Post # 1
So, tiny bit of background…my husband’s brother is bipolar and has been going through a nasty divorce and custody battle for the past year. Everyone has been walking on eggshells around him (for good reason). He’s not the easiest person to get along with in general, and this past year has truly been a nightmare for my in-laws. He was very difficult to deal with during wedding planning (insisting we invite his children, when we had already talked to him about not having kids at the wedding at all, refusing to get a tux until the last second because he could just “wear a suit,” and asking numerous times why he wasn’t best man, even though my husband wasn’t his best man in his wedding!)
He was a groomsman in our wedding in December, and right when we were facing each other to say our vows with the wedding party behind us, a cell phone went off. In a church. Loudly. I turned around and saw his brother silencing his phone in his pocket. I was pretty pissed, obviously, but didn’t do anything (what could I do?). When we were walking back up after the ceremony for pictures, one of the groomsmen asked whose phone went off. DH’s brother started laughing. I was PISSED. Are you kidding me? He didn’t apologize, he just thought it was funny.
So it’s been a month, and I am still a little annoyed that he hasn’t said anything to us about it. Not even a token “Sorry.” My DH brought it up with his mom at dinner the other night and she just said that due to his bipolar disorder, he doesn’t understand what he did wrong. I wouldbe MORTIFIED if my phone went off at someone’s wedding, even if I wasn’t in the wedding party. Apologies would be made. Notes would be written. More apologies, probably for the next year. Excessive, I know. But still.
Sooo…I am trying to let it go, because clearly I can’t force him to apologize, but am I wrong to still be annoyed by this (and mainly his reaction to it?)
Post # 3
Yeah I think that expecting an apology and actually spendig time being po’d over it is a waste of your time. I mean, it was totally rude, but really, it’s over and done and you should let this go.
Post # 4
- Wedding: October 2014 - Our Backyard/Steakhouse
@sarals24: He’s a bit of a douche for not saying ‘sorry’ but really..it’s not a huge deal and I would just let it go. He’s got bigger things on his mind than that and has likely forgotten about it.
Post # 5
@sarals24: You aren’t wrong to be annoyed, but it’s not serving you. He’s rude and not self aware. That’s not your fault, so don’t make it your problem.
Just try to let it go.
Post # 6
Ugh! And this is why I was over the moon when I found out my wedding venue didn’t have cell service! Haha!
If I were you I would just try to let it go. I bet he isn’t even thinking about it, so he isn’t thinking about apologizing.
If it really bugs you maybe have DH say “You know,@sarals24: was really unhappy about yoru phone going off, would you mind letting her know you were sorry about that?”
IDK,… I would really just try to let it go though.
Post # 7
That he is “bipolar”is a crap excuse.
Post # 8
He definitely should have apologized immediately, but at this point you need to let it go. Unless he has Asperger’s or some other mental health issue related to social situations, he definitely knows it was not good that his cell phone went off, but the bipolar could explain why he didn’t have the proper reaction to you after if happened.
In the grand scheme of things, a cell phone going off at a wedding is not a huge deal. I understand wanting the apology, but let this one go.
Post # 9
So what if you forced an insincere ‘sorry’ out of him at this point anyways? He apparently doesn’t realize or care that what he did was rude and inappropriate. An apology means nothing from him so whats the point of getting one.
Post # 10
Perhaps he hasn’t realized that this was a big deal to you – he may have thought it was a funny moment and not something worthy of apologizing over. At the same time he may have been a little embarrassed and was trying to laugh it off and didn’t want to bring it up again by apologizing.
I would certainly have your DH talk to him about it and just mention how you are feeling about it and that it would be nice for him to apologize. I would just try to remember that him apologizing isn’t going to fix anything at all and you are still going to be annoyed with him!
You have every right to be annoyed with him because he didn’t have that much to remember to do before the wedding began – such as turn off the phone!
Post # 11
If he hasn’t apologized yet, he’s not going to. Having your husband talk to him is only going to throw fuel to the fire. Since the relationship is already strained, you should just accept that it happened and he isn’t going to apologize (which may not automatically mean he’s not sorry— just that you’re not going to hear it), and move on.
Not saying that you’re not right to be annoyed— just saying that refusing to let it go is not going to help anyone, and in life, you need to learn how to pick your battles. this isn’t one i would pick.
Post # 12
I’d just let it go. I bet it hasn’t even crossed his mind since your wedding. I would not hold out for an apology.
Honestly what’s done is done, he acted like a jerk… but there are more important things to worry about. Hopefully he will get his life in order and then he will start acting nicer.
Post # 13
The bipolar is a BS excuse (Bipolar and other disorders of the sort don’t mean you lose all common sense and manners).
But you should just drop this one – it’s not worth it to stay upset.
I know, easier said than done.
But you will NEVER get the response and closure you want by rehashing this.
Post # 14
He sounds like an ass that is not worthy of your anxiety.
Post # 15
You’re not crazy to want an apology. You are crazy if you wait for one though, because it sounds like there is a 0% chance of that happening.
Post # 16
You aren’t crazy to *want* an apology.
But you aren’t going to get one. He’s not sorry. He thinks it’s funny. He has honestly probably forgotten that it even happened!
When you look back on your wedding day, do you remember how handsome your husband looked, how joyful it was to say your vows, how great the cake tasted? Or do you remember 3 seconds when someone’s phone started going off?
C’mon, hon…don’t let this one tiny blip get to you. Yes, the brother was rude. But he isn’t sorry and he won’t apologize. Time to take a deep breath and forgive. And when you get your wedding pics back (if you haven’t already), be sure to look through them and see how HAPPY you were that day. Replace this negative memory with positive ones!