Post # 1
We hardly ever argue but my husband and I are in the middle of a disagreement because he wants to spend the Christmas holidays with his parents. I get his reasons for wanting to see his family this Christmas, I really do. We have never spent Christmas with his family because they live 8 hours away and DH works in health care so he always has to work over the holidays. This year he somehow managed to get time off. The thing is, I’m going to be almost 37 weeks pregnant at Christmas. His parents live waaay up North and they get ridiculous amounts of snow. There’s a small hospital close to where they live but it’s not well equipped and they don’t always have an anaesthesiologist on hand. That means if I were to give birth at that hospital I wouldn’t necessarily be able to get an epidural (and if there were any complciations I’d have to be air lifted to the nearest major hospital which is 2 hours away).
I also don’t want to give birth when I’m so far away from home because I won’t have any of the baby’s stuff with me…nor do I want to sit in a car for 8 hours after giving birth to travel back home. DH said if I were to give birth there we wouldn’t have to travel home right away. He said I could just recover at his parents for a few days. I would feel REALLY uncomfortable with that, especially when I’m trying to get used to breast-feeding, etc.
Anyways, DH says if I’m *really* that uncomfortable with it, we don’t have to go but he thinks I’m being unreasonable. I feel really guilty now because I know how much he wanted to spend Christmas with his family . Please tell me I’m not being unreasonable?!
(I should also mention that there’s no way DH’s parents will come to visit us over the holidays because they’ll be having my BIL and SIL and their kids over for Christmas)
Post # 3
@As_You_Wish: Honestly, I don’t think you are being unreasonable. Being that far along in pregnancy and traveling is very scary for the woman. Men don’t get it! Maybe do an earlier/later Christmas celebration. He needs to understand (which he won’t) that this is your first child and you have a learning experience that you would rather do in your own home and close to your doctors.
Post # 4
i wouldnt want to go that far 37 weeks into my pregnancy. in fact i’ve already told my husband that from 35 weeks onwards ill be sticking close to home
for me, travelling 8 hours would be too much (pregnancy isnt that comfortable!) and only having access to a basic hospitla would be a deal breaker
i would tell him to try to apply for holiday the next year and they can see you guys for the baby’s first christmas. id show him this thread…i cant think of anyone who will agree with him
Post # 5
I don’t think you’re being unreasonable at all.
Post # 6
Your husband is being unreasonable. I think he should go visit them, and you stay with your family this year.
Post # 7
@As_You_Wish: I think you are completely justified in feeling the way you do. I too would not be ok with traveling that late in pregnancy. I had my son at 36 weeks 5 days so that would not have worked for me lol. I wouldn’t feel guilty and I think it’s crappy that he’s calling you unreasonable. I also think it’s ridiculous of him to suggest that you bring new baby home to his parents house when you first leave the hospital. Not to mention that you wn’t have your own medical team during the birth. I would dig my heels in on this one. Good luck!
Post # 8
His parents need to travel to your home. Get your obgyn’s opinion on this
Post # 9
@As_You_Wish: I’m quite sure your doctor wouldn’t recommend travelling that far from home. Use your doctor as your reason.
Besides, I am sure your in-laws would rather have you come next year and bring the baby.
Post # 10
He is being unreasonable if he can’t understand why a 37 week pregnant woman (pregnant with his baby!) wouldn’t want to travel 8 hours by car to small northern town in the middle of winter…
Post # 11
@As_You_Wish: Completely justified. Its not safe for you to be traveling that distance, nor is it a good situation if you went into labour early.
Post # 12
No, you are not being unreasonable. I think it is unreasonable of him to ask you to travel so far when you are 37 weeks pregnant. If it is important to spend the holidays with his family, they should come to you. And I also disagree with some other posters who said he should go without you. What if you go into labor and he is 8 hours away?? I wouldn’t be okay with that either.
Post # 14
I personally think that a 37 week pregnant can be as unreasonable as she wants! And you aren’t being that way anyway. Can you compromise and maybe see them at Thanksgiving instead?
Post # 15
Aside from the possibility of actually going into labor and having the baby out of town- you’re talking about 8 hours sitting in a car. There is NO WAY IN HELL I could have done that at 37 weeks. I can’t imagine the back and sciatic pain I’d have :/
Is there any way they could come to you?
Post # 16
I think you’re being totally reasonable. I wouldn’t want to risk going into labor without my own doctor – and a hospital I was comfortable with – close by. I don’t think it’s at all unreasonable to want to avoid the risk that you’d have to give birth in a small, ill-equipped hospital. God forbid something goes wrong, you know?
It would be a different story if you were going to be like, 30 weeks pregnant, but 37 weeks is getting into “any minute now” territory. I know your husband would be disappointed, but I just don’t think it’s worth the risk.