(Closed) Am I Crazy?!

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
1571 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

It’s odd that she didn’t say anything about coming to do laundry again. However, maybe she considered it a standing invitation to use your washer and dryer until her situation is settled?

Maybe you can tell her she is welcome to do her laundry at your house, but to please let you know in advance that she will be there.

Post # 4
Member
2106 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Time for you to get your key back and have a conversation about taking advantage of hospitality. Your FI should be the one to talk to her. Heads would roll if my MIL invited herself into our house ever, let alone touched my clothes. 

Post # 5
Member
461 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

I have to use my FMIL washer and dryer at the moment. I always make sure to tell her I’m coming over on such and such day at such and such time. This way she can make sure everything is ready for me. If the situation was reversed, I know she would do the same. Just say in a polite way that you’d just like a heads up for whenever she comes to do laundry, that way you can make sure all your clothes are out of both washer and dryer.

Post # 6
Member
1071 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@countrylove:  this wouldn’t upset me personally but I understand why it might bother you

Post # 7
Member
1737 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

When FI and I first moved into our house (just two streets over from FMIL and FFIL) we had a lot of issues with FMIL just showing up whenever she pleased without giving us any heads up at all, including when we weren’t home. Our house used to be her mother’s house and I think she was just used to coming over any time she wanted. But eventually I just let FI know how damn annoying it was to come home and find stuff moved around or see that she’d come over and left another little gift (usually something that had been gathering dust in her basement for ages and was completely useless to us – just taking up space) or put food in our fridge that we didn’t like and would have to throw away, etc. He had to go have a talk to her about privacy and boundaries and ASKING before she brought anything over for us. She was a bit surprised but readily agreed to back off and ask before she came over, so now everything is fine. So I completely understand why you’d be upset that she was in your house uninvited and using your appliances. Maybe have a talk with her and ask that she let you know in advance if she needs to do laundry or come over for whatever reason?

Post # 8
Member
313 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2005

I think she’s going through a very difficult time and perhaps helping (or what she construed as helping) you both made her feel a little better.  I can understand feeling uncomfortable that she went through your laundry and let herself into your home however I think the anger is a bit unwarrented.  I would let her know that she is welcome to use the laundry under the provision that she call ahead of time to make sure it’s ok with yall.  God knows you don’t want to be having ‘relations’ with  your FI and have your MIL stroll in.

Post # 9
Member
3886 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

It really depends on the boundaries already in the relationship. If my sister did this, I wouldn’t bat an eye and I’d probably fold all her clothes for her. If it bothers you, then by all means say something, but don’t turn it into a fight. If your Fi isn’t bothered by it then to them it must be perfectly ok, and you are all just having a difference of opinion.

Post # 11
Member
2390 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

She has a key?  Oh HELL no.

Post # 13
Member
4275 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

I can see why it bothers you, but she is obviously going through a lot right now. Just let her know gently that next time you would appreciate a heads up when she plans on coming over.

Post # 14
Member
11753 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

She should have said something but at the same time I wouldn’t be all that upset about it. she’s clearly going througha  tough time and I’d want my FMIL to feel comfortable to come over for whatever she needed. I’d just ask your FI to have her let you know when she’s going to be coming over. Boundaries are important to establish – and while giving her a pass during this tough time once or twice is a nice thing to do, it’s important that they don’t go completely out the window!

The topic ‘Am I Crazy?!’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors