Post # 1
If you have read my previous threads- they were quite whingey about my ex of 4.5 years dragging me through the mud for 4 months, well I last saw him a few days ago, and I was having a great time because something has clicked in me and I have no loving feelings towards him at all! What the!
Last week I met a guy at a work function (friday) and we started talking and by Sunday afternoon we were on a date and he is amazing. Like AMAZING haha.
I feel like I’m 13 all over again. We are seeing each other in a few days again
we both work full time- we are both 21. I can’t believe how mature he is compared to my ex. He owns a house already! He seems really keen, and I am letting him do the chasing haha.
My actual question is, am I jumping the gun here? My ex broke up with me in Oct, and I was still whining and crying about it until a few weeks ago and now I am a new woman.
I kind of feel obliged to tell this guy (he knows I was dumped last year, but not when) that we should be taking things really slow because I don’t want to relapse and drag any post breakup sadness into a relationship but I don’t know what to say without it coming across as ‘waaaaa i’m still not over my ex fully’.
His last girlfriend left him after 2.5 years for another guy almost 2 years ago (?)
How long should I be treading carefully before being in a relationship with him?
I’m kind of hesitant to only in the fact I don’t know what people/friends will think (not that I should care) when I recently was a bit teary about my ex and now I’m all happy again. If that makes sense..
Post # 3
There isn’t really a right time period, as long as you know that you are seeing this guy because you really like him, not because he fills a gap.
I wouldn’t tell him you were still getting over your ex, just say you have been hurt in the past and would like to take things slow now.
Post # 4
I don’t think there is anything wrong with that! He could be the one… so don’t pass it up! I met my DH just a few months after breaking up with my long-term boyfriend, and DH had only broken up with his ex only a few DAYS before meeting him (although he had been mentally done for a while!). When it’s right, it’s right! Just tread carefully and don’t make any rash decisions.
Post # 5
I think you need to be careful, but just try to have some fun now. Don’t worry too much about the future. This could just be a rebound and exactly what you need to get over your ex. It may also be lasting love… but it’s waaaay too soon to tell.
I am so glad something finally clicked, though!!! Your ex is a loser.
Post # 6
Just be honest with him about it and see what happens. I met my SO two weeks after my ex of 5.5 years and I broke up. I was NOT in a place to have a relationship, but we were hanging out. We started dating officially about 3 months later after I was abroad for 2 months and we talked a ton. Honestly, I wish I had more time to be single and deal with my feelings and be by myself. But it worked out how it worked out. Even now, almost 2 years since the break up I still get really emotional sometimes. I don’t miss him or want to be with him or anything, but I still will get really emotional about it. It’s weird. But I’ve been honest with my SO the whole time – I’ve cried to him about it, especially in the beginning. He knew that I had no desire to be with my ex and that I was just dealing with the break up, so he was willing to help me through it.
There’s no “too soon” or “too late” as long as you are in the right emotional state. Just keep it casual and keep open communication and see how it goes.
Post # 7
@AussieSummer: no, it’s up to you. if you dont feel like you are rushing, then you’re not. my FI broke up with his gf of 5 years two weeks before we were dating. i was worried about it at first but he assured me it was no big deal. but if you want to take it slow, then that is something you should discuss with him.
Post # 8
@AussieSummer: Just enjoy being happy. Don’t be self-conscious about what friends and family think. You suffered a break-up not the death of a loved one. See where this leads, but protect your heart first and foremost. If anything about this new relationship feels wrong, take a step back, take time for yourself. If he’s the right guy, he’ll understand and be waiting for you.
Post # 9
It’s been almost 4 months since you broke up, so I think that’s enough time for you to start dating.
But I agree about taking it SLOW. You shouldn’t be jumping into a new relationship. Date around. Go out with this guy, go out with other guys. Take your time and see what’s out there.
As for having a talk with the new guy about moving slowly, I actually don’t see the point. Just go as fast as you’re comfortable, and if he tries to push things farther than you want, take a step back. You don’t need to have the “let’s move slowly” talk until you’re officially dating.
Also, HAVE FUN! Nothing like going out with an awesome new guy who gives you the flutters. 🙂 Enjoy it!
Post # 10
There’s no right time…when you feel you’re ready is the right time! But yea, tell him you broke up with your ex 4 mos ago and just take it slow.
I say go for it!! 🙂
Post # 11
I agree with others. There’s not a specific amount of time you should wait until you date. I was with my high school boyfriend for 6 years. We broke up in November 2006, I started dating around pretty soon after that (I wasn’t too crushed by the breakup, the breakup really took like a year). I started dating my now-husband 5 months after I broke it off my with my ex (so April 2007). I was afraid of it being a bit quick, but I fell for my now-husband REALLY fast. Like saying “I love you” in 2 weeks fast. I knew he was the one in a way I never even considered with my ex. We married 6 years later.
My point is, I’m glad I didn’t ignore my feelings toward my husband because I found him so soon after my ex.
Post # 12
If you are having fun then certainly don’t break it off due to some arbitrary “rule” about how long you should wait. When FI and I met we had both just recently gotten out of serious relationships. FI had been single about a month and I had been single about 4 months. We moved slowly in the beginning but I think that was the right thing.
It’s really based on how you feel. If you are happy then don’t dwell on what you need to tell him about past relationships.
Post # 13
@AussieSummer: There are no rules for this kind of thing and if you were d***ed around by your ex, its probably about time you were happy!
In my experience (I had two rather painful break-ups after long term relationships before I met my FI) you know you’re ready to be with someone, when you’re happy not being with anyone. That’s definitely not to say that you shouldn’t persue things with this guy (he sounds lovely!) but what I mean is, you need to be truly happy within yourself after a break-up before its healthy to get in to something new.You can’t be scared to be alone otherwise you will potentially fall in to old patterns and let people get away with things that they shouldn’t.
Only you know when you have reached that point, you may already be there or it may take some more time. But its the best way to ensure you don’t end up with more heart-break. Maybe just take things slow and steady if you’re not quite sure how to feel yet? There will come a time where you will know for sure what the right thing to do is 🙂
Post # 14
DH and I started dating 2 weeks after he and his ex of 2 years broke up.
Your ex dumped you months ago. That’s PLENTY of time. It’s not like he died and people will be going “Wow! She moved on quickly!”
Just enjoy dating the new guy and stop worrying about your asshole ex.
Post # 15
Here’s how my “love life” has gone
Fall 2010- Decent date 1 (for 2 weeks)
First real boyfreind—-crappy foot drager who turned out to be married Feb 11-September 12 (although I hadn’t seen him since June)
November- Awful date 1
December 12- Decent date 2 (for 3 weeks)
Jan 13- Awful date 2
Feb 1, 13- Awful date 3
Feb 2, 13- Awful date 4
Feb 3, 13- Met the love of my life
I was over the creep by the time we broke up officially, I hadn’t seen him in months, I was sick of his excuses (we only lived an hour away and his home was always mysteriously being renovated).
Some people may say that I went on rebound dates but the truth is, I hadn’t really dated in months.
And honestly, it took me alot longer to get over decent date 1 than it did to someone who had used me for entertainment a year and a half.
Post # 16
@AussieSummer: I don’t think you’re moving too fast! You seem totally ready to be out there again. Don’t over think it, this guy sounds wonderful 🙂