg (67.1 KB, 29 downloads) 1 year old You must log in to post.
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My FI and I are paying for our wedding ourselves, but his mother has very generously offered to pay for the rehearsal dinner. Our wedding party is pretty large, so we are only inviting people in the wedding to the rehearsal dinner.
Every time she gets a chance, she keeps mentioning how stressed she is and how much money she has to come up with for the wedding (her flight, wedding day outfit, and hotel room). She picked the RD venue herself (~$25/person for 36 people) so I cant imagine what the issue is. My FI is her only child and though her guest list had about 50 people on it, this dinner will be her only contribution.
It's not really in the budget for us to pay for the rehearsal dinner ourselves, especially since she told us she would handle it. Yesterday, my aunt called and offered to host the dinner for us. I dont want to upset his mom and reject her 'gift', but I am so tired of hearing her mouth... I get the feeling that she just wants me to keep thanking her, especially since everytime we go somewhere together she keeps telling everyone who will listen that she is hosting the RD. I mean, stop telling people about the dinner that you dont plan to invite...isnt that bad manners? Am I being ungrateful? I would never mention it to her, but I really think she is giving herself way to much credit. She will have contributed less than $2000 to a wedding that she complains is not formal enough nearly every week.