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I honestly don't think you're being unreasonable at all. If your BIL has a problem with it then 1) he shouldn't have agreed in the first place, and 2) he (or even your sister) should man up and tell you personally. Can you call your BIL and ask him directly, even if your sister isn't answering?
I totally agree with HisButtercup - he shouldn't have agreed to it in the first place, and why couldn't they tell you personally that he didn't want to do it? Are you close to your sister? If you get a hold of them and she's wishy washy, just tell her to forget it and find someone else to marry you.
It's a shame that your sister took the cowardly route and had your mom call you to tell you that her husband wouldn't do the ceremony. You might want to contact the county anyway just to be sure that you can get someone for your date.
Go straight to the source: your BIL. Ask him how he feels, mention what your mother said, and go from there. You could even give him a way out in case he agreed because he felt like he couldn't say no. (not saying it's the case, but it's a possibility).
Also, it could be your BIL wants to do it and your sister doesn't. OR your sister is trying to stay out of it because your mom is the one raising the rukus. right now, it's impossible to know what's going on with them.
good luck! hope it all smooths out quickly for you. :)
I just called BIL, and he swears he didn't know anything about it, and he's happy to do it. Which means that it's more likely that my Mom is stirring up trouble, but why? I mean...there's the remote possibility that he's just saying that because he's embarassed I called him, but if I start thinking that, I'll make myself crazy. I don't understand why she would get me all upset for nothing?
Am seriously considering eloping. Is it too late? Have sent out STDs but no invites yet, they were scheduled to go in the mail on Monday.
Our pre-marital councelor said something to us last week that really strikes me as applicable to what you are experienceing right now. He told us that a couple months out from the wedding, people will start to go crazy. It just happens. It is a tremendous step for family and friends to see their loved one enter a marriage and most people will go through a phase of being completely selfish/controlling/manipulative/disapproving/etc. He told us to go on a date and take a few minutes to just be silent with one another. You are just a couple months from your wedding and most likely your mom (and his mom) have no idea what to do about their own feelings about watching their children grow up and get married. So they control and undermine and manipulate to try to get a better grasp on the situation. We were told that this type of behavior is very common.
You were good to talk to your BIL and I am glad that he is still on the same page as you for the wedding. The world is spinning around you right now, but you can do what you need to do to address issues at their core and take care of yourself. Good luck, it sounds like you guys have had a rough planning process. I'm sure you wedding will be beautiful and joyful, regardless of all this drama.
Maybe it's because your BIL is doing it and not someone "proper"?
You could always call and confront her. (I'm a bit confrontational...ok, ok... very confrontational).
Rosiebear has a good point, about people going nutzy the closer to the wedding date.
If you and your BIL are cool and on the same page, ignore everyone else and enjoy yourselves.
I would think BIL would be honored! Not selfish at all, ESPECIALLY because you offered to pay the fee. Looks like BIL is the only one who can solve this now.
You said you talked to him and he's fine with it, so I'd consider letting it go. If he's on board, your mom and sister shouldn't have an issue!
You're not selfish even a little. Just ignore your mother, and don't give in to the passive agressiveness that's going on here. Because that's exactly what it sounds like. If your BIL had a problem, assume he would tell you. Don't buy into the rolling eyes or sighs in the other room. Have the wedding YOU want to have.
@Gemstone: Shouldn't, being the operative word there. 
They shouldn't, yet they always do!
@Rosie: thank you for the reminder, maybe I should just take anything that happens in these last couple of months with a grain of salt, or 10.
@Ryna; I'm suspecting you may have hit the nail on the head there...Mom is all about etiquette and propriety, and perhaps this offends her sense of both. I didn't think of that, but it's dawning on me that you might be right.
I don't believe you're being unreasonable, and it's good that you talked to BIL. Since you've spoken with BIL, are you planning on asking your mom what brought the issue up? I'm curious to know.
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So my mother calls me at like 6:30 this morning (we're in opposite time zones) and says (as far as I know--completely out of the blue) "You really need to call the county clerk's office and see if someone will marry you."
"Why?" Is all I'm able to stagger out because I was just asleep two minutes ago, and I've scratched my leg jumping over the baby gate to answer the phone.
"It's just too much to ask of BIL [I already HAVE, and he said he'd be happy to do it, and that they didn't want me to pay to get him ordained], it's too expensive, [it's 75.00 and I offered to pay] and it's just selfish of you to ask that."
I don't even know what I mumbled at her, since this totally took me by surprise--I thought this was done, and I crossed it off my list.
So, I see that there are one of two possibilities here:
(1) She has decided this on her own, my sister and my BIL don't know anything about it, and things are in fact, fine.
(2) My sister has been complaining to her about it behind my back after BIL agreed, and my Mom is trying to mollify her by pointing me in a new direction.
So I did try to call my sister, but she's not taking my calls, or answering texts either.
So, I ask you. Is this a selfish and unreasonable thing to ask of BIL? I didn't think it was at all, but maybe I've lost perspective.
It's a small wedding, we're only inviting 40 people, and I've been contested on so many things...my mom didn't like the baker I chose, or apparently BIL doing the ceremony, she doesn't like the bamboo utensils I ordered, or the paper plates I DON'T want. She doesn't think I should wear a dress. His mother doesn't like the date, the location, or the fact that I spent any money on paper products at all when a phone works just as well.
And even though we want this, I'm so tired of everyone having an issue with everything...