Am i being unreasonable?

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
42510 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@M1cha3la:  Yes, suck it up for the sake of your Nan.

Post # 4
Member
394 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

Will the cousin be polite & quiet?  If so, I say let her come.  Otherwise, I would have a serious discussion with your Nan.  If you are that close, she should understand that this is something you wanted to do with just your immediate family.  You could always plan another time to get together with you, your Nan, and your cousin, if it is important to her.  

Sorry you are going through this.  Weddings are tough- not wanting to hurt anyone’s feelings & still getting what you want.  Good luck!

Post # 5
Member
2042 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Id just do it.  Just got with it.   Dont pay any mind to your cousin being there. 

Post # 6
Member
6273 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2013

do you not want your cousin to see your dress?  is your cousin invited to your wedding?

explain to your Nan why you don’t want your cousin to come and why you want nan there.  maybe you can come to a compromise.

keeping your feelings to yourself won’t accomplish anything.  you need to let people know how you feel.

Post # 7
Member
4760 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

am I being unreasonable by not wanting her there?

yes and no (You say you don’t like her but you haven’t seen her in 10 years since she was 5?  She’s your cousin, maybe you should get to know her.)

Am I being over sensitive and romanticizing the idea of a dress fitting.

Very much so

it’s only a dress fitting, should I just suck it up for the sake of my Nan..

Yes

Post # 8
Member
2913 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Wynn Las Vegas

Yes, you are being unreasonable. Just don’t pay much attention to her.

Post # 10
Member
9412 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

@M1cha3la:  I don’t think you are being unreasonable. Your mom and sister live in a different country and this is a special moment for you to share with those closest to you. Your grandma shouldn’t just be telling you how it will be – she should be asking you. It’s your event. It isn’t fair for her to make you choose between her being there with your cousin, or not there at all. Shows some immaturity in my opinion because your plans were already made and shouldn’t be changed without at least consulting you.

I would explain to your grandma how important it is to you, and if she still doesn’t get it, then just go with your mom and sister. There will be a second dress fitting to bring your grandma to.

Post # 12
Member
4413 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@MrsPanda99:  I agree with you on this one.

I don’t think it’s so crazy to want this experience to be just people you’re close with! After all, this isn’t just a dress fitting for you. Since your mom and sister weren’t able to come with you on the actual dress search, this experience is kind of replacing that one! Maybe a dress fitting isn’t usually romantic, but the dress search sure as hell is. You don’t know this cousin. You don’t know how she will act. What if she sees your dress and hates it and rolls her eyes, because she’s only 15 and hasn’t quite learned tact yet? Maybe she won’t do that, but how can you possibly know when you haven’t seen her in ten years? I think perhaps another chat with your Nan is in order, to really let her know that you want only the VIPs along on this trip. It’s great to get family together and get to know each other, but this is not the time to do it.

Post # 13
Member
2555 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@M1cha3la:  I would go without Nan. I understand this is a bummer, but at least you already got your dress shopping experience with her. Just go with your mom and your sister.

EDIT- an NO you are NOT being unreasonable! Your Nan invited your cousin to your fitting and told you after the fact. Small tohugh that offence might have been, that was what was unreasonable. The fact that she decided to abandon your fitting if the cousin might go was also a bit unreasonable. Being upset about this happening is fine and normal.

Post # 14
Member
9412 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

@iarebridezilla:  And reading your reply just gave me an idea. There would be nothing wrong with suggesting an alternate outing (perhaps a lunch or dinner) where the cousin can be included. I would make it clear that you aren’t saying you want nothing to do with your cousin and don’t want to get to know her, just that you don’t want it to happen on this particular outing (and you’re entitled – you’re trying to make it special for your mom and sister too).

Post # 16
Member
4395 posts
Honey bee

I don’t think you’re being unreasonable. I think your Nan was wrong to invite others without telling you, so can you speak to her and tell her that you were really just looking forward to having your mom, your sister and her there? And then suggest you see your cousin another day?

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