Post # 1
I have been invited to a wedding. (…yay)
The wedding is my boyfriend’s sisters. Me and my boyfriend have been together almost three years, and live together. I’ve been on holidays with his family, had Christmas with them and spent an awful lot of time with them.
So when the invitations came for his sister’s wedding I was a little surprised we had an envelope each, as opposed to a joint invitation. Turns out his mother and sister (as they did the invitations together) have only invited me to the evening reception, and him to the whole day (he also has a role in the wedding)
Now honestly, I don’t mind only going to the reception, but I thought it was a little odd (and frankly a little rude) that considering how long I have been with her brother that we wern’t invited as a couple, because had this of been the other way around, all hell would have broken loose.
She’s also getting married in the middle of nowhere, and I cannot drive, and I don’t really fancy being sat on my own in a hotel room all day. So I’ve decided not to go, so she can give the slot to a friend instead.
My boyfriend got really upset about this, and insisted I was being unfair. I tried to explain that I actually felt quite rejected by his family, that I wasn’t considered a part of them considering the length of time we’d been dating. I also explained about the travel issue, and although he agree’s I have a point he’s still upset over it.
Now I feel like I’m being unreasonable about it ever since his little fit. But I really dont want to sit by myself all day in a hotel while he’s at a wedding, surely it’s better to just not go and let her invite a friend to the reception instead? am I in the wrong?
EDIT: Also, I kinda feel like his mum and sister are giving me the proverbial middle finger, as if theyre making it clear they dont like me 🙁
ALSO to clarify, I have only been invited to the evening reception, basically just the disco at the end. No cake cutting, no dinner, and proberbly no first dance either.
Post # 3
- Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA
I’d have your bf talk to her and tell her you two are a social unit. I am pretty even keeled and NOT into drama, but I’d be pissed!
Post # 4
There have been a lot of these threads coming up lately, and I feel very strongly about how extending invites to guests’ SOs should be.
No, you’re not being unreasonable. Your boyfriend’s family is being extremely rude.
Having a seperate guest list for the ceremony and the reception? …Dafuq? I haven’t even heard of this nonsense before.
Anyway, your first step would be for your boyfriend to explain to his family that perhaps they are underestimating how serious his relationship with you is, and that he would like to have you attend the whole affair, as you guys are cohabitating and should be considered a social unit.
Post # 5
@CherryAndWhite: Considering that you two have been together 3 years and live together, you are NOT being unreasonable. My FI and I have been together for only just over a year, but even when we were first dating, we were both invited to our respective family functions since we almost the very beginning.
Post # 6
@CherryAndWhite: OMG there is another post JUST like this from @maidmarian!
To me…..you are NOT being unreasonable.
My live in BF and I of 3+ years got an invite for his brother’s wedding/reception together and it was addressed to both of us (Mr and Mrs. Veryberry13). They actually just included his last name on everything as if we were already married….and considering that we are moving in that direction I was happy that they did it this way.
I’m sorry that this has worked out this way. I suppose it’s up to you if you want to attend or not…but I am shocked at this trend that is happening. In maidmarian’s post…her BF was just a friend of the person getting married if I remember correctly. You’re almost family! Have you talked to your BF about this? Has he made it clear how serious he is about you to his family?
I’m sorry again..and good luck!
Post # 7
@CorvusCorax: It is comon practice in some geographical areas to invite some guests only to the evening reception, not the ceremony or the dinner. The UK for instance. You cannot judge the whole world by common practice in only the area in which you reside.
Having said that, I also think they were rude in not inviting the OP to the whole day as she is part of a social unit . Not only that, but in in a live- in relationship with the brother of the bride. It reads like a deliberate snub to me.
Post # 8
@julies1949: The wonders never cease!
Given that this is common practice in the UK, it may have been an accidental snubbing. Perhaps the venue that is hosting the ceremony is really small, or the boyfriend’s sister wants only immediate family present or something. If that is the case, they’re being unintentionally rude.
The ball is in the OP’s boyfriend’s court at the moment. If, after he talks to his family, they stick to their guns about excluding her then I’ll have more to say on the matter.
