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We had a similar situation and depending where you register (like Macys) you can return items and have them reshipped for free, or if your guests are smart they will have them sent directly to you. Thats what most of our guests did. Even for showers.
The host of my shower spread the word to have them shipped and to print out a picture of what was purchased. For the wedding itself everyone was smart enough by then to not bring anything. Well that and we received almost all cash at the wedding.
So really you only need a registry for your shower, unless you are not planning to have one.
I'm in a similar situation!
I just said as nicely as I could that we are greatful for whatever our guests would like to bless us with!
I'm trying not to purposefully ask for big gifts due to the shipping factore etc.
@jude7186: I'm not sure how I feel about it. I hate the store registry because I think it's impersonal. But as a guest I would feel confused as to what to do if there wasn't one. I would probably buy you a gift of my choosing, and if there are others like me you'd still have loads of stuff to drag across the country. I would suggest writing a note explaining why you've chosen not to have one, in a fun and relaxed way. I know a lot of people would also have reservations about the expectation of giving money, but if you explain why I think it'll be okay. Does that help? Sorry if it doesn't make sense.
Thanks for the imput ladies!
I'm thinking of maybe incorporating it in our wedding invites and our wedding website.
Maybe something like this?
"To support us on our special day you may wish to follow with tradition and bring a gift. However, to save us the trouble of transporting gifts to California, it would greatly be appreciated if a gift card be given instead. Or preferably, you may like to help us make our honeymoon a little more special. For this reason we have chosen to have a honeymoon/gift card donation box. The box will be at the reception where we can receive your best wishes and contribution."
FI is asian and he actually told me not to expect anyone on his side to get anything from the registry because it's tradition to give money for weddings. What about the shower though?
@jude7186: If you expect cash at the wedding, why say anything? The only issue would be a shower.
@BayStateBride: For the shower... one of my friends is coordinating it. We're making it both guys and the girls... Since I don't really have too many people out here in California that I would want to invite. We suggested that for the bridal shower people could contribute for a spa day for us since we're having two weddings on seperate sides of the country (We're going to be really tired)
Traditional asian wedding don't have bridal showers from what I know though...
Absolutely not necessary! We will not have one either. Registries irk me for some reason and I have yet to give a gift from someone's or even look at one!
@jude7186: Do nooottt put that in the invite.
People aren't generally so stupid that they would give you huge giant boxed gifts at a wedding thousands of miles from your home. Telling them to basically give you money isn't the best way to go about this either, IMO, and is not even really necessary.
To pacify the people who think you're "crazy" for not having a registry, have a *small* registry with a few things on it for those people, and everyone else will get the hint. I'm registering on Amazon, where most things can be shipped free. I'd recommend it.
I think it's a good idea to have a registry, because people will be compelled to buy you something and you'll end up with a bunch of duplicates or stuff you don't need/want...
Can guests order things off your registry then you can pick it up at your local store after the wedding? I think lots of bigger stores do this. Then you don't have to cart everything home.
Yes, you are crazy. lol. Let people who want to give you money, give you money. Let people who want to buy you gifts, buy you gifts! Just have your family spread the word that you prefer that gifts be shipped to your home. Most stores have your registry available online. People can buy from your registry and have the gift shipped to your desired location. I am registering for far more than I have room for. But I do plan on having a bigger home someday, so if some of those items have to remain in a big box in the garage for a couple of years than so be it. They will go to good use in the future.
If you don't want to then don't. Some people are compelled to buy you a tangible gift. I went through it. We have what we need. If they want to give you something they usually will give you money. Also frames and photo books. But money is good, eh?
We didn't have a registry and it was great. Some people seemed surprised/confused by a lack of a registry, but no one was upset by its absence or anything like that. We received some lovely, creative, and thoughtful gifts, as well as some monetary gifts, and it was fun opening gifts that were actually a real surprise. It did help that we mentioned to our respective mothers a few ideas - some guests went to them for advice (we said linens, wine, and books). Not a duplicate among the gifts!
Funnily enough, OP, we are moving to CA in a few months. Guests knew that, and the majority of the gifts are small and will be easy to pack. People generally get it. The two really big things were shipped to our house and we'll just pack like with all our current furniture, etc.
I didn't have a shower, though, just a luncheon (although people did bring gifts). Whatever you end up doing, I wouldn't put a gift request up on the wedding website. A registry is one thing, but I think some people might feel odd about a suggestion like that.
Best of luck!
Well the thing is that we are living at his parents house now... they tend to just pick up clutter upon clutter. They don't have any room in the house for any of our things really. We're just crammed one room and we don't have too much for ourselves. We gave up our apartment so that we can start a savings but I got laid off so we're not really saving as much as we wanted to. =(
We have no idea what we'd do with any gifts. My FMIL doesn't even use her own kitchen and she doesn't want to let us use it EVER! Just because she's afraid i'll get dirty. She cooks everything in the garage on a little single burner. omg... I can't wait to move out!
Sorry for my little rant!
I would go for the word of mouth thing over putting ANYTHING about it in the invitation. If you feel really strongly about writing something about it maybe theres space for that on the wedding website if you have one? Otherwise I think that as people are asking your family and/or bridal party they can hear all of this from them.
@littlemissmango:We won't put anything on the invite though... I see how people could take it the wrong way. :-/
@jude7186: We didn't. I didn't want to even have a ceremony if it meant a whole lot of waste. I didn't want to get rid of stuff that I like to make room for stuff that I didn't even want.
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Hi Bees!
So my FI and I are not going to have a registry and here's why...
1. Our wedding is in FL and we live in CA. It would be crazy to send so many thing across the country.
2. We don't have our own place yet and we don't have the room for anything.
3. It's Asian tradition to give monetary gifts for a wedding.
We've been getting a lot people that are just shocked and suprised that we don't have a registry. Are we that crazy?