Post # 1
I am having a shower thrown by my MOH in my hometown with most of my family. I live 6 hours away from the city where my FI’s family and one of my other BM lives. This BM suggested throwing me second couples shower in their area with help from my FI’s mom. As far as I know, this BM and FMIL started discussing details and that was the last I heard of it.
My FMIL just recently let me know of the date for the shower. She is extremely busy and this is the only date that will work with her schedule. When I mentioned this date to my BM (I assumed she already knew of it), she said she wasn’t sure if she could come because “she might be going to her lake house.” It sounds like she doesn’t even know if she’s going to her lake house…like if it doesn’t work out at the lake house THEN she’ll attend my shower.
All I know is that if I was a BM and was planning a shower, THAT would be my priority…not going to a lake house that you can go to any weekend during the summer. Do you think I should put pressure on my FMIL to try to reschedule the shower (no invitations have gone out) so my BM can attend or just keep the date?
Do you think it’s rude that my BM is basically not attending the shower because she “might” have “better” plans?
Post # 3
It doesn’t sound like she’s really interested in hosting the shower. (I’ve been on the flip side of this issue having once been a MOH hosting the bride’s hometown shower, one that she could only come up with one day out of the whole summer to come home because she was busy at the “lake house”.) Those lake houses must be interesting places… as for me… I’d rather go to the beach! LOL
Post # 4
I know she doesn’t want to host it – my FMIL is now hosting it alone. But isn’t inconsiderate to only attend the shower if she doesn’t have better things going on?
Post # 5
Don’t let her get you bent out of shape about it. Maybe she doesn’t think of it as a priority, or realize how important it is to you that she be there. Just enjoy your party with those who will be there to celebrate with you!
Post # 6
I think its weird that she suggested having the shower, is now not hosting the shower, and to top it off is now not even sure she will attend..sounds like this is not a priority for her, so I think you should continue with the plans you have…if she comes then GREAT! If not, have a great time with the people that cared enough to be there…
Post # 7
I’m curious if she’s attending the first shower? Maybe she feels a little “showered out”. Or if she isn’t attending, perhaps she is contributing money to the first shower, and again, is a money issue.
I’m like you. I think i’d move mountains to try to be there for my friend. I put friends really high up on my list. I have a friend who does a lot of family group vacations. Whenver I try to get a meet up planned (all of our group is scattered about), she always has a family weekend thing. I keep thinking, can’t she skip this one event to meet up with us? We only get together like once every few years, now. But alas, some people just aren’t like us.
A couple of devil’s advocate thoughts. 1) Is it possible that BM isn’t getting along with FMIL, and that’s why she seems uninterested now, whereas before was interested? Perhaps she felt like FMIL just took over? 2)Perhaps BM had this one weekend to get everyone to the lake house, and outside of that was pretty much open. While FMIL had nothing open but the one weekend. (I know I’d be miffed if I had just one date that didn’t work and the other host had only one date that did work, and I was the one who had to move things around.) 3) Do you know the details of the lake house? Are there other people going who your BM has’t seen in a while? If this is a “one of many” type of event, I can see being upset. But if this is a pretty rare family event, then I think it’s possible that the event legitimately trumps your shower.