Post # 1
So, I’m kind of pissed off/unhappy about this situation w my DH.
He is supposed to go out of town for a week in Texas for work in the middle of January– I am annoyed because I will be 7.5 months pregnant at the time.
Its our first baby/pregnancy so I’m already a little worried about what to expect, plus we live in Minnesota and January here is BRUTAL, we live out in the country, about 20 minutes from town/hospital in Good weather, so in the terrible snowy winter it would take at least 40 minutes if something went wrong (and we just have a Prius, not the best in snow). I don’t even know if he has the option Not to go, and I’m sure if I really put my foot down he wouldn’t go, I just don’t want to feel guilty/like a jerk, when I don’t think its that unreasonable. I don’t know..any advice?
Post # 3
@fiver: I don’t know, I wouldn’t like that at all either. Have you talked to him about it? Is there anyone else that could go instead of him?
Post # 4
@fiver: You’re pregnant, I get that, but work is work…and if he has to go, he has to go. Instead of looking at this scenario in black and white, why not set it up for everyone up to succeed?
Odds are good that NOTHING, is going to go wrong during that week and you and your baby will be fine. If an emergency should arise, he can be on a flight home without any problems.
If the car is an issue, see if there’s someone, friend or family that would lend an SUV to you while he’s away, or if not, even renting one for the week wouldn’t be too bad if it really made you feel better about it.
If being alone is an issue, see if a friend or family member would be willing to come adventure sleep at your house and keep you company while he’s gone.
If this was a guy’s weekend at the hunting lodge or something equally extra-curricular, I could see you protesting his absence, but when it comes to work and obligations of a professional nature, you cannot expect him to choose between the family he’s creating, and the career that supports it.
Post # 5
Thanks. I understand it as it is his career (he’s a pharmacist, manager of his pharmacy), I think I’m just annoyed at the timing and I feel like he didn’t take my feelings into consideration. Blargh, I’ll talk to him tonight.
Post # 6
@fiver: I get where you’re coming from. ANd I don’t feel like you’re saying don’t go, just want acknowlegement that you’ll be going through something too while he’s gone.
Where in Minnesota are you? My sister (also a pharmacist) has 4WD and lives in Minneapolis if you need a lift anywhere while he’s gone. 🙂
Post # 7
At 7.5 months I would think you would be fine at home by yourself, as chances of going into labor at that point are pretty small. Do you have family or friends nearby that would be able to take you to the hospital in the small chance you would need to go? Now, if something comes up between now and then – you get put on bedrest, develop signs of pre-e, hypertension, those types of things – I would definitely ask him to stay home.
Then again, I was pretty emotionally needy at the end of my pregnancy and would have missed DH miserably. So, if he has the option of not going and it wouldn’t look bad/have any work implications then I think asking him to stay isn’t a big deal. If it would impact his work, though, then I wouldn’t ask him to stay.
Post # 8
@fiver: I’m just shy of 7.5 months pregnant (29 weeks), and I feel totally comfortable with DH going on work trips (he was just on one this past week!)
I’d let him go. Is there anyone you want to visit/have someone visit you?
When DH goes away on business, I like to make plans to travel, too! My last chance to see people before the baby!
Post # 9
I think you’re being unreasonable. It’s not like your husband wants to go running off for some crazy boys’ trip to Vegas. It’s a work trip, it’s just a week, and you’ve got plenty of time to plan for whatever you need to make that week easier on you. And even if it’s the kind of work trip he could easily get out of, sometimes the work trips end up being very important in terms of networking and team building so if it’s some dull conference or what-not, it really might not be best to pressure him to skip it.
You can order groceries to be delivered if there’s a service in your town that does that; pre-make and freeze your meals if you don’t feel like cooking a big to-do for just one; arrange some social activities if you’re afraid you might get lonely; you can even speak with your doctor about suggested arrangements should you go into early labor AND there’s a blizzard. Heck, you can even rent a massive SUV from your local Avis (really cheap if you book in advance) just in case it snows a ton.
Women were having babies outside in the snow for thousands of years before our current society began forming; you’re going to be just fine all toasty in your home for a week!
Post # 10
awww thanks, that’s sweet, unfortunately I live too far south (Rochester area). I don’t have any family nearby either.
@FloridaGatorBride: I think you def hit it on the head– just emotionally needy. Prior to being pregnant I was cool as a cucumer (very laid back, not super emotional- I’d never cried during a movie or anything) and now I’m feeling a flood of emotions and its very fruturating to start randomly crying over trivial or stupid things without being able to control it.
Post # 11
@fiver: I live in MN and if I try to put myself in your situation, I don’t think I’d be pissed/annoyed with DH about going to Texas for work while I was 7.5 months pregnant… That being said, I do have some family nearby and lots of good friends that live close, so I wouldn’t have a problem with it. So yeah, I kind of do think you’re overreacting.
However, if I didn’t have anybody that I was “close with” nearby, maybe I’d be singing a different tune – and take it with a grain of salt because I’m not pregnant, and don’t know what it’s like… So I guess I’m not much help! Sorry you’re feeling bummed..
Post # 12
I get the frustration but maybe don’t get too upset at him about it so long as he is sensitive about the fact that you are nervous. Sometimes work is just work and it may be more trouble for him to refuse to go for the week than it is worth. My husband is in his last year of med school, so I deal with him being gone for a month at a time working in different hospitals sometimes. Next month is our second trimester and he is working across the state for the entire month so it will be tricky and I wish it wasn’t the case, but you just have to tell yourself you are strong enough to hang in there.
Post # 13
thanks for the perspective .
Its just been a lot of changes for us in the last year. I graduated college last spring, we moved, bought our first house, got pregnant, started a new job, all in the last 6 months- and the closest friends/family I have are 3 hrs away, we’re generally homebodies and living out in the country, so I haven’t made a lot of new friends yet.
Post # 14
I’m 21 weeks but right now, no I wouldn’t be bothered if he had to go out of town for work. I’m having a completely normal, uncomplicated pregnancy so far and feel good so I don’t think I’d mind for a week. I think chances are pretty small of you going into labor 6 weeks early.
Do you know anyone nearby at all? I’d think surely there is someone (friend, his friend, work friend, etc) who maybe you could talk to and let them know the husband will be gone that week and ask if it’d be okay to call them if you need help?
Post # 15
@fiver: for work? At 7 1/2 mo? I say let it go. He’s not going to Vegas for a bachelor party or anything.
Post # 16
@fiver: I know it’s hard because you’re emotional and a first time mommy, but saying he didn’t take your feelings into consideration is being a bit harsh. He didn’t consider them because its a very high chance you won’t give birth or have an issue and becuase it is for work. If it was a boys weekend I’d be like “Ehh….not so sure” but work? Not much you can do. He needs to make money, and he can’t just tell them no…