Post # 9
Thankyou all so much for your replies. I really do think Im not going to go.To clarify I live in the UK and it is common practice to have reception guests.
I’m not going to push for him to talk to them about it, (they’ll just bully and bulls*it him anyway, besides they never do anything wrong in his eyes) I’m trying to be as graceful as possible and after the way she’s behaved over the whole day (forcing family members to pay for things they can’t afford and the like, lets not get into that one…) I really don’t think its worth it. I do think it was an intentional snub.
People have been posting pictures of her wedding invitation on her facebook with their replies on it with captions like, “I’m so surprised to get a wedding invitation from *insert names here*, haven’t seen them in forever”. I felt like that sent a pretty big message from both his mum and his sister to me, considering one day I could be their DIL or SIL.
Hope that all made sence, thanks again ladies!
Post # 10
@CherryAndWhite: I think they don’t want you there because if you come you’ll probably be in family photos, and if you and your SO break up it will ruin the pictures. This is obviously a horrible reason not to invite you but I can’t think why else they wouldn’t want you there. Maybe this is their way of saying ‘woah there, you’re not family yet’. I don’t want to encourage you to think the worst but this whole situation is weird and rude.
ETA: I’m aware that tiered receptions are a thing practiced in the UK. I was adressing you only being invited to the dancing part of the reception.
Post # 11
@CherryAndWhite: Yeh id be seriously p!ssed too! As UK bee i understand the whole day/evening guests thing. The day is generally family/close friends, then in the evening additional guests such as coworkers/other friends and aquaintances join.
And you have been out on the ‘second’ list despite living and being with your man for 3 years?!That is beyond rude!
With all the other stuff (like ppl she hasnt seen in forever going and forcing family to pay for things) i wouldnt go at all either!! Id probably also be tempted to only invite them to my evening reception when my turn came too!
Post # 12
@Ruby-Redshoes: Actually I did mention this to my boyfriend a few months ago, that I was more than happy to go and sit by the bar while they all take pictures if she didn’t want me in them (I never expected to anyway) I kinda forgot about it until you just mentioned it. Surely she could have just said though, it would have been far more polite to drag me to one side and say ‘Hey I know you guys are serious, but I just want my family in the pictures’
@stronger-now1: Oh god how I would LOVE to return the favour, but I know his mother would kick up holy hell if I only invited her to the evening. People…specifically family’s, are so wierd.
Post # 13
- Wedding: July 2014 - Prague
They are being rude, and I find it hard to believe they didn’t discuss your invitation at length!
I hate to say it, but I would be furious at my FI if he didn’t pitch a fit and get me a proper invite. Absolutely, don’t be in the family photos– if that’s what they’re worried about! But ugh, they are being very rude. Don’t let your SO make you feel bad!
Now, about going or not… since (if?) you plan on becoming part of this family eventually…I’d give this a lot of thought. Is there a way to take the high road (preferably also make them look like the mean, petty twats they are acting like…evil grin)?
Post # 14
I think it’s reasonable to be a little hurt or put off by it, but you also have to accept that some people must make very difficult decisions when making up a guest list, and that married/engaged couples are a very common line drawn. If you’re married or engaged, you get to bring your SO, and if you’re not, you don’t. It is your choice as to if you want to go or not, but keep any commentary to yourself, as you’re not going to want their input as you draw up your own guest list.
Post # 15
That’s so incredibly rude. Even if it is the norm to invite people only to the reception, you don’t split up couples. I wouldn’t go.
Post # 16
@CherryAndWhite: 2 statements, put together, concern me for you:
“...besides they never do anything wrong in his eyes” and …”“I’m so surprised to get a wedding invitation from *insert names here*, haven’t seen them in forever”
If they are inviting people they haven’t seen in forever, they AREN’T making difficult cuts in the guest list to keep the guest list small. This is a definite snub and you have a BF who is totally cool with this and will never stand up for you to them because they never do anything wrong in his eyes.
You really need to ponder that….a lot.