Post # 1
So my FI and I had talked a little about possibly going to this beer convention together and then his friend who lives far away from us sent him a message about going with a group of friends. I told my FI that I would wanna go too and he said sure especially since we had talked about it before. This was about 3 days ago. So he just told me that he talked to his friend and his friend said he wanted it to be a guys night out kind of thing which my FI never does and which I never do w/ my girls either. He hasn’t seen this friend in awhile but I feel left out since I was looking forward to going. It would be weird for us to go seperately it’s just not something we enjoy doing or like to do. He hasn’t really told me his opinion on whether he wants me to go. His friend said if I absolutely must come then they’ll deal, but now I feel like I’m butting in. I’m kind of upset to be honest since we had been talking about going together! His friend said we could all hang out on Friday night together, but now that I don’t feel wanted, it’s just going to be awkward! What should I do. say?
Post # 3
Well, there are two issues that I noticed in your post.
1) You and your fiance NEVER do anything separately? That seems kind of odd. I think it’s really important that you each have your own lives and do things apart from each other. I’m not saying every night, but every once in a while, it’s nice to get apart from each other and just be around other people on your own.
2) Your fiance’s friends invited him to go to something he had already been talking about going to with you. Then his friends said that you couldn’t go? My fiance’s friends would NEVER not include me in anything if he wanted me to come along, and I think it’s incredibly rude of them to be that way, esp since you and your fiance wanted to go together. Now, in this particular case I think the right thing for your fiance to do is go with you since you obviously want to go, In other circumstances, I would say you should probably let him hang out with his friends but in these circumstances it sounds like his friends are being jerks.
I hope that made some sense, I feel like I was kind of rambling…
Post # 4
I’m confused, you mentioned that it would be weird for you two to go separately because it’s not something you enjoy doing or like to do. In that case, do you just want to go to the beer convention to spend time with your FI? I might suggest finding another activity to spend time with him and let him have his "guy time" together.
On the other hand, it was pretty rude of the friend to want to intentionally exclude you! Did your FI tell him that the two of you were planning on going together? If I misunderstood and you really do want to go to the beer convention, FI and friend should find another time either before or after the convention to hang out and the two of you can go to the convention together alone.
Post # 5
I guess I Read it differently. I thought you were saying you didn’t want to go separately because its kinda like why go separately if you are headed to the same place? I think that sentence has us all confused…
Anyway, do you have a girlfriend who might be interested in going? That way you could all "go" but the two of you can wander off together and let the boys be boys.
Post # 6
It wasn’t that we don’t go out seperate from each other it’s that it would be weird to go to the same place seperately, it would be weird to bump into him or to plan to go seperately to the same event just because his friend wants it to be a guys thing. My FI doesn’t mind me going especially since we were talking about going together. He didn’t mention anything about it being a guy’s thing b/c he didn’t know. I guess his friend told him he didn’t invite his gf because he wanted it to be a guys thing. I would worry about inviting one of my girlfriends because wouldn’t that be spoiling the boys’ thing even more?At least in my FI’s friend’s eyes.
At this point I don’t want to go with them and my FI was talking about going seperate from them or on a different day which also seems silly! I mean I want to go and not just to spend time with my FI but because it’s something we like to do together, we just went to a beer tasting last weekend too which was fun, but it was small and this one is really big and fun!
Post # 7
Okay, lots of details so here’s my understanding. YOu and your FI made a plan, and then he got excited b/c a friend of his he rarely sees could be included. But said friend already had other plans, and they didn’t include bringing GFs/FIs. Sounds like your FI really needs to be assertive here and say to his friend, "Look, I wanna hang out with you, and I’ve already committed to doing this with my FI who really wants to do this too. Let’s make it a co-ed thing. If that won’t work, why don’t I go with my FI and we join you for a beer or two at some point." The conflict here is that you want to go to this thing that’s kind of limited time, and he wants to see his friend who isn’t in town often. This could maybe solve both?
OTOH, why is it silly for him to go with you again separately? I mean, beer’s good any day of the week, right? That might give him the chance to fully catch up with his friend, and for you guys to enjoy tasting beer the way you want to without awkward social interactions.
Post # 8
If it were me, I’d just let him go. It’s a friend he doesn’t see often and it’s important to get some quality time in with friends separately, I think. It’s not that you’re not wanted. Even though you had gotten really excited for the beer convention, it might be better to just let it go. You get your FI for the rest of your life and could go again on a different day together, but his friends see him a lot less. If you were in his position, how would you feel? If neither of you never does a guys night/ girls night thing, it looks like this might be a good opportunity to start! 🙂 It can really be a great thing to do.
Post # 9
You got a lot of different opinions here. I agree with fizicsGirl.
I think your FI should tell his friends that he wants to bring you and you two were planning to go together. At a certain point you get past boys stuff/ girls stuff and yes, you can do separate things, but when a big, fun, beer convention comes along and you discussed going together, then you should go together and you can hang out with his friends as well.
You should reiterate to your FI that you two had plans and see if he can discuss opening the group with his friend who’s putting the boys only rule on it, that you’ll all have more fun if you go all go together. BUT if that seems like too much trouble I’d let it go.
Post # 10
I think it would irk me the most if my FI and I had made plans, then he had said he was going with a friend and I wasn’t welcome! I’d be like, "hey what about me? You can’t just trade me in for a friend you want to go with"
I don’t think it’d be weird to go to the same place separately. Sometimes I do stuff as a "group" ish with my FI. We go to one location, but i have dinner with the girls, he has dinner with the guys and we meet up at the end of the night…even if it’s the same places.
Post # 11
Is this beer convention local to you? If I were you I would still go to the convention with the guys and then have them drop you off afterwards then they go do their other guy stuff. Because I would want to go to the convention too! Although we went to one, one year and it was kinda lame. Lines were SUPER long. Majority of it was a bunch of idiots getting drunk not really there to appreciate the brews.
Post # 12
As some of the others have said, since you and your fiance had already talked about going to this event together before he spoke to his friend about it, etiquette really says that you and your guy should still go together. I’m on board with fizicsgirl here – go with your guy but meet up with his buddy for a beer or two at the convention if his friend is unwilling to budge on the "no girls allowed" angle.