Weddingbee boards

Ok so I have a huge wedding party... dont get me started..anyway one of my very best friends been friends for like 15 years.. is in the wedding..she doesnt seem very excited about stuff when I tell her things shes very blaz'a (spelling) anyways she got married in May and I was excited about her wedding and asked questions etc.. she had no bridal party so i was not in it..she had a very small kinda cookie cutter wedding nothing personalized.. anyways I tell her stuff and she just doesnt say much.. we couldnt get all the girls together for bridesmaids dress shopping but basically i was picking the dress just getting input so the girls that couldnt make it agreed theyd go with whatever I chose..ended up they all loved the dress..  so today I was talking about shoes and she says to me "You should just let us all wear whatever black shoes we already have"  Really.. why did that infuriate me so much..I was like what?? A- black shoes would not look right with the blue color.. I am doing teal and purple..half the girls are wearing purple half teal.. picture of the dresses inclosed.. but seriously..old beat up whatever black shoes in my wedding.. I started feeling like maybe that comment shouldnt have made me so annoyed.. but I cant help but think that she just doesnt care about my wedding with that comment..shes been in other weddings she knows what the deal is..and its not about money cause shes always bragging about how much money her husband makes and she doesnt have to work etc etc.  so i think maybe I just got so mad because she just isnt putting my thought into it? I dunno..would that have pissed you off?

Mmmm...yeah, I don't see what the big deal is. Maybe wedding planning isn't her thing which is why she doesn't appear as excited about your wedding as you do. Also, maybe because she's been in so many other weddings she's tired of buying a new dress and new shoes she never wears again. And I don't think black would be that horrible with those dress (new or not) because who will see them?

So no, it wouldn't have pissed me off.

I wouldn't love somebody to address a comment to me with "you should," but if the context was a suggestion rather than trying to boss you around, then no, I wouldn't have been irritated at all.

1. They are wearing floor-length dresses; no one will see the shoes.

2. No one looks at the bridesmaids' shoes anyway, because no one cares about the bridesmaids' shoes. Really.

3. The fact that she didn't have a bridal party means that, although she's been in other people's weddings, she herself isn't into the whole Bridesmaid Thing or even, it sounds like, the Wedding Thing, so I think that explains her lack of interest in your planning and her disinclination to buy a new pair of shoes that she didn't choose because they go with your 'vision.' It doesn't matter how much money she does or doesn't have; people still like to have a choice over what they spend their money on.

So, I think it would be best to just let it go. Her lack of interest doesn't mean that she's a bad friend or that she's not thrilled for you, it just means she doesn't care about wedding details. Those are two completely separate things and it would be sad if you mistook one for the other.

I agree with previous posters, that her lack of interest probably doesn't necessarily mean she's not excited for you or your wedding. Maybe you could sit down and have a talk, to get your friendship back on track? It could be that she has something personal going on, or that she got worn out talking weddings since hers was recently? I understand why you'd want her to be equally excited as you were for hers, but maybe she doesn't have the same way of expressing it.

As for the shoes, it is possible she's trying to be practical regardless of how much her DH makes. Shoes that people pick out themselves usually fit better to the individual. Maybe if you don't like black, you could have everyone get a silver shoe that is comfortable to them? Give it a little time to cool off, and then maybe you could ask her why she wants her black shoes. Either way, it's not worth damaging a 15 year friendship =)

Yes, you're being a bridezilla.  No one else will care as much about your wedding as you do.  Most people don't really care much past theparty, food and alcohol.  Deal with it.  You don't seem to have cared much about her "cookie cutter" wedding that had nothing personalized (Apparently it's a wedding crime to not spend money on personalized junk that will just be discarded at the end of the evening.  Who knew?)

I wear black shoes with dresses/skirts of both of those colors all the time.  So not only do black shoes go with those dresses, it's completely ridiculous of you to freak out over your friend of 15 years trying to save some money.  She just dropped at least a few hundred on a dress that she will never wear again.  Just because someone isn't poor doesn't mean that they are just itching to spend their money on things for other people.  

Chill out girl.

I'm not sure if you guys watch Bridezillas, but short of punching the girl in the face or feeding her laxative brownies, I doubt that this adds up to Bridezilla status. 

Before you get in a huff about the shoes, I would check out which one she wants to wear. If she brags so much about the money that they have, I'm sure that she probably has a pretty nice pair of black shoes. The dresses are long and as the first poster said, most people won't even see the shoes.

Zomgwut I should have clarified.. when I said cookie cutter..I didnt mean cheap she spent alot of money on her wedding she made that very clear every time we talked about it.. she just didnt do anything personalized.. I.e to her style etc.. when she would say she wanted to do something she would then say .. but Im not cause its a hassle I dont feel like it id rather pay someone else to do it..and I always offered to help and told her "Its your wedding you should have what you want.. il help you" What I meant was.. she could have picked her favorite flowers..or her colors or her anything to make it "hers" she just calimed she just said it was too much of a hassle, even for a bridal shower.. I wanted to throw her one she said she didnt want one because her mom would complain about all the work it was and her grandmom would want to make a cake and then would compain about that etc..I told her "screw em..its your wedding"  in the end there was no shower.. because she refuswed to let me throw her one..then she seemed upst there wasnt one.

I do know shes into weddings..or was prior to hers cause she went all out for her sisters wedding..and then I think she was hurt her sister didnt do more for hers..but she realy wouldnt let us.

other thing I should have specified..we arent "fighting " over this.. in fact she probably doesnt even know I was mad.. I overreacted to myslef..and vented to my MOH and MOM and friends.. but all I said to her was that that was not an option noones wearing black shoes in my wedding.

Other thing.. I know for a fact that she wore specific shoes in the other weddings she was in because I saw it..Ive in fact never been in or been at a wedding where the bridesmaids didnt alll have coordinating shoes.. She was the maid of honor in her sisters wedding and not only did all the girls have to buy matching shoes the guys all had to buy matching shoes as well.. so shes familiar with that type of wedding

lastly..I know not everyone is comfortable in the same type of shoe.. my sister isnt comfortable in heels while my other friend loves heels so I had told them they would have two options..I would pick a heel and a flat and each one could wear either of that specific shoe..  She knew previously I was picking tthe shoes as I had said that I wanted to find either something in between that everyone would be comfortale in or give them the choice between two. 

I find shoe pictures important I think they are really cute also my style is a little bit.. I dont know symetrical I gues..I like matching things.. I bought all NINE bridesmaids jewelry and I didnt buy them fake jewelry I spent alot of money on it..because I ifgured I woudlnt want to be given fake jewelry as a gift so Im not going to give them fake jewelry but I cant make them go out and buy jewelry just because I want it to match because thats not a norm.. however every wedding ive been in or at the bridesmaids had shoes that were coordinated.. not always the same exact shoe but similar.. I was in a wedding where we all had to get dyable shoes dyed the same peach color but aside from that the bride didnt care what shoe we wore.. I was going to pick a silvery shoe so they dont have to get them dyed to save money. If someone couldnt afford shoes that would be a different story and I would help them with that.. but thats not the case here.. but also Ive told all ofthem from the beginning if they cant afford it.. or just dont want to have the stress or put the effort in to being a bridesmiad then I would not be hurt or mad at all and I would understand so I really dont understnad the lackluster response from her regarding my wedding..

I understand friendship goes both ways and I think thats why it upst me.. granted I knew I shouldnt be that mad..but I was..like I said I didnt yel at her or let her know..I just said nope not happening..  however.. if for her wedding she would have told me to wear an ostrich suit and do the chicken dance down the isle..I would have said.. well its your wedding and done it.. if someone wanted me to wear a florencent orange dress and stilettos Id do it if it was there wedding..because thats what friendship is to me.

HOLY COW..sorry didnt realize that was so long while I was typing :)

I only had a MOH in my wedding and her dress was short. I told her to wear whatever shoes she wanted--and a year and a half after my wedding, I honestly don't remember what her shoes looked like! If the shoes are important to you, maybe you buy her a pair for your wedding? I know it sounds like she could afford them herself, but if you buy them, then there's nothing more to argue about.

Thats a good idea.. we wear the same size show so I could try them on we've shared shoes before.. Im a little afraid if I buy her shoes though she may think Im implying she cant afford them? She didnt say anything after I said that her idea wasnt an option so maybe I am just stressing for no reason and all will be fine tommorow

i would take a different approach than everyone else has.  it sounds like you're not actually upset about the shoes.  in fact, you wrote in your original post "why did that infuriate me so much".  i'm guessing that in general you're bummed out over her lack of enthusiasm - yes everyone takes different approaches to weddings, but personally i think that when i share a wedding detail with one of my close friends, i don't expect that they will care so deeply about the detail because it matters to them, i expect that they will care or show interest in that detail because I matter to them.  i think sometimes when we don't get excited responses from our closest friends, it makes us feel that they're not appreciating how significant this event is to us.  another thing is, that people have a tendency to cmpare themselves to others.  i'm sure all of us on weddingbee do it!  we get dress envy, ring envy, budget envy, you name it.  at least none of us know each other.  think how much harder it would be if you were experiencing those feelings toward someone you were close with.  maybe she feels envious about some of your details?  maybe she's comparing your wedding to hers and subconsciously feeling a little jealous?  if that's the case (again, i'm going out on a limb here), then yes, that sucks for you, but at least that's something that just happens (human nature), and it doesn't mean that she doesn't care about you and your wedding (and your shoes).  good luck! 

Thanks for the response.. I appreciate it.. My style is kinda symmetrical though those pictures look very mixmatched and awkward to me..but I know everyone has their own style so some would love that. I guess my friend was perfectly ok with me saying I wasnt going to do the everyone wear black shoes thing though because she hasnt said anything abut it since. I totally wouldnt make any of them where something uncomfortable or too expensive.. infact when we had all discussed dresses the budget was up to $200 for dress per bridesmaid that they had all  excepted..and the dress is only costing $127 so they are way under but I agree with it being wrong to make them uncomfortable which is why I was looking at similar flats and heels so they could choose between. I think I was more upset because to me I know shes been in other weddings and always wore whatever shoes was picked for her and to me it felt like she maybe wasnt giving my wedding the same respect but obviously she wasnt very upset about me veto'ing her idea so Im sure I was just overly stressed and put way more thought into it than she did .. its gonna be a funnn 4 months for me with my stress reactions lol

I don't think her comment was all that bad in itself, but this doesn't seem to be about shoes, it's about the fact that your best friend of 15 years is acting 'ho-hum' about your wedding, and that hurts beyond words.

I know, I'm in the same position right now so maybe that's why I see that in your post and sympthathize. After I was there for her wedding, my best friend is being a major buzz-kill right now too. It's really unfair and that's probably why you're reacting.

And I personally love the pic of the mis matchy heels!