Post # 1
Here’s my story. My boyfriend & I have been together almost 3 years and have lived together for 2 so the mystery is gone. We have talked about wedding plans and getting married & kids…the whole deal. Its not a question of IF we will get married but rather WHEN he will propose and get the ball rolling. We had a very serious talk/argument last November that started by me asking him when his ideal timeframe to propose was….his response 2 years! Needless to say I was not ok with that answer. By that time I will be 36 before we even get engaged. We talked it out and by the end of the conversation we negotiated it down to 6 to 9 months for a proposal. I am waiting longer than I would like and he is pushing his timeline up a bit…meeting in the middle. Well 6 to 9 months brings us to the end of the summer, basicly now.
With the deadline approaching (and friends of ours getting married on Sept 4th) I have a very itchy ring finger and wedding fever. A week or so ago I touched base with him to see if we were still on track with the 6 to 9 months…he said he has been sidetracked with some work crazies but we would be back on track in no time. During the conversation, it came out that he was really worried about money for the ring/wedding/honeymoon. I made it clear that to me that stuff is all details. I don’t even care if we pay for the ring together and in fact I have $ stashed away for a ring (I’ve been saving for ring/wedding stuff when I knew we were headed that way).
So now I sit and wait as patiently as I can. I find myself planning the wedding and getting ideas for diy items (I am crafty) to help keep a conservative budget etc. Am I just driving myself crazy by lookng at all this wedding stuff?? Is is silly/stupid to start planning before I actually have the ring & proposal?
Post # 3
Yes I am smiling while typing your post because I totally think you are driving yourself crazy. Let me start by saying Welcome to the Club;The Waiting Club, that is. While reading your story it is evident that you are ready to get married.. “I don’t even care if we pay for the ring together and in fact I have $ stashed away for a ring”. I am sure that your guy doesn’t want you to go out and by yourself a ring but you can let him know that you don’t have to have an extravagant affair, just a simple intimate wedding. Just see how he response to that!
To answer your question, I personally would say it’s okay to look at blogs for inspiration and to get ideas but I need a ring first just so I can go on with the planning process. I would really think I was loco if I planned a wedding without a ring or a “fiance”.
This is funny that I am giving advice because I am constantly thinking that I am in the process of going crazy and loosing my mind because I am waiting on my BF to give me the ring! Waiting is clearly no fun!
Post # 4
First off: B-R-E-A-T-H-E
I was dating my fiance for 3 years and 2 months when he proposed. I’m also 36 and will be 38 when we get married. This is what happened…since December 2008 until March 2009 we went away 3 times. Each time I thought that perhaps he might propose and each time he didn’t…I was disappointed. So I banished it from my mind because in May 2009 we went away again and it happened and I was so surprised and happy.
Personally, I don’t know if putting a ‘cut-off’ date is the right thing to do. Your stressing yourself out. If you and he both talked about it and know that you both want it, it will happen. You can’t really control that.
My family was bugging me like crazy for months and I was just like, I am not pressuring him. He’ll propose when he’s ready.
And money will always be something to talk about. Just set a budget and move forward.
I think to begin planning your wedding before there is a proposal is like putting the cart before the horse. There’s nothing wrong with knowing what you want, but relax. It will happen.
Post # 5
as chaotic bliss said… welcome to the club! 🙂 I am struggling with the same issue. I know it’s coming, although I believe the proposal will be in 2-6 months. Given that, what do I do? Nothing? Not very easy!! I keep thinking I need to go cold turkey on weddingbee because reading about all this stuff only makes me more anxious and excited. But on the other hand I think… why not get some research done so if we decide to a do a short engagement I already have ideas?
Really only you can answer the question of how crazy you’re driving yourself by looking at this stuff now. For me, I am letting myself read blogs/wedding bee and take notes on stuff, but no real decisions or planning will happen until there is a ring on this finger!
Post # 6
I feel you; I am in the exact same boat. I justify my weddingbee obsession as “being prepapred”. I’m just being proactive! Yeah…it makes me feel better.
One of these days it will happen and when it does he will be presented with a giant binder of ideas. I figure that’s only fair considering the torture I’m being put thru !
Post # 7
Thanks for the words of wisdom so far ladies! It helps to know that there are other people that feel the same way or similar in their relationships.
Oh to clarify one thing….by planning I didn’t mean actually getting price quotes or talking to vendors but more like gathering ideas for what we might want to do (colors/theme/diy ways to save on money etc). Hopefully that doesn’t make me to neurotic, lol. But I will fully admit to being a bit OCD so having ideas etc is part of my nature
Keep the advise coming….every perspective helps!
Post # 8
I don’t think there’s anything wrong with gathering ideas. I’m doing the exact same thing and actually see it as a positive. I don’t know about you, but I’m not the type of person who can just be thrown into situations- I plan and plan and plan. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that and neither should you!! It’s just so frustrating to have everything set and have to just sit here and wait…