Post # 1
Hi! I have been assured by friends and family that I am not doing anything wrong, but I would like to get feedback from other brides just to get opinions from people who are actually planning and feeling the emotions that we are. My younger brother got engaged at the beginning of the year, and set a date that made their engagement a year and a half long. When my fiance and I talked about getting married and were looking at possible dates (before we got engaged–we knew we wanted to get married fairly quickly so we were already planning basic things since I would not have a huge block of planning time) we had discussed a date that was two full months before their wedding…we selected these dates specifically because we wanted to be courteous of them and their “spotlight” time. We are at a time in our lives where a longer engagement is just pointless. We are two years older, want to have children soon (and want to married at least a year before we get pregnant), and my lease on my house that I am renting with a roommate ends right around the time that we have set our date. This situation wreaked havoc on us as soon as we got engaged, and broke my heart. I understand that they are concerned that they won’t get “all the attention”, but to me 9 weeks is a completely reasonable buffer time between my wedding and theirs. Our family and other guests are all local, and I am having a church ceremony while she is having hers outdoors. Nothing in either of our weddings is similar, and I just thought that if mine was over with she would have a full two months for them to have the full spotlight. I have even offered to pay for some of the parts of my wedding just to make sure that my parents aren’t having to stress about paying. Yes, I am from a traditional southern family that pays for the daughter’s wedding…but we are talking a very simple, $6K wedding (possibly less)! Sorry for the huge post, I just wanted to explain the whole situation. Everyone in my family is supportive of the decision, except for them. She is one of my close friends, and in the time when I thought we would be talking even more and helping each other plan—she has barely even answered my texts. She is a wonderful girl and I couldn’t have hand picked a better person to be my sister and to marry my brother. Is this really something that will affect us in the years to come?
Post # 3
@GABridetoBe: I think she’s being ridiculous. 9 weeks is more than enough time considering everyone is local and it really won’t affect much. She gets a day to have “the spotlight”. Period. don’t feel bad, you are doing nothing wrong IMO
Post # 4
@GABridetoBe: i think she needs to realize that brides only get 1 day, not 1 year.
Post # 5
That is plenty of time in between weddings. FI’s brother and his wife are due to have a baby on our wedding day…and ours is a DW. So…everyone should get over because it could be worse!
Post # 6
@GABridetoBe: 2 months is heaps of time. I planned my wedding 3 months after we had a family reunion, 2 months would have worked also in my situation.
She should just see it as a good year for your family to get togeather often, more memories.
Post # 7
She needs to get over herself.
Post # 8
Every bride gets one day. Heck, I’ve seen families that have had weddings only 1 week apart and I got married on a weekend when 3 of my other friends all got married as well (we were sad we couldn’t attend each others’ weddings and wished each other well). You made a decision that made sense for you. She is being ridiculous.
Post # 9
They aren’t making a huge deal openly anymore, but they have still made it clear that they believe we are being selfish. The only reason they have stopped being so mean is because my Dad had to just snap on my brother. I just hate that the drama happened and really have a damper on my planning because every time I try to talk to her about wedding stuff it seems like there is a wall between us. She also got upset because her cousin moved her wedding date to three months before hers instead of six, and this was right before I got engaged. The whole thing just sucks.
Post # 10
I don’t understand this whole “spotlight” thing. I’m just over halfway through my year-long engagement and other than some casual questions about how wedding planning is going, I don’t feel like there’s a spotlight on me. No one is going to want to fuss over your brother and FSIL for a year and a half, and they’re being selfish to think otherwise.
You have perfectly logical reasons for choosing your date, 9 weeks is more than enough time between the two dates (that’s a difference in seasons if you’re marrying in April and they are in June!) and you aren’t burdening your guests. This is totally fine.
Let your FSIL have her little pout-fest. She’ll grow up and get over it.
Post # 11
You aer not being selfish. We aregetting married 3 weeks away from my FI’s sister.
She was engaged first, but FI and I have been together for longer (3 years vs 1 year)
Our weddings are very different. Our budget is honestly probably 10x higher
Even still, with all the possibiliteis for “comparisons” no one has made a stink about it! It;s a day, we each get a day (well two including the rehersal dinner)
don’t worry about it, if people want to be mean that is their problem
Post # 12
I agree with the othe posts, 9 weeks is more than fine!
SO’s family has a group of 10 cousins all between 23-31, so engagements seem to be popping up a lot right now. His brother has been enaged for sometime, recently at an engagement party for another cousin in their family, the couple being celebrated annouced they were hoping for September of 2015 and SO’s FSIL freaked out at the party saying it’s too close to her “possible” May of 2015 wedding. The dates would be almost FOUR months apart, not to mention that FSIL has changed her date 4 times…
Talk about annoying and the entire family was embarassed by it.
Post # 13
You are being completely reasonable. She gets 1 day, as do you.
Post # 14
As long as both weddings are local, I don’t see the issue. Maybe if they were both far enough away that people wouldn’t want to travel more than once in that time period…
Post # 15
you’re being totally reasonable. I’m guessing they’re younger and she’s still a little more into the whole ‘all about me’ thing.
9 weeks is tons of time. Now, if my sister decided she was getting married at the end of February/early March 2014, I might be a little put out for a few weeks, but whatever, I’d get over it (she has been engaged longer – by a year – but they’re not planning on having a wedding, and they’re planning to elope in January or May 2015)
Post # 16
Maybe its a bigger deal than the spotlight?
Why are you getting married so soon? Did it have to be such a short engagement?
Maybe she questions your relationship with your SO. Was marriage something you and your SO ever discussed to family or did it come out of nowhere?