Post # 1
I am getting married in September and have two friends and my older sister as bridesmaids. I am 40, so my bridesmaids are older than me and have families. When i first got engaged my Sister (who can be a bit highly strung and is high maintenance) kept pushing and asking if we’d set the date becuase she wanted to book a trip for her, her husband and her two children, overseas. I wanted to wait so that I had the flexibility in dates depending on what venue I decided on. She kept pushing, so we set the date.
It was always the plan that the bridesmaids and I stay together the night before the wedding, jumping straight into the bridal festivities the next morning. Now my Sister is saying that my neice has a school play on the Friday night and Saturday morning (my wedding is the Saturday afternoon). She is going to see the pay on the Friday night, so can’t stay with us (or will join us late), and her husband who is doing a reading for our wedding, has to take my niece (who is 11, by the way) to the play on Saturday and, I have been told, SHOULD make it in time for the wedding.
Bearing in mind, she even asked us to put the ceremony back to accommodate her 11yo daughter’s school play. I’m really angry about it. AM I being unreasonable?
Post # 3
Yes in a way you are. It’s your wedding but it’s her daughter, who isn’t mature enough to understand why mom can’t see her in her play. The only thing required of a bridesmaid is to stand up for the bride. It would be really unfair for them to tell your niece that she can’t do the play and your sister is missing the play on sat morning so I would be happy with that.
Post # 4
Well, what would you do in her position?
My parents didn’t come to a school play I was in… in 6th grade, and I still remember how much that sucked. Just food for thought.
Post # 5
- Wedding: March 2012 - Pelican Grand Beach Resort
I think you are being unreasonable. Step back and look at this with some perspective. Try to remember being 11 and how important school events and having your parents there was to you. I would be devestated if my parents didn’t come or if I couldn’t be in the play because of a wedding the next day and later that day. I would have someone in reserve for the reading in case your BIL can’t be there in time.
Post # 6
I tend to agree with PP. It’s not like your sister intentionally scheduled the play the day of and the day before. Plus, since she’s 11, I’m sure she’s very excited and wouldn’t understand why people (and her PARENTS, of all people) couldn’t make it to her play. I probably wouldn’t push back the ceremony intentionally, but it’s something you can keep in mind the day of. For example, if your ceremony is ready to start but then the niece/father is running about 15 minutes late, you can just have the officiant apologize to your guests for the slight delay. Just keep it upbeat. As a guest, I wouldn’t begrudge the fact that the ceremony is slightly delayed because of an 11 year old’s play.
Post # 7
Do you have kids? I would never miss my daughters stuff, not for anything, especially not a grown up slumber party. I’m not saying that your sister was not ridiculous for pressuring you to set a date for her own needs, but if you gave in and did it then you have no place to complain. I don’t understand why people have no backbone about these things.
Post # 8
You shouldn’t have to change your ceremony time but your neice shouldn’t have to miss her play. Your sister will be with you Saturday (and is skipping the play Saturday) so I don’t think you have any right to be angry with her. I can understand being a bit annoyed that you don’t know for sure that your BIL will be there, but he’s an adult and you should trust him if he says he’ll make it.
Post # 9
I can understand some dissapointment. But expecting the situation to change just becasue you’re dissapointed isn’t going to happen. Tell her you’d like her to join you on Friday night once the play is over. Then wish her daughter goodluck and you hope to heavens they are back in time for the ceremony.
That’s pretty much all you can do…
Post # 10
Yes. Sorry this is causing you trouble, but she has to put her children first. She’ll be at the wedding and if her husband is being so iffy, you might as well find another person to read so that you will have no snags in your wedding day timeline. No need to be rude about it, just politely ask him if he would rather you choose another reader to make the day less hectic for him.
Post # 11
@hellandback: I think its a catch 22, you can’t really please and accomodate everyone, but at the same timn I give you props for trying! some people would have just said too bad guess I have to find a replacement!
It’ll all be okay in the end!
Post # 12
Well this is the thing with older BMs – they have families and obligations. I wouldn’t change the time of the wedding though. I suggest a back-up reader just in case.
Post # 13
umm both of you are unreasonable. Your Sister said she come later in night and you should let her do this. A sleep over isn`t a good reason to miss the opening night to her daugthers play.
Post # 14
wow, when I read this post I was like of course not, you cant push your wedding back for her!! My parents never came to any of my plays/recitals!!!
….then I read a string of responses that were like ‘I would never miss my childrens plays/recitals’….
one of those moments where you feel unloved as a child XD