(Closed) Am I being ungrateful?

posted 9 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
1428 posts
Bumble bee

Your FMIL sounds exactly like my aunt did when my cousin was getting married….the whole rehearsal dinner situation turned into a "stress-ball" for my aunt. My cousin’s bride-to-be (we are close friends) mentioned it to me & said the same thing…"should we just pay for it ourselves?". I told her No, it was just aunt’s way of getting attention. The rehearsal dinner day arrived, and you know what, we all had the best time. My aunt had fun, loved the restaurant, had a glass of wine, and everything worked out perfectly.
My advice would be just to say yes, I understand your stress, nod & smile….and look forward to celebrating with your loved ones.

Post # 4
Member
596 posts
Busy bee

I don’t think you’re being ungrateful at all!  Understandably, it’s a stressful situation.  Why don’t you ask your FI to talk about it with his mom?  He can say "You’ve mentioned many times that this wedding is costing you quite a bit.  Do you need any help?  We would never want this wedding to become a financial burden on you.  We would be happy to take this burden off of your hands so that you don’t have to stress about the money." Hopefully, this would be a gentler way of letting her know that you get the hints and you don’t appreciate them!  I probably wouldn’t mention your aunt offering to host the dinner – it doesn’t seem like she would take it well.

Good luck!!

 

Post # 5
Member
1205 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

I agree with the post that suggests maybe she’s looking for attention.

Have you expressed, over-dramatically, how appreciative you are? For instance, the next time she whines, say something like, "I am SO glad you’re handling the rehearsal dinner. I know it’s going to be terrific and it’s a HUGE help to me. I know everyone is looking forward to how much fun we’ll have!"

And if that doesn’t work, if she pushes back more, let her know that if she truly can’t handle it, you or your FI could ask if she’d prefer to step down. Personally I wouldn’t bring finances into it, even if she did first, but that’s up to you. After all, you’re the one who knows her.

I’m sorry to hear you’re having to deal with this. Hopefully you can keep things on good terms with your future mother in law. 

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