- 4 years ago
- Wedding: June 2014
I need some advice regarding my family. I don’t know If anyone ese here has gone through similar circumstances, but any input would be nice 🙂
I currently live in my FI’s home province in Atlantic Canada and my family still lives in Toronto. We decided to hold the wedding in my current province as my FI’s family is all from here and he has a much, much larger family and group of friends than I do. My family compromises of 7 (not including me) members, 3 adults and 4 children, sonot a large group at all. So the logical thing to do was have the least amount of people have to travel. I have some wonderful friends that believe it is worthwhile to come all the way here for the wedding and I’m so grateful for that.
The problem is my family. I know that travelling can be expensive, so I tacked a year extra onto our engagement just to make sure that they all had ample time to save, as well as offered to have all 7 of them stay in my two bedroom house. Crazy I know, but i rather be a little cramped then them having to pay even more to be here. To fly here and back it avgs around $600. If you get a seat sale, you can get here for $250 return. so not too bad if you look right. (I’ve been keeping my eye out for them)
My brother kept saying he would never ever miss this day and would do whatever it takes to be there for me. Somewhere in the back of my mind, I knew it would be a big possibility that he wouldn’t come (he’s a terrible saver and has social anxiety), so I wasn’t surprised when he said that he is unsure if he is going to make it due to financial reasons. He said that he has to get oral surgery (for his teeth) and it’s going to cost him $1500 after insurance. If he didn’t constantly post of FB all the concerts he was going to as well as all the tattoos he was getting , I would have sadly understood as much as I could. But because I see how he spends his money, I’m a little upset. Now people, I’m not asking that he give up all his fun for me, but hey in a two year period, I think you can cut back once or twice to put a little away. Since I already knew it was a possibility for this to happen, I wasn’t all that shocked.
However, my sister is a different story. She is married and has 4 kids. 3 of her kids are supposed to be in the wedding as jr bridesmaids and ring bearer.I totally get that this could be financially hard for them, even though thay have decent jobs. But She recently even took them all to jamacia so I figured it wouldn’t be too big of a srain to get here,.
Anyway, I basically wanted to ensure they all were able to make it , and thus she was the main reason for the long engagement.
Recently my FI’s sister who does live in TO, has been browsing for their attire (her kids are in the wedding too) and sending me pictures. She’s also been asking if I would like her to pick up an outfit for my nephew so the kids could match. I told her to hold off on it and I would talk to my sister. So after talking to my sister, she basically says she doesn’t know what to do about the outfit because she doesn’t know who she’s bringing or if she is coming alone . I asked her when she would know because I’m also trying to get other planning done too, and it would be great to figure out who’s acutally coming (especially my family). And she basically she said she couldn’t tell me until after March. So Basically, she wont know until two months before the wedding who’s coming. This makes me upset because A) they are my family , and It looks like I’m only going to have one of them there, B) not knowing puts a damper on planning and I basically have to guess or assume. My MIL is making etched glasses with their names on em and well those might be a waste and C) I know she’s saying March because she’s waiting to see what her tax return is and thus telling me that she actually hasn’t saved a cent towards coming. It actually hurts that they don’t seem to care enough to try.
My FIL’sall have been so involved with the wedding and trying to help the best they can, while mine don’t even care. My sister ended up yelling at me saying that I care too much about what people think and that If she decides even a week before the wedding that I should be able to work it out with the vendors to add all of them in, and it shouldn’t matter. She also said some terrible things about my FI ‘sfamily even though they are the sweetest people you’d ever meet, and also said I was asking the impossible task of asking whether or not they were coming while there are still 8 months left
. She bascially told me it was my fault for moving and that basically we should just cut ties ( all because i told her march-april was kinda late notice).
There were a lot more hurtful things said, but anyway, I don’t care so much about what people think, that’s not it. I’m just hurt, because I thought of them when I picked the date. I spent my whole life looking after them because my mom didn’t. My sister is older than me, and she used to come to me for money when I was in UNI for things she wanted, not needed even though I really couldn’t afford it. I guess I just wanted to feel like they are finally there for me. If it were their weddings, I wouldn’t miss it for the world. I’d do whatever I could to be there.
How do I address this with her so she understands? My sister is a very stubborn and passionate person, I’ve tried to explain it to her a few times and she wont give up her views about what I should do . I’m hoping you guys can help me come up with something.
Am I being unreasonable to ask her to let me know before march?
Thanks bees 🙂