Am I being unreasonable?

posted 3 years ago in Grooms/men
  • poll: Am I being unreasonable?
    Yes, the ushers don't need jackets. (please explain if you pick this) : (33 votes)
    45 %
    No, if the groomsmen are in jackets, the ushers should be too. : (40 votes)
    55 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    895 posts
    Busy bee

    We put our ushers in the same tuxes as the groomsmen. I want them to look nice, we are including them in the bridal party just as much as the groomsmen they just have a different role.

    Post # 5
    Member
    6644 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: June 2011

    Ushers are really not part of the wedding party they are “ushering” guests. I chose no we didn’t have our ushers rent the same suits ad dh and his groomsmen.  No one is going to care if they are wearing the same or not. I think it is an added expense for someone who is just showing people where to sit.  Our ushers just wore their own suits. 

    Post # 7
    Hostess
    3787 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: June 2011

    No one is going to notice, but I probably wouldn’t make them wear the jackets just so there was a way to easily distinguish between ushers and groomsmen. 

    In the end though – this should really be your FI’s call. Not your mom’s, MIL, or even really yours. (I’m not saying that to be rude, please don’t read it that way.)

    It’s such a small detail that literally no one will notice at all.

    Post # 9
    Member
    3442 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: July 2013

    I think it will look odd if the ushers look the exact same as the groomsmen.

    I don’t think you are being unreasonable, per se, but I just think it’s more work for them, & will not look right.

    Post # 10
    Member
    10988 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: May 2009

    We didn’t have ushers, just groomsmen, who escorted the mothers. I think whoever is escorting anyone as part of the formal procession should be wearing a jacket. However, if you haven’t already specifically assigned the ushering duties to others yet, perhaps you could have a couple of the groomsmen do this before they join your DH at the front, before your bridesmaids walk down the aisle (or before the groomsmen escort the bridesmaids, if you’re having them do that.) If you have already asked specific individuals to serve as ushers, I would give them (as a group, not individually) the choice of purchasing black suits or renting black tuxes. For my DSD’s wedding, the guys all preferred to rent tuxes over having to buy an inexpensive suit.

    Post # 11
    Member
    11772 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: May 2013

    I think unless most or all of the men at your wedding will be wearing jackets (the guests), then it’s not really necessary for the ushers to wear them.

    So if you’re having a garden ceremony with a back yard or less formal wedding, I would just go shirts. But if you’re having a church wedding followed by a semi-formal or formal evening ceremony. Then every man in attendance should be wearing a jacket!

    Post # 12
    Member
    4819 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    Torn here. If you want them to wear a certain outfit, and have not clearly laid out this expense up front upon asking them to be ushers- I think you have to pay for it. If on the other hand you had said I’ve love for you to be in the wedding doing _____ however, there will be a some cost associated aush as the cost of renting/ purchasing a jacket…. if you don’t already have one, then I think that’s fine. 

    Realistically however, I think you can ASK them to wear one… and if any of them complain, I think you step in and make it happen yourself (IE you pay.)

     

    Post # 15
    Hostess
    3787 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: June 2011

    @MoodyFoodie:  If FI wants them to wear them – they wear them.  If it’s not really putting undue financial strain on them, then oh well. Honestly though, I’m not sure I’ve ever met someone that doesn’t own at least one complete black suit – but that might be a region, class, etc variation. 

    I noticed that you compared the cost to your FSIL’s cost for the groomsmen. While it’s totally understandable, I would say to try to avoid doing that. Even for me – my financial situation changes over time. I don’t necessarily advertise “this is a great year” or “this is year is freakin’ hard,” but it does change.

    For example, a few years ago I could afford to drop 1k on a plane ticket to fly to Vegas (from Afghanistan) for my BFF’s wedding. Now another friend of mine is getting married (in Detroit). She has this attitude that “Hey I’m not expecting people to fly to my wedding, it’s going to cost less than Y’s wedding.” Well maybe, by a little bit. But all these extras (hotel room for bachelorette party, got a guilt trip for refusing to get a hotel room for the wedding. I’m not in the bridal party and live 10 minutes away. I don’t want to drink, I’m going home!) being added on are literally bleeding me dry. 

     

    Post # 16
    Member
    4819 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    Then no, I don’t think you’re being unreasonable. 

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