(Closed) Am I being unreasonable? – Clash of cultures

posted 8 years ago in Intercultural
Post # 3
1641 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

I think you are being unreasonable in that you are not being honest. You are really  upset about the number of guests. That doesn’t have anything to do with the dance. You need to be honest, and not get in the habit of griping about something that isn’t the true problem, because nobody can read your mind. Saying no to the dance makes you sound a little bit like you are stomping your foot because you didn’t get your own way on something else.

The Greek dance is a big deal to Greek Orthodoxy. Say yes to the dance, but insist the list get cut- isn’t that really what you want?

Post # 4
2006 posts
Buzzing bee

Honestly? I don’t see how eliminating the Greek dancing is helping your situation any. I understand you are frustrated and feel like you don’t have control over your wedding, however I think you are picking the “wrong” thing to control. What good does it really do to cut out the dancing? Cultural dances can be SO much fun and I don’t think your guests will be intimidated at all to give it a try.

If your in-laws are not paying for the wedding I would give them a strict number of people to invite and stick to it. Tell them if they do not cut down their list you will do it for them and they may not like the outcome. Unfortunately if they are contributing to your wedding you have less of a say in the guests they invite :/

Post # 5
2006 posts
Buzzing bee

@menobride: we are totally on the same wavelength! I ditto everything you said.

Post # 6
8353 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2011

I also think you are being unreasonable. You are marrying into your FI’s family for better or worse. I think you need to embrace his family and their heritage. I am not Greek, and I would love to get up and try to Greek dance. I am a shy person, but I think it would be fun. I agree with your Fiance. Sorry.

Post # 7
264 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

I agree with menobride. The dance isn’t your issue (as is spells out in your writing), it’s the number of people you feel forced to invite. I understand the Greek culture about weddings as well, but as your future family they’ve got to understand and respect your desire and needs too. I’d put my foot down on that issue instead and maybe even compromise…less people (like those who seriously know you and love you {kinda like what we are doing}) and more “touches” of Greek culture spread throughout your wedding (like the dance and the fact that you’re marrying in HIS church and CONVERTING to their religion). 

Good luck! 

Post # 8
376 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I’m sorry, but I too have to agree that your request is unreasonable. Since he’s going to be ordained his religion is a really big part of his life and his going to be a big part of yours too. Dancing is a big part of the ceremony for them, and since you’re converting YOU too. 

@noritake I’m not Greek either but I’d also LOVE to try greek dancing. It always looks like such a blast. 

Post # 9
6572 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 2010

I agree with the others. I would put my foot down on the guest list numbers before the dancing if that’s what you’re upset about.

We’re Jewish and my sil isn’t. But during their wedding when the hora came on, everybody on her side joined us to dance. Most didn’t understand what was going on, but they still had fun!

Post # 10
3613 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

I was going to say the same thing as @artbee. Turkish dancing is very similar to Green dancing & hora, and we played this at our wedding. Even though my Turkish family was way outnumbered (total opposte of your situation), everybody got up and joined the dance and it was really fun. I think people are going to keep requesting the dance as the reception progresses whether you like it or not. I highly doubt you can keep the Greeks from doing their dance. I would suggest that you embrace the Big Fat Greek Wedding scenario from the start and enjoy it. I have a feeling you’re going to be lavished with attention and love from his side of the family and have a blast.

Post # 11
2373 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2008

I agree with other posters- cutting out greek dancing seems a little odd when you’re upset about the guest list (especially since the dancing a huge cultural thing and a  lot of fun).

  I may pick the guest list battle and okay the dancing.

Post # 12
10367 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

1. Greek dancing is REALLY fun (speaking as a non-Greek), and I think you are robbing your guests of the opportunity to partake in the culture of your future husband.


2. You are gaining nothing by not being honest with your future husband.


Cut the guest list, keep the dancing.

Post # 13
33 posts

I felt like you did for awhile.  I wanted a tiny backyard wedding, but instead we’re inviting 275.  Fiance’s invites outnumber mine at least 3 – 1.  Like you, my fiance’s family has a lot of cultural traditions that I don’t relate to, and to make matters worse, the wedding is in his hometown – not mine.  I was extremely uncomfortable and upset for a long time.  I felt like I was constantly being forced into doing things that are not me.  But after awhile, I realized that while this is all not me, it’s very important to him.  Family is of the utmost importance to both of us.  He can’t help it if his is 100 people and mine is 25.  Plus, I figure my friends and family will attend a really fun wedding they will never forget.  If I’m happy, relaxed, and having fun, they will be too.  So I am embracing it all.  As a compromise, we’re having a super-casual out-of-town welcome party the night before.

Post # 14
118 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I say go for the Greek dance! The Greek side of the family will really want it and the Canadians will probably enjoy it, even if some of them just watch. It will only be a very small part of the reception right? The rest of it will be more mainstream music which your side of the family will enjoy. 

With that being said I totally understand why you would be upset about the guest list getting out of control. Eventually you and your Fiance may have to put your foot down about that. Are the FIL’s helping pay for all these extra guests to be at your wedding? If so you may just have to let that go too. Just look at it as an opportunity to meet many new people and keep you focus on having fun with your friends and family. 

Post # 15
110 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

@fleur99: I must say that’s a really great attitude 🙂

Post # 16
228 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

embrace the Greekness! They are a lot of fun and their food is delish! 🙂

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