Am I being unreasonable? (bridesmaid issues)

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
  • poll: Am I being unreasonable?
    Yes, you're being ridiculous, get over yourself : (5 votes)
    18 %
    You're overreacting a bit, though I see where you're coming from : (12 votes)
    43 %
    No, I'd feel the same : (11 votes)
    39 %
    Obligatory 'other' : (0 votes)
  • Post # 3
    Member
    537 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: May 2013

    I guess I don’t understand the fuss about the dresses- give them to the girls, and let them be responsible for getting it fitted themselves in the course of the next months. They’re adults, and surely more than capable of showing up to your wedding on time in a dress that fits?

    If you’re uncomfortable with what has been planned for the Hen night, say so (although you could have said something when you actually did the booking yourself?). It sounds more like you’re disappointed about life getting in the way of your plans (which is understandable), but you have to realize that, especially for the girls who are coming up on major life changes by moving abroad, your pre-wedding events are not as high a priority. It’s just the way it is. and every bride has to come to that realization. So yes, I would say you’re bordering on ‘Zilla-dom, but there’s nothing wrong with telling the girls that you want to switch gears for the hen night. 

    Congrats on your upcoming wedding, everything will be fine!

    Post # 4
    Member
    499 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: April 2015

    @barbie86:  I don’t think you are being unreasonable.  My bridesmaids are like that too.  Too busy with their own lives to care about anything else… and yes always complaining about how expensive things cost…

    Post # 5
    Member
    9532 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: August 2013

    I don’t really understand what’s going on with the hen party, but I can understand your girls wanting to be there! I did mine the night before the rehearsal, so that I could include my out-of-town cousins and bridesmaids. 

    As far as the dress fittings go, I’d just remove yourself from the equation so you don’t have to deal with the stress. Give them the dress and tell them that they need to take it in to be altered and that it takes 4 weeks to be altered. Then leave it to them to get it done. If they procrastinate and have a dress that doesn’t fit exactly right, they’re the ones that will look bad. If you’re worried about paying, I’d bet that the salon would set up a system so that they can charge you for the alterations, even if you aren’t there when the girls bring them in.

    Post # 8
    Member
    2581 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2014 - UK

    @barbie86:  I can see how it would be totally frustrating on your part, particularly them not managing to make the fitting appointments, but on the other hand when I was a bridesmaid for my cousin she didn’t come to any of my fittings, and it still got done.

    Equally, if the two girls you’re waiting on for fittings are the two who are moving, they probably have quite a bit on their plates at the moment. I’m sure they’ll get it done, try and relax and make the most of having them around, because you don’t want your last few months with them to be all stressed! 🙂

    Post # 9
    Member
    499 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: April 2015

    @barbie86:  yes, I totally agree, it definitely is a slap in the face when they blow their money on a night out.. or in my case, designer shoes, bags, jewelry…etc.

    My wedding isn’t for another year or so, and they are already complaining about not being able to afford the bachelorette party… one even said she may not be able to make it to the wedding (i’m having a DW in Mexico). So disappointing.  

    Post # 11
    Member
    2581 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2014 - UK

    @barbie86:  Yeah, the hangover thing’s a bit ridiculous, but I sort of expected the ‘going out lots’ thing when you said they were moving away – I expect everyone they’ve ever met ever is trying to make the most of them being here and trying to drag them out wherever.

    I was just playing devil’s advocate though. The hangover thing is silly, they definitely shouldn’t be blowing you off for that.

    Post # 13
    Member
    1290 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2014

    @Hausfrau:  +1

     

    @barbie86:  OP, I’m sorry that you don’t have a friend who can be 100% wedding all the time with you.  It’s nice when brides have that person to be there when everyone else is busy with their own lives and doesn’t prioritize your wedding.  I don’t think you’re being a bridezilla, and I think that you have a right to be sad.  However, your friends have the same right to make their lives a priority over your wedding.

    They do not, however, have the right to complain about wedding stuff, especially to you, but they have and they will.  People do that, and they’re not always sensitive to how the bride (or groom, for that matter) feels about it.  That’s why your here.  We all understand the sad feelings and can give you interwebs hugs.

    Also, this post made me think of the movie Bridesmaids. You should watch it and tell your girls they’re lucky that you aren’t having a parisian bridal shower complete with giant cookie and chocolate fountain with puppies as party favors. 😉

    Post # 15
    Member
    1290 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2014

    @barbie86:  I didn’t mean you need someone there 24/7, but my point is that it’s nice to have a friend who will always be there when you need someone there, when everyone else sucks.  Because people suck, and that’s what you find when you’re planning a wedding.  People that you thought were reasonable do horrible things.

    It sounds like you just want to argue because no one knows the situation like you do.  Okay, fine, what do you want us to say, your friends are bitches?  Your friends are nice people but they’re treating you like a bitch?

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