Am I doing this out of order?

posted 3 years ago in Dress
Post # 2
453 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

No I don’t think you have to match either. Nor do you have to wait. I think the only determining factors are if you know your venue already and the date. What will the weather be like, the conditions of the venue? Grass? Beach? Time of wedding? Style – formal or casual, etc. If you have those…then shop away! Just tell her point blankly that this is your wedding and you will do it as you want to do it. If you don’t say something NOW it will only get worse and give her the feeling of control. 

Post # 3
889 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

It depends on your taste. I’m not too into those super matching looks anyways, so I wouldn’t mind. If that’s important to you, though, then you should be aware that you might not like it. It could look too incoordinated or even too matchy (let’s say they’re wearing sheath lace blush dresses and you end up wanting a wedding gown like that). 


If your personal issues are that you’d like to use some weight first before seein yourself in a gown (that was my issue after having had a baby), I’d at least look around online or so to check out what styles you like. (Even though it may of course end up being sth completely different once you put it on). 

Post # 4
89 posts
Worker bee

I think you should go ahead and get your BM dresses if that’s what you want to do. I feel it’s ridiculous how pushy many of the family members of posters’ on this forum tend to be. It’s YOUR wedding. If you want to go shopping for BM dresses first then I don’t see why you shouldn’t do it. Maybe take into consideration that you don’t know what your dress might look like yet, so go with something that could go with all different types of styles but mainly materials. So, if you know you’d like a say satin or lace dress then maybe see if that could work for BM dresses, too. Or get something that would work with all types of materials.

My BMs will be wearing mismatched dresses which they will each choose individually, so that they feel comfortable in them and can wear them again after the wedding. I’ll tell them a rough colour range and then they can pick something within that range.

What I’m trying to say is, don’t be afraid to do things your way. It’s YOUR big day, you get to decide how things are done 🙂

Post # 5
26 posts

I will say that your bridesmaid dress only needs to match the feel of your wedding, not your dress itself.  That being said, I was planning on one specific style for my bridal gown and was trying on lots of dresses in that style.  I had planned on asking my bridesmaids to pick a dress that fit them, only requesting that it be made of chiffon as I didn’t want one in satin and one in chiffon because of the color match issues.

I ended up with a COMPLETELY different style dress. Because of my bridesmaids specific needs, we ended up with a bridesmaid dress that fit their needs.  If I’d gone with the original style, the ONLY dress that I found that fit my bridesmaids, would not have flowed with my style of dress.  My dress choice ended up influencing a lot of style elements of my wedding, such as changing the flowers I thought I wanted.  I was lucky because the ONLY dress that would work for my bridesmaids ended up matching the style of my dress beautifully. 

Others may have had a different experience.  If your bridesmaids can fit into the standard types of dresses that will fit with multiple wedding dress styles, you should not have a problem going in reverse.  If you find that your bridesmaids need a dress that has a very specific style, you may find yourself limiting your wedding dress choices.

I really hope this made sense.  Again, they don’t need to match, it just needs to flow.  If you feel like their dress will flow with anything you choose, it will work.  If their dress has a very definitive style, you may have challenges later.  I wish you the best of luck and above all, you should be doing things based on your comfort level and needs.

Post # 6
1769 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

Too many brides change their minds up until they’re more “in” so I don’t usually want to spend more money or time on something as a bridesmaid than the bride has spent herself. Or else she figures out only when she tries on dresses that she wants this shade or that style and now the bridesmaid dress doesn’t work and I don’t want to tell her nope, too late.  it’s worked well for me to not worry about my dress too the bride has hers.

Especially BC the bride’s dress takes much longer to arrive and be altered than bridesmaid dresses on average. So if it isn’t time for a bride to shop for her dress yet, it’s usually way too early to do bridesmaid dress shopping. Just like I’m not buying plane tix, reserving hotel rooms, requesting vacation until the venue is booked, contract signed, and deposit paid. 

Post # 7
30284 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2011

While it is out of order from the norm, I don’t think it’s a huge problem to get your dress after your bridesmaid’s dresses.  As long as you have a good idea of what you’re looking for in terms of how formal the wedding will be, then I think you’ll be just fine!  🙂

Leave a comment

Sent weekly. You may unsubscribe at any time.

Find Amazing Vendors