Post # 1
So without going into a lot of detail, my sister and I do not get along very well. We are cordial to one another, but we have had our issues. She is a compulsive liar and is very manipulative. I love her, because she’s my sister, but we are not sisters that are good friends, unfortunately.
To create a bit of a background story, 6 or 7 years ago when my sister got married she said to me one day when we were doing something wedding related, “isn’t it funny that you’re five years older than me and I’m getting married before you?” What a weird thing to say and totally offensive. I made a snide comment back along the lines of “isn’t it funny that you’ll be divorced before I’m even married?” Low blow, I know, but I think she deserved it.
Fast forward to a couple years ago, and my sister cheated on her husband (with a married man!) and left her now ex-husband. My family was devastated and she couldn’t understand why we weren’t happy for her. We were worried about her son and honestly were really upset about what she did and “losing” our brother/son-in law. Her relationship with the married man didn’t last long, and she’s dated a few men since, none of which has really lasted. She cannot be alone and pressures for marriage right away – with all of them. She started dating a new man maybe 6 months ago and they moved in together this past January so 2 months ago. My fiance and I joked that they’d be married before we are married, which is six months from now. Little did we know.
Well…..I got an email from her two days ago that she is engaged and they are planning a wedding for June or July. We are getting married in September. I have waited 37 1/2 years to get married and she decides she now has to get married two or three months before me? At first I just laughed because we had joked about it and nothing shocks me anymore. As it’s sunk in though, it’s really bothering me. What a crappy thing to do. It’s really hurting my feelings that she has to “steal” the attention and the spotlight. And in reality, I don’t need the hoopla and her getting married is not going to take anything away from my day, but my god it is just bothering me and I can’t seem to let it go. Am I being unreasonable?
Post # 3
I can see why you’re upset, but try not to be! I’m sure your wedding will be ten times better than what hers is…and anyway, do you really see her marriage lasting given her history?
Post # 4
yep, you’re being unreasonable.
feel free to vent, and i can understand the frustration, but you have to get over it. as long as she’s not getting married on your wedding day, she’s not in the wrong.
Post # 5
I think you should try to get past it. Just remember that everyone knows what she is like and sees her for who she is and what she is doing. The best revenge is to let it go and know all the while that everyone is thinking that she is being a train wreck. Your beautiful wedding that you have waited for and planned so carefully will outclass hers because of your character and the quality of your relationship.
Post # 6
Oh jeez, she sounds lovely.
I definitely get why you’re upset but unfortunately the best thing to do is to just keep a smile on your face and pretend it doesn’t bug you. Everyone who has known her during this big mess of hers will recognize what she’s doing and I don’t think she can take attention away from you. Just be glad she isn’t so cruel as to pick the week before or something! By the time your wedding comes everyone will be very excited for you and she won’t be the center of attention anymore.
I am sorry that you have to deal with that though!
Post # 7
@chrispygal: Oh man, I totally understand where you’re coming from with this. I’ve seen women in your situation and they too were nearly unhinged over it. It’s completely normal to be upset and hurt and maybe even want to wish her bad will because of her decision to marry so quickly…
But keep this in mind, sweetie. Your wedding and marriage is something that you cherish. You respect what you’re undertaking. She probably doesn’t (judging by her cheating on her husband with a man that had a wife). Your family is SO excited for you! They are all eagerly waiting for your special day! Hers, well, maybe not so muchy.
She may be rushing the date because she remembers your conversation from her first wedding and feels uncomfortable about it. So she’s trying to compensate. Or make up for it in some way. Who knows why people do what they do…
Let her have her wedding. Be happy for her. She thinks she’s making the right choice and she may be. And then, when your very special day comes, you can be SO happy for yourself. You won’t have to give a single thought to what she’s thinking because your obligation toward her day is already fulfilled. And on your day, you’ll feel much lighter because of that. 🙂
Post # 8
If the two of you were close and her choices actually meant something to you, then I could see you legitimately being upset.
This reaction sounds more like it’s going way back to hurt feelings from this sister one-upping you and her terribly insensitive remark about getting married before you(the first time).
It is a mean spirited thing for her to do, but you really don’t have any choice but to get over it.
Post # 9
Oooh that does suck. I suppose that you could make the best of the situation just by focusing on your wedding and making it as awesome as you wanted it to be before she told you her date.
Post # 10
I think what you are feeling is complete understandable. She sounds like my ex sister inlaw. her second marriage on lasted 2 months. Just try and stay positive it you are getting married for all the rights reasons. which means your marriage is forever and not just some flavor of the month.
Post # 11
I am sorry that you are dealing with this. I don’t think there is anything you can do about it though, so it is best to sigh, chalk it up as another “You’ll never believe what happened… ” story, and try not to let it bother you or take away from your enjoyment of the planning process.
It seems like from her history that you wrote about that this might not come from a place of mean-spiritedness after all. She seems like the kind of gal that would just get tunnel vision about weddings and getting married and such (esp with bringing it up early in serial relationships) — so since she is the center of her world, she might not have even thought about the fact that it might be upsetting to cut in front of your wedding with her whirlwind relationship.
Post # 12
I could have written this post!!! I voted no just get over it, i really feel your frustration though! My sister is 5 yrs younger, I am 36 and still waiting. She just left her second husband for a married man and then moved home from states away to have her now bf move in with her- she lives at my moms house, with her two kids. I am just waiting for her to get a ring before me. UGHHH!!!! I hate it, but she is only one person in my life and she has done such a good job being a nut job no one really cares about her craziness, so she really isn’t harming my situation. My mom bought both of her wedding dresses and will probably buy her third, but is giving me so much guilt about buying my 1 that I am just going to buy it myself. So frustrating! Oh and my mom just announced that her and her boyfriend are getting married too, in Vegas. (we want to a vegas DW) They have been dating for two months, she and my sister are a lot alike. Ok sorry- didn’t mean to thread jack- but there are tons of sisters out there like this and don’t give it any more energy than you need to. I feel like I am the only one getting hurt by my situation and getting mad doesn’t make it any better.
Post # 13
No, you aren’t being unreasonable. I would be pissed too! But in the end what she does doesn’t matter. Your wedding day is about the two of you and whetever she did before that doesn’t matter a single bit. Besides, you can’t really change it so all you CAN do it get past it.
Post # 14
@Phofe2774: Wow, it sounds like we have similar families. lol. I know your pain.
Post # 15
Thanks everyone for the comments and I know you are all right. It’s nice to know that a lot of you can understand why it bothers me and I know I need to let it go and not give it much thought at all. I guess I just wanted some time to complain about it, so thanks for listening. At least it gives me something to chuckle about and I agree with the poster who said this will be a good story to recall years from now. For the sake of her son I hope this works out. He deserves stability. Thanks again for the support and advice! Even the tough love!
Post # 16
@chrispygal: I totally understand why youre upset. What shes doing sounds really malicious and low! However, just remember that your wedding is going to be a million times better!! And people will be more excited for your wedding because 1) it is your first wedding/marriage and 2) you did not cheat on your ex that your family was close with. Im sure other people will think its ridiculous what shes doing so dont worry.