Am I Engaged or Am I not Engaged….. Confused

posted 5 years ago in Proposals
Member
162 posts
Blushing bee

I think his behavior might be the sign that he’s not ‘the one’. I also think you sound really angry at everyone. Some of that is understandable but I would think that you might want to put off being a weddingbee til things calm down.  Good luck honey.

Member
1667 posts
Bumble bee

Sorry to hear things are going like that for you! But I do think it is time to maybe take a step back and re-evaluate things. There is no rush. Try talking to him about his behavior, and give him some time to get over the "newness" of owning a bike. Marriage is a serious thing – no reason to rush into it! Good luck!

Member
2704 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

Do you have an engagement ring? Did he propose? If so, then yes but maybe you need to talk to him about the actual wedding and if y’all both still want to go through with it.

Member
460 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

You sound pretty angry.  I would take some time to calm down and then try and talk to your significant other about where you two stand.  You just want to make sure you both are serious about making a commitment to each other.  Good luck!

Member
239 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2010

Also keep in mind that sometimes when things get frustrating, a lot of people’s reaction is to not deal with them – which is maybe what your fiance is doing with the bike.

If you don’t have a date anymore, then maybe it’s better to take some time, and put a stop to some of the wedding planning – not forever, just temporarily.  Then come back to it when things have calmed down and you know he’s the one….ESPECIALLY if you’re starting to think he’s not the one for you. 

Member
2825 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

I think that based on this post and your previous posts that you need to lay-low on the wedding planning for now.  Seems like you need to do some soul searching of your own to determine what or who it is you want in life.  Good luck

Member
529 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I am a little confused about your post. The title ask about whether you are engaged or not but your post is about your family’s lack of support for your wedding and then goes on to mention your SO and issues with him.

If he asked you to marry him, then you are engaged. And in most states the giving of an engagement ring is considered to be contractual. Did he give you a ring?

I am really sorry that this process has you so upset but maybe you can clarify the situation?

 

 

Member
7183 posts
Busy Beekeeper

is there anyone you can talk to about what’s going on to help you sort this stuff out?

you have a lot of different issues going on, and it’s no wonder they seem overwhelming (because they are!!!)

a local church may have free counseling services (i know some city’s provide it too).  i think it would be worth it to call them.

your guy doesn’t sounds like he knows what you need w/ wedding planning and your frustration with him not helping makes it seem like he doesn’t care.  try to sit and talk to him about what you need from him and then give him some tasks to do (either with you or solo).  

i’m sorry your engagement isn’t what you thought it would be… the reality is, life still goes on (good, bad and ugly!)

hang in there!  i hope you are able to find someone to help you work though all the emotional things you are going through right now.  

Member
460 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I’m sorry.  I think it really is best that you take a step back.  Your engagement and the time leading up to your marriage should be a happy time.  I know that planning a wedding is stressful, but there’s still so much to look forward to.  It sounds like you have a lot going on in your life right now, so it might be better to wait and plan a wedding when you can really enjoy it.

Member
2232 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

A man who spends all his time getting wasted and starting fights at bars does not sound like someone I would like to marry. I don’t think marrying him sounds like a very good idea.

Member
424 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

i think you should definitely put planning on the backburner now.  it sounds like your FI might not be ready for marriage right now…. none of us know him, he’s probably a great guy, but from where it sounds like he is at this point in his life, he just isnt ready yet.  on top of that, you both sound pretty young… (nothing wrong with getting married at a young age!!!)  but maybe you both need this time to really grow individually and as a couple before deciding to move forward with marriage, since its such a HUGE LIFETIME commitment. 

Good luck!

Member
309 posts
Helper bee

Hi,

Congrats on your engagement! 

Let’s take a step back a little bit.  Your post seemed to be filled with a lot of anger and frustration.  It sounds like you’re a bit overwhelmed.

I think you should get through some issues before your wedding.  First off, if you’re unhappy at your job then I think it’s time to find a new one.  It isn’t easy with this crappy economy but find yourself a new opportunity to be working in a place that treats you well and that you are happy with.  A lot of stress and frustration carries on after you get home and you wouldn’t want that.

About your FI being into his bike – perhaps this is something he always wanted to get into.  I don’t think this should define him as a loser, though.  I don’t see how this could hurt you and put your wedding plans in jeopardy.  It could be annoying yes (my bf is very into his mtb bike!)  but him having a hobby will help loosen him up a little but perhaps?  Sit down and talk to him about it, is he trying to escape something if you think he is trying to be someone he’s not?

As for your cousin, I think it was very gracious of them to consider your feeling when planning their own wedding.  I know this probably put a lot of perspective on your own relationship and wedding planning.  If you are that unhappy, try postponing the wedding until you resolve issues and feel fully ready for it.

Wishing you the best!

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