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Oof, this is tough. However difficult finances might be, when you asked you BM and FG to be a part of your big day, they could have declined. It's frustrating to hear how flexible you have been to their needs, and yet they seem to be forgetting that this is for you! Is there another friend or family member who can speak to the BM on your behalf? Since time is not something you have too much of, it's important you continue to move forward while not leaving your BM and GF behind. Ask someone you REALLY trust to get to the bottom of everything in a way that won't seem intrusive and agressive to the BM. Goodluck!
Opinion from a bridesmaid many times over, never a bride:
There were things I was not happy with that my brides have choosen for me to do as a bridesmaid, but never did I think of bailing out on any of them. You might want to re-evlauate that relationship.
Also I think communications is REALLY key to keeping the bridal party/parents all in harmony. My brother got married this past year to someone who we have grown to love over the many years, but boy did we see another side of her once my brother put a ring on it. I won't go as far as to call her a bridezilla, but as she said it herself "she was driving the bus" (but couldn't afford the gas to make it go:) Communication was very limited and really down to texts messages and a few emails. Very little appriecation was shown. And a big issue that was never really address properly, looking back on it, was that our family swings towards the traditional wedding equitte (showers, bachelorrette party, dinner rehearsals all *offered* to her) but she was all about micro-managing everyone. I really felt like it walked a fine line of insulting us, like she didn't trust the people most important to her, who she picked to be in the wedding, to give her beautiful pre-wedding parties. I guess that is the norm these days, with the 'I deserve everything right now and the way I want it' attitude our society has.
I know you feel like you have put forth the effort, but the fact that all three of them want to bail out makes me think it's more then just a fg dress. If you want to savalages this I would start out expressing to them how important they are and acknowledging how it's rough finacial times and you can understand the stress of the expense with three family members being in your wedding, but that your friendship is most important. Make them feel validated and remind them of why you have choosen them to be part of your special day and then try to start over with the task as hand.
@Springbreakbride: Omg..... please do not feel bad! This is completely uncalled for and so unfair to you!! You have been so much nicer and flexiable with them then most would ahve been. They truely do not want to be a apart of your wedding party and they are looking for an excuse to bail out but make it look like your fault not theirs so they can justify backing out. Sorry but that's seriously what's going on. You are NOT being a bridezilla at all! Evaluate this friendship and let it go because you aren't in the wrong here! I;m sorry your wedding is so close and you are going through this. Stand your ground your real friends and family that love you will be there and support you!
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I have 2 bridesmaids one of which has a child who will be one of 2 flower girls. I know money is tight on all parties. Therefore i agreed to let the bm pick out their dresses at a cheaper place. I also agrees that the flower girls could get their dresses at cheaper places. I only requested that the bms wear sashes and i want the fgs to wear matching dresses. Also i purchased the sashes for the bms to help with costs and i have waited til 2 months before the weddig because one bm said she couldnt afford a dress now. Then because i say i want the fgs to match the bm tells me i have 2 options, she can pick it out on her own and the other one can buy the same or option 2 i can go get it without bm or fg there. I said i wanted them both there and she said she and her child were out of the wedding since i wasnt working with her and said i was being a bridezilla. I then offered a third option of taking fg shopping myself and bm said it was not an option and thag i was taking up too much of her time for shopping appointments. (i only made one and that was for my dress and she chose to come. She wasnt forced) i havent askd any help of her expect for my dress. Her husband was best man and now hes out since she is. Am i being a bridezilla for not catering to her request?