- 5 years ago
- Wedding: November 2013
Six years ago I fell in love with who I thought was the love of my life. When I was 18, God blessed us with a beautiful baby girl. After she was born in March 2008 we got engaged. We were young and just had a child so we decided we would wait before making another huge life changing decision. After four years being engaged we had decided to start planning our wedding for November 3rd, 2013. We picked the venue, wedding colors, photographers, dj, flowers, had the invites and seating chart made, figured out all the food and cake, pretty much had everything done and planned. We have never lived together but spent a lot of time back and forth at one another’s house. To be honest, he was never the best fiancée or even father. He cheated on me twice and I pretty much raised our daughter on my own. I don’t know what I was thinking. I thought once we got our own place and got married he would step up but I guess you can’t count on that. It wasn’t so much that he wasn’t a good father he was just more of an absent father. Sep. was a really hard month for me. We had both recently got new jobs and our schedules were total opposites. When we would make plans to go out as a family or plan to stay at his house that night after work he started ditching me and our daughter. He began hanging out with the wrong group from work and started choosing going out to the bars with the guys over family. We got into a fight over it earlier Sep. and I thought he would understand were I was coming from and we would work through our problems like we always had. That didn’t happen. He started showing up at my house every morning around 3am drunk as could be. His eyes were barely open, I had to hold him up, I had to change him, clean up his throw up and keep an eye on him throughout the night (he has a heart condition). It was like I was taking care of another child. On top of that, he kept calling our wedding/relationship off. One day he would say we were together the next we weren’t. He was playing games with my heart like crazy. During this week, I lost a really close friend due to cf. She was my neighbor and was always there for me during the hard times. I felt alone and didn’t even have him there for support. Two days later, another friend passed in a horrible car accident. I felt like my life was falling apart. Throughout the rest of the month I had two pets pass, car problems, a break in, my clothes dryer broke, my daughter was in and out of the doctors/ hospital 3 times in one week due to her asthma and my relationship seemed to be completely over. For that entire month, I cried and fought to work things out and make things work and I was always told he no longer wanted to be with me. I had realized that his heart was no longer mine and it was time for me to learn how to be strong and be on my own. Also during this month he was in 3 car accidents due to his drinking and was pulled over for drinking and driving. The cop had called me and told me if I were to come pick him up he wouldn’t give him a dui. I thought about just letting him get it to learn his lesson but being nice and thinking this was enough for him to see that his drinking has gotten out of control I drove out at 2am to pick him up. The cop pulled cups of beer out of his car and gave him a $300 wreck less driving ticket than left. After the cop left I sat and fought with them for 20 minutes to please just get inside my car so I could take him home. He wouldn’t. He didn’t want to leave his car. He decided to get into his car and take off resulting in yet another accident. I tried to explain how worried I was for his safety and for the safety of others on the road and how I cared about him and that our daughter wants her dad in her life but it’s like he didn’t care to listen. I prayer every night and just felt like God wasn’t there or was out to get me for some reason but with the support of one friend and my mother I grew strong and my eyes opened. I stopped answering his calls and stopped trying to make an effort to go over there. I figured if he wanted to see our daughter he drives by my house everyday to and from work and could always stop by. He never did. He called me every night at 2/3am and I just wouldn’t answer although it was hard not to. Finally he stopped by and gave me $60 dollars for our daughter. $60? He never gave me child support before but now seeing as we weren’t together I guessed he decided to make an effort but what good is $60? He works 40+ hours a week at $10 I work maybe 10 hours at $8 but all he can afford to give me for her was $60? I use my tiny paycheck on both of us including food, bills etc. in two weeks where does all his money go that he can’t give at least $100? He asked that day if I would stop by after dropping our daughter off at school the next day to talk. I told him maybe and throughout texting I found out he only wanted me over for one thing and that was not to talk. I was heartbroken and told him I would not be used or his little friend with benefits. He got mad of course and said we would go to court for our daughter. Eventually we talked and he seemed to understand that I wasn’t trying to be his mother that I just cared. He has now been begging me to come back but I told him it’s not fair to me to just sit to the side waiting while he has his fun until he’s ready to get back into a relationship with me. This has been a huge eye opener and I feel my daughter and I deserve better. I still find myself in tears at night and at times want to go back but I question myself daily if he ever even loved me in the first place. Each day is still a struggle but I think I am making the right decision by moving on. I’m trying to do what I think is best for our daughter. She always comes first.