Am I being unreasonable?

posted 3 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll:
  • Post # 2
    Member
    1737 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: December 2014 - 13th ~ TN

     

    LudaRae:  If he is such a womanizer I would not worry about it too much, chances are they will not still be together in 4 months.

    Post # 3
    Member
    1236 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2014 - San Francisco, CA

    Are you? Yes. Partners and SOs are allowed, even if you haven’t met them, and especially if they’re paying their own expenses to fly all that way. If she’s coming with her boyfriend then she’ll have someone already to talk to, you won’t have to entertain her the whole time with your small talk. It sounds like you’re mostly upset about subsidizing his (perceived) poor romantic choices via the wedding meal and are judging his wooing style more than being bummed about the actual presence of a stranger.

     

    Plus, your FI already invited him/them, and you can’t just un-invite someone.

    Post # 4
    Member
    913 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: November 2014 - 11/15/14-Vineyard

    Ok, so honestly although I can see where you are coming from, yes I think you are being unreasonable since it is a destination wedding and you expect people to travel. I for one would never travel alone. 

    If he is a womanizer like you said, then he might not even still be with her come September. I think your FI did the right thing since everyone else you extended a plus one to. 

    So you have 4 months until then, so you have plenty of time to get to know her. Go out for drinks, invite them over for dinner, plan excursions. That way it will be way less awkward and you get to know her and why she likes, is into and might be able to introduce her to others with same interests on the wedding day. 

    Post # 5
    Member
    7262 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: February 2013

    I think what makes it different in this situation is that it’s a destination wedding to Spain. I wouldn’t want to go to Spain without my SO. Does that mean she has to come to the wedding portion? Eh..not necessarily, but I wouldn’t choose this as the hill to die on.

    Post # 6
    Member
    529 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2014

    Hmm, my answer is two parts. Firstly, you’re being really insulting by dismissing her as “one of his many lady friends” when she is actually his girlfriend. I get that you don’t want her there, but you don’t need to be dismissive of their relationship.

    The second part of my answer is that your FI is in the wrong as guest list additions should be discussed with both parties. After discussing with your FI why she can’t come, and both of you getting on the same page, have him tell his friend that he made a mistake, and unfortunately the guest list is already firm so she can’t come. 

    It is not unreasonable at all to not want an uninvited stranger at your intimate wedding.

     

    ETA: Not sure how I missed it, but I didn’t see that you were having a DW. That 100% changes my answer-everyone should get a plus one to a DW. Even if they werent dating and she was really just a lady friend. 

    Post # 7
    Member
    6507 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: June 2013

    Yes, I think you are being unreasonable because it’s a destination wedding. I would definitely want to bring my SO along to Spain!

    Post # 8
    Member
    42522 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    LudaRae:  It is a bit unreasonable to expect people to come to a destination wedding in Spain on their own. Most people travel with someone. Your wedding is no different in that aspect.

    Post # 9
    Member
    1793 posts
    Buzzing bee

    I think it is quite unreasonable to expect someone to make a trip like that alone.  You are overreacting.

    Post # 11
    Member
    405 posts
    Helper bee

    He has a GF so she should be invited by name, as should everyone’s significant other.  To not invite her would be incredibly rude of you and your FI.

    Post # 13
    Member
    405 posts
    Helper bee

    Well you sent the invitations way too early.  I would just add on his GF.

    Post # 13
    Member
    405 posts
    Helper bee

    Sorry, I keep DPing for some reason.

    • This reply was modified 2 years, 6 months ago by  doeydo. Reason: Double post
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