Post # 1
Am I fucking nuts? I want to limit the amount of plus ones for money reasons. I also believe that if you’re not in a relationship at the time of the wedding, it is not entirely necessary to require them a plus one. I also do not like the idea of unknowns at my wedding.
FI insists that the offer be extended to every guest. He does not mind strangers being there. He will not budge on this. I dont really want to budge on my stance. Am I being unreasonable? He seems to think I am the only person to not include plus ones to everybody. I’m not very open to people I dont know being at one of the most important days of our relationship. I also did the math and it would cost us an extra grand to feed all of those extra guests. Money we dont have to feed people. Help?
Post # 3
I would only invite plus ones to people who are in a known relationship, or do not know any one else there
Its silly IMO for guests to bring randoms to your wedding. Especially for you to pay for said randoms.
Post # 4
@sealevels: This is usually a topic that gets pretty heated around here, but I’m with you! I REALLY don’t want our wedding to be your third date. We treated each one individually. If we’ve never met them, they didn’t come (unless they lived together or dated for a long period of time).
Post # 5
We aren’t offering +1’s to everyone. We’re having a pretty small wedding to begin with. Only those in known relationships or thse who ask before invites go out. Once they’re out we’re not adding, only lowering for guests who cannot attend. We did cosider those who won’t know anyone other thsn us or will be the only one without a date in a group and offered them a +1. We also sort of screened friends to find who really wanted one and for the most part none did.
Post # 6
I agree with you.If someone called and asked to bring a guest and they didn’t know anyone,I would probably allow them to bring a guest. I am sure you can spend that grand on something else..
Post # 7
We’re only giving +1 to people in relationships (i think there are maybe 2 people invited who I haven’t met, but one is FI’s cousin, the other is his FI so yeah, and I don’t think they will come due to work). I know a lot of people think everyone should be offered a plus 1, or that people who have just started dating are entitled to one, but I disagree for many reasons.
Post # 8
I was surprised when one of my FIs notriously single guy friends asked if he could have a plus one? I mean one of the girls I invited didn’t ask, and he’s friends with her, they are all friends there…so I found it odd, who would he possibly bring? Is it my business to ask him?
FI says he may bring an ex everyone hates, so should he have a plus 1? What if he brings someone I purposely didn’t invite?
I’m lost too!
Post # 9
@sealevels: I used the same policy, plus ones only for the people who were in steady relationships and for a couple of friends who didn’t know anyone else. It is your wedding and you don’t have to invite people you don’t know. Although to be fairly honest, I was so happy and so excited, I didn’t even notice some guests or some absentees.
Post # 10
@sealevels: I will freely admit that I can’t understand your FI’s thinking here. I am way too territorial; I only wanted people we were close to to come to our wedding.
The way that played out, one of my guests was someone I’ve been friends with quite a bit longer than I’ve even KNOWN my lovely wife, but my wife didn’t know at all; I knew that was an issue, or at least a potential one, and we talked about it, and as it turned out, they got along quite well.
But yeahhhhh… I’d totally side with you, here. No WAY I would have extended an invitation to people including a clause saying “oh, and bring total random strangers along too because that’ll be FUN!!”
*Shrug* I have been reliably informed that I am a horrible person, so my advice is questionable to say the least, but that would weird me out completely.
Post # 11
It doesn’t matter what anyone here thinks, this is a discussion that needs to take place between you and your FI because you are both on opposite sides.
Has he been vocal about anything else concerning the wedding? If he hasn’t then maybe since he has been insistant, give him this one. I think you need to remember that it is his wedding as well and both your wants need to be taken into consideration.
Post # 12
I think your thinking is totally appropriate. We had a really hard time keeping our guest list within limits and are only extending +1s to people in serious relationships by the time the invites go out or people who won’t know anyone. THis was for many reasons. 1. limited space. 2. it costs per head 3. Some of my friends would bring some annoying random person if given the option (I love them but their taste in partners leaves something to be desired :)) 4. I had to leave out some people I really wish could be at my wedding already and I’m not willing to sacrifice people close to me coming so random people can.
Post # 13
I don’t know if this information will help you to convince your FI to change his mind. However, the rules of etiquette require you to invite only the significant others of guests who are married, who are engaged, or who are living with their SOs (because etiquette presumes couples who are living together are secretly married.)
Although it is very generous of your FI to want to permit every single guest to invite a guest of his or her own, you have no social obligation or requirement to do so.
Post # 14
Thank you everyone. At the time, I was really frustrated and felt like a bridezilla.
@MR_rosworms: Your reply helped FI a lot. He kept saying, “but there are no guy opinions!” I think he understands where I’m coming from better. We’ve even made a compromise – he can extend the plus one, but if that person without an SO brings someone…I have to meet them first and I have to be comfortable with the guest. If I say no, he will let it go and move on.
@j_jaye: It was a long discussion between us. He is the type of guy that likes other people’s opinions, so he was also curious as to what other people had to say about it. I give him full say in whatever he wants – want blue there? You got it. I include him in every part of the planning process. He is pretty laid back about most things pertaining to the wedding, but was adamant about the guests. I would be fine if he wanted to invite more friends…but friends of friends are strangers to me. I don’t want to turn around after we’re done with the ceremony and not recognize a bunch of faces. He respects that.
Also, if those people do come and we go over our maximum agreed guestlist (70), he pay for those heads himself.
Post # 15
- Wedding: October 2014 - UK
@sealevels: I’m with you on this one – I’m only giving plus ones to people in long term relationships, or who wouldn’t otherwise know anyone else at the wedding. I’m not made of money!
Post # 16
My first wedding, I put “and guest” to the single people. I really don’t think single people like to come stag to a wedding….If they don’t have the option to bring a guest or date, I don’t think they’d bother coming